I completely understand what you are going through concerning intrusive thoughts, except mine are about germs. If I touch someone I don't know or something I am not familiar with, I get into this thought spiral sort of thing about how these germs are going to give me some horrible disease and that I'm going to die. This results in a panic attack (which involves hyperventilating, sweating, shaking and crying), or me going crazy with my hand sanitiser and coating myself in it.
I am seeing a psychologist soon, and hoping to get a diagnosis. I think I am suffering from either OCD or GAD (generalised anxiety disorder).
I have this strategy that I use to try and control anxious thoughts. These thoughts range from simple worries to major incidents. It may not work for you but give it a try. You may have seen it in another of my posts.
Construct a table
with four columns. In the first column, write the heading Situation. In the next, write Emotions. In the third, Thoughts, and in the fourth, Alternative
Thoughts. Under Situation, write
the situation or thing that is making you anxious. In Emotions, write down how this situation makes you feel and how
your body reacts to that physically (e.g sweating, shaking, hyperventilating,
crying etc). Under Thoughts, write down
the intrusive/anxious thoughts. Finally, under Alternative
Thoughts, write down any thoughts that don't make you anxious that you
could think instead.
Here is an example
of the 'Thought Table' I did. Sorry it isn't in table form as I couldn't post
it like that, but you should get the picture.
Situation: I missed the bus
Emotions: Scared, upset, anxious, nervous,
sweating, sick feeling in my stomach, dread.
Thoughts: Dad will be mad, I will be late to
Alternative Thoughts: Dad will drive me, it's
not the end of the world if I miss the bus, at least I will get a seat if my
Dad drives me.
Hope everything works out for you Oxymyth x