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Topic: How can I move on?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. wiwolf
    wiwolf avatar
    7 posts
    20 July 2020

    I'll try and keep this as to the point, from what is a really long story. Some context: I've dealt severely with mental health, including suicide attempts and have had diagnosis like BPD and Bipolar tossed around...

    After 2 years of incredibly close friendship, my friend got into a relationship. I unfortunately realised I was in love with them. I shared this, she said she didn't feel the same. And that began a heavy downward spiral for me.

    Fast forward to now, it's been a year since. We haven't spoken for 4 months and I moved from New Zealand to try a fresh start here. I've been having so much trouble moving on;

    I keep fantasising every day, many times about running into her in some way. So many little things just make me sad because they remind me of her. And I just cannot stop my mind from going over things.

    I don't know what to do.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    8059 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to wiwolf

    Hi welcome

    The common problem when apart from a love is we tend to fantasise which means we don’t recall the negatives. This becomes more apparent when we meet up with them again and suddenly it dawns on us that our love was out of proportion.

    Nevertheless it’s hurtful and little different to grief. All humans will experience grief in their lives so how should we cushion the effects?

    The short answer is we can’t. Short term we can use diversion and meditation, long term means time and time cannot be rushed.

    However one of the best forms of distraction is seeking love from someone new. It isn’t as silly as it sounds. Dating someone new can be fun and interesting.

    Best of luck

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. wiwolf
    wiwolf avatar
    7 posts
    21 July 2020 in reply to white knight
    Thanks so much for sharing. I guess I was kinda hoping there might had been a short cut to time. I believe everything you've said. Over time, I don't feel hopeless and I see a way out. In fact that's why I'm trying to look for fixes instead of just giving up.

    But, I've got no objection to the recommendation to get out there again to move on... Dating apps, here I come!
    1 person found this helpful
  4. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8059 posts
    21 July 2020 in reply to wiwolf

    You have a great attitude, just needed a little prompting.

    You deserve simeone special. Good luck

    TonyWK