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Topic: Giving up

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Idkidkidk
    Idkidkidk avatar
    1 posts
    3 May 2019
    I feel so pathetic and ashamed to be myself. I have basically no friends. The only people I really have are a few family members. Everyone else basically tolerates me. I cry so much. I’m miserable at work and at home. I can’t escape from myself and my thoughts consume me. Sometimes I think it would be better if I never woke up in the morning. I’m paranoid about everything and worrying constantly despite people’s effort to try and calm me down. I have panic attacks a lot . I’m always bitter and can be really cold. My mood goes up and down which is exhausting. I can’t keep relationships (friends, etc) going for very long before they see how I am and get bored... I just can’t stand who I am, I’m always making mistakes and looking like an idiot. I’m at the point of giving up on having a social life, I was probably just meant to die alone anyway so what is it worth? I try talking to people and they just look at me like I’m freak. I don’t want to be me, I hate me
  2. Billyc
    Billyc  avatar
    4 posts
    3 May 2019 in reply to Idkidkidk

    Hi kid,

    Thanks for reaching out, And well done for doing so.

    it sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. I’m sorry to hear. How long has this been going on for you?

    I can relate to your feelings of self loathing, my biggest issue is that it happens when I try to sleep at night, and ends with no sleep at all..

    its very challenging to deal with the head when it gets this way.

    Have you sought support with a GP or therapy? And have you spoken with your parents about this?

    there is plenty of support here on this forum and plenty of strangers with their own experiences that get lots of support, so you are not alone with you difficulties.

    can you tell me where all this I self loathing comes from? I’m no expert but got all the time in the world to hear you, because I believe your worth it..

    you took the time to come here, pat yourself on the back and feel good about that,

    I hope you can share where this is coming from..

  3. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    80 posts
    3 May 2019 in reply to Idkidkidk

    Hi Idkidkidk and a warm welcome to the forum! If there's one place where you can feel free to be yourself, it's here. So many beautiful supportive people here, such as Billyc.

    Just want to start by saying that you are not your depression and anxiety. What I mean by this is whilst your brain/body may experience the conditions of depression and anxiety, there's so much more to you than just a brain and a bunch of organs and nervous system n stuff. I personally believe that the torture behind mental health issues relates to there being that soulful part of us that knows there's more to life than just mind and body. It's that part of us that knows there has to be more to life than sufferance. It's that part that leads us to long for freedom from the upset of the mind.

    I personally lived with depression for about 15 years of my life so I can tell you the difference between suffering with serious mental health issues and being free of them is like night and day. I believe the dark years lasted so long because there was no constructive form of management to help me through in the best way possible. It wasn't until I found the right support that my life changed dramatically, for the better. As just about everyone on the forum here will tell you, mental health issues are not something to be managed alone. Support is definitely key. We are seriously complex creatures with a whole lot of mental conditioning/thoughts and chemistry going on inside of us. We need some guidance when it comes to truly understand our self.

    You mention you have a few family members around you. Is it possible to have one or two of them help you suss out some mental health support in your area? I know it's easier said than done but please don't feel ashamed of who you are. Believe me when I say that you are an exhausted warrior who's just not sure what the next best battle strategy should be in regard to winning your own personal war against depression and anxiety. Mental health issues can be incredibly exhausting, leading us to question our ability to keep going, gradually chipping away at our self-esteem.

    Rest assured Idkidkidk, you have our support here. I hope we can give you some light/enlightenment in the darkness.

    Take care