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Topic: How to start conversations and get to know new people???

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. spontaneous sunflower
    spontaneous sunflower  avatar
    6 posts
    17 July 2019

    So 6ish months ago I moved to a new school. I was starting year 11 when I moved here. 6 months of being at this new school and I spend most recess and lunchtimes studying by myself, sitting somewhere in the school scrolling through my phone or sometimes I go home for lunch if I have a free period before or after it. I don't have a group to hang out with at lunchtime. I'm all on my own.

    The thing is, I do have friends in some of my classes. I have people I can sit next to during class and message out of school hours for help on hw or if I missed anything. But these people and I don't know enough about each other to like extend the friendship beyond school and classtimes. I know I can make more of an effort to reach out to people, and that i should've done so earlier in the year when I was new, but I just don't know how to go about it and I'm always overthinking it. To ask someone I barely know what tv shows they like feels out of blue for me, you know. I'm shy and annoyingly a few of the people I sit with in class are pretty shy also. I just don't know how to get a conversation going and how to get to know someone enough that when I ask them if I can hang out with them at lunchtime, we're not just awkwardly wandering around the school making pathetic small talk.

    The people I would like to get to know better are nice people. It's not like they wouldn't allow me to hang out with their group at lunchtime. It's just that I don't want it to be awkward. I'm sure me and these people have something in common but I don't know how to make a conversation with them and find out what similarities we have that we can bond over.

    So yep... help? How does one talk to fellow human beings?? Thanks.

  2. 4x4
    4x4 avatar
    3 posts
    17 July 2019 in reply to spontaneous sunflower

    So few examples are how was your weekend, what did you get up to?

    Whats your plans for tonight?

    Depends how intrested youse are in your school work you can say how did you go on question 9.

    Look it can be hard i know and theres nothing wrong with it, you just have to give it a go. You may not get super far with one person but you would of learnt something for next person to start convosation.

    Heres a example i use to be that shy kid, i know work in sales and do this every day. Practice makes perfect you may meet your best friend for life starting convo with a random or partner or not doesnt matter at least you tried.

    I think one good thing is to think of all intrests you have and try see if they have same and let convosation flow

    Hope some of this helps.

  3. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    80 posts
    18 July 2019 in reply to spontaneous sunflower

    Hi spontaneous sunflower

    I understand where you're coming from. It can be tough when we're a little shy and perhaps unsure of the reception we will get from others.

    For me, I find that being a good listener and observer helps when it comes to forming relationships with people. Seeing relationships pretty much come down to how we relate to each other, I'll try to pick up on key pieces of info people mention or certain behaviours and run with it (based on being able to relate). I'll give you a couple of examples:

    • If someone was to mention that they've just started going to the gym or they've taken up some form of exercise, I may mention how I'd love to find the motivation to do that. I may ask them what motivates them and if they have any tips. I might also ask how much it has changed their outlook, whether they exercise with other people or if it's something they enjoy doing on their own and so on
    • If someone mentions a political or social issue, I may ask them how they feel about it, why they're so passionate about it, why they believe what they do in regard to it etc

    For yourself, you might pick up on someone's unique ability to draw impressive little picture in their exercise book in class or the fact they just got a new body piercing. These can be conversation starters. Maybe they'll mention how much they don't want to be doing math, which is an opening to ask them what their favourite subject is or what they'd like to be doing in life. Perhaps they simply look more tired than usual, which can lead you to ask ' You feeling okay? You look a little tired today'. This indicates to them that you care and are interested in them.

    At the end of the day, most folk like to be considered and if we show (in one way or another) that we're considerate people, other thoughtful people will relate to us. By coming to understand a lot of tiny bits of information about others, before we know it, we are forming relationships with people we once knew nothing about.

    I hope this helps :)