It's very hard to feel alone, I too went through this when I went to uni. I was the first person in a very working class family......so the fear and expectation from everyone was hard. Family supported me, but didn't really know what it entailed. The only thing I can say is, there is a sacrifice for being who you truly want to be. Sometimes the people you think that should truly get you, be on your side....won't. I struggle with this nearly everyday, still now unfortunately. I have all the the 'proper' successes.....degree, $$, respect. But I constantly feel inferior to my younger brother, who has gone into the family business (construction). I am cut off when he speaks, I am dismissed when I am upset and while I know I am loved, I know that I am not understood. My family does not deal with hurt well, the norm reaction is defensive/agro.
Jane, please stop being your worst enemy. There are enough ppl that will play the part for you. Be kind to yourself, be honest and genuine. Those with similar hearts will find their way to you. Do me a favour......try to be open to those ppl. I don't have alot of regrets, being closed off to ppl sometimes may be one :/
All the best - reach out if you need.