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Topic: How do I want to be here again

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Pearl95
    Pearl95 avatar
    1 posts
    7 March 2019
    I don't even know how to start, I guess for the most part I feel like a burden. I feel like I make everyone miserable, that I am the reason why everything goes wrong. I feel like a shit mum, wife, friend, sister, aunty. I hate myself so much and I feel like my husband does to. He doesn't treat me great sometimes, but he's been trying so hard lately and I feel like I've let him down. I feel like everyone would be better if I wasn't here and it scares me. I don't know what to do anymore, I know I'm getting worse. I can see myself getting worse. I think this stuff more often than not now and I just don't know what to do. My Dr thinks I have anxiety and pnd but nothing has been diagnosed yet. Sorry if I make no sense, I don't know what I'm asking. I think I'm just trying to comprehend what's happening to be because I just don't understand
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    51 posts
    8 March 2019 in reply to Pearl95

    Hi Pearl,

    Good on you for reaching out here. You’re sounding very overwhelmed, exhausted and confused...I can feel the emotions swirling as you try to find “answers”...

    I think you seem very hard on yourself. I feel sad that you feel so much self hatred...

    I think you’re very brave to share some of your most innermost thoughts here. That being said though, I’m concerned about you...

    I only say this out of caring, but considering your thoughts about others being “better” withhout you, can I please ask if you are feeling safe? It’s okay, either way, you can be honest here, it’s a safe and caring space here...

    I’m thinking of you, and hoping when and feeling ready, it would be lovely to hear from you again.

    Kind thoughts to you,

    Pepper

  3. Psychologistry
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Psychologistry avatar
    8 posts
    10 March 2019 in reply to Pearl95

    Hey Pearl95,

    I understand. Don't feel like a waste. Have a good outlook of life. Don't feel like everything's your fault. Self-hatred will only drag you down like a lead balloon.

    But you need to make yourself happy again. Stop feeling like a burden. Because without you, your children would never have existed. Without you, your husband would still be wondering around, looking for a match. And you don't make everyone miserable. It's just the course of life. You sometimes let people down.

    Seek help. Make friends. Explain the situation to other people. Regularly visit the psychologist. Have hope.

    Reflect on yourself. Why am I getting worse? How can I improve? Then work towards being a better person.

    Accept your mistakes and admit them. Use them as a cue to improve. Here's some words of wisdom: "Running away from your problems is a race you'll never win..."

    Hope this helped,

    Psychologistry