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Topic: How do you stand up for yourself?

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tuilop
    Tuilop  avatar
    5 posts
    26 November 2019

    Hey everyone,

    So I have been having this issue for a while; whenever someone is arguing with me or they try to fight me I end up running away from the situation, even if they discriminate me or just make fun of me... Even the guy who tries to argue with me he just confronts me that I don't fight for myself. I just don't want to be involved in any arguments at school it bothers me that I can't fight for myself when people make fun of me I just don't want to create drama I have told them to stop but of course saying stop doesn't do anything.

    Hopefully this can get resolved soon because it really bothers me,

    Tuilop.

  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    86 posts
    26 November 2019 in reply to Tuilop

    Hi Tuilop

    My 14yo son is having a similar problem. I'll mention to you what I told him, in the hope that it helps give you a unique perspective:

    When we are feeling challenged, I believe we are being asked to rise to meet the challenge so that we become a more masterful version of our self. Some will not see fighting as rising, they may instead feel like fighting is about coming down to someone else's level (unless it involves self defense). So, how to rise without fighting?

    Humor or wit are incredibly powerful weapons when it comes to someone who challenges us. Example: 'Is your life that empty that you feel the need to entertain yourself by going around hitting people?' or 'I can understand why you're obsessed with picking on me. I think it's because you're looking for an intelligent opponent'. It's one way to raise many of the onlookers to the point of laughter. Basically, most folk love someone with a sense of humor.

    If you can adjust the comments to suit the person challenging you, it also has the potential to help raise their consciousness a little. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. Becoming masterful at wit and humor means we are raising our self to greater heights. I suggest the real reason you don't want to get involved in fights involves you being thoughtful and highly intelligent, something others may refuse to acknowledge.

    :)

  3. MissBenthos
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    MissBenthos avatar
    13 posts
    26 November 2019

    Hi Tuilop,

    I agree with advice from therising. Unfortunately bullies respond to strength. If you can: strike once and strike hard so they never want to mess with you again. Know your enemy and know yourself, what kind of strategy would work best for you and make a particular opponent regret picking on you?

    Have you ever been interested in martial arts or self defense? I don't bring this up for the physical skills side. Martial arts for myself has been incredible in confidence building and awareness of my surroundings. Simple things like walking around with shoulders and head held high make you look like a harder target. An exercise I do sometimes is pretending I'm the predator - if I were to attack, who looks like the easiest target? It gives me insight into my own behaviour and the vibe that I'm giving off.

    Happy to continue chatting if you want, hope some of this helps :)

  4. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    69 posts
    26 November 2019 in reply to Tuilop

    Hey Tuilop

    I want to say welcome to the community and I think it is so very brave of you to reach our for some comfort at this time. I think that you have had some great support here already from therising and MissBenthos and that is great to see.

    I am kind of from the other side of the fence tho and I hope that my message does not cause you more confusion and bother. I will let you know and then you can decide if you think it is helpful or dumb.

    Ok, so I don't think that disarming a bully, especially seeing that you do struggle with confrontation and don't want to cause drama, with words back at them about their character or who and what they are necessarily works, see I am also a mother and what I tell my kids is different to therising, does not mean I am right or therising is right, you will figure out what works for you.

    I believe that responding with parroting is sometimes more successful as the bully actually does not know what to do, you are diffusing the situation and disarming them, not elevating them ok..here is an example..

    So my daughter is currently wearing an apple watch, one of the boys in her class is obviously fixated with that and he picks on her everyday about this watch...he says "Oh nice fake watch, what a loser to wear a fake apple watch, why would you wear a fake apple watch"...the watch is not fake so it infuriates her to no end...which is currently what he is feeding off. So I tell her to get in first...."Hi Barry (I just made this name up)...look at my fake watch today, I have it on"...and keep walking....mix it up "Hey Barry, hope you have a nice day today, I will too being a loser over here with my watch".

    She thought it was such a dumb idea and I told her to please try it, so she know uses this format to deflate the bully without having to use hurtful words and be "just as bad as them", as sometimes we know that bullies are doing this from their own pain, so I feel like it is not kind to give them more, even though they are being hurtful.

    If they want to discriminate and call you asian or indian or chinese or a dumb aussie just go with it, put a smile on your face, as you know you are non of those things, you are not, but just go with it "thank you Barry that is so cool that you noticed I was asian/indian/aussie, thank you".

    I am not sure how you feel about all of this but I would really like to chat some more to you.

    Huge hugs to you

    AS

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Jims M
    Jims M avatar
    1 posts
    26 November 2019
    Whats sleep I only know Fortnite
  6. Tuilop
    Tuilop  avatar
    5 posts
    27 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Everyone,

    Thank you for the reply (Aaronsis, Miss Benthos, & therising) I really appreciate those replies they are very great. (somehow, couldn't reply yesterday beyond blue website was under maintenance for me.) I will try these replies and Miss Benthos I agree to you, bullies only respond with a strength which is sad, and I haven't been interested in martial arts or self-defense but thanks for the advice :). I appreciate the advice there from therising is no need for violence and we should stick for ourselves.

    Thanks everyone,

    Tuilop :)

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    69 posts
    27 November 2019 in reply to Tuilop

    Hey Tuilop

    Great to hear back from you and that you felt some of the support was helpful. I am so pleased.

    It would be great to hear back from you if you want to come back to chat and just let us know how things are going for you, you are stronger than you think and you are bigger and better than this situation, it will not define you.

    Hugs

    AS

    1 person found this helpful