I can't motivate myself anymore I can't seem to think positively. I practice unhealthy relationships with my friends. I am in a long term relationship and I'm not sure if I even want to be in it. I'm stuck in a town I absolutely can't stand with a desire for more that I can't seem to actually motivate myself for.
My parents had a bad outlook on mental health and medication and so for what feels like my whole life I've been telling myself it's not that bad. But I'm starting to realize it is. I've tried therapies but the talking alone doesn't seem to help. I know and understand the what they're saying and I definately try to apply it. But it seems like I'm pouring a teaspoon into the ocean trying to tackle my issues with mindfulness and whatnot.
I've been to three different doctors about trying to get on medication but they've all prescribed me different things. Being a free clinic (can't afford anything else) I get less than 10 minutes talking and they shove me out the door with very little information on whatever they've prescribed me.
So far I've been to scared to take anything.
I can see the steps I have to take in my life to get better. I just can't seem to make them.
I feel like my passions and dreams slip away more and more everyday and I feel less and less like myself everyday.
I know I have a boatload of problems. But I'm scared I guess. To admit to them, own up to them. I want a doctor to actually listen and explain to me what I need to do to get better or something. I feel like I'm spiralling downward.
My whole life I've never truly believed I had potential for anything. I can honestly say that. But I know I can be something better and live a better life I am just so lost as to how. What steps do I take how do I make myself get the help I need with such s**t family support.
I don't know why I'm even posting this I just needed to say that I look at people younger than me and they are doing so well and I wonder why the hell I'm so useless.