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Topic: First timer in a crisis! - Anxiety, Depression and working in a toxic environment

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Keerio
    Keerio avatar
    2 posts
    3 September 2019

    First Timer here... I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 9 years ago. It comes in waves but was worse when I was younger, I will be okay for 2 months or so at a time before a breakdown, then I pull myself back up again and continue the cycle. I have worked since I was 14, finished year 11 and got a diploma in the travel industry that I quickly found that I didn't want to work in (crappy pay & no enjoyment traveling 1+hrs for work). When i was 18-19 I was employed into the local family business (my father never wanted me to work there as it's a toxic environment and ruined the relationship between my parents and grandparents over the years of stress and not to mention everybody has anger issues) 4.5 years later, i work 5 and a half days a week still and I am lost. I spend the days working ( i am great at my job can run the shop on my own for weeks at a time without supervision or help from others, but it is unfulfilling and we deal with aggressive customers constantly... which me a stress-head cannot handle) After work and on my 1 and a half days off all I want to do is relax and do nothing. My dad and I have big arguments, he has thrown chairs at walls within shop hours, screams in my face and hurls pure abuse at the worst of times. But is also the nicest man I have ever met, so giving and pays me generously and gives me days off. After running the store for 3 weeks no issue I had a question about a customer I needed resolved so asked him before work. He clicked it and ended up screaming through the bathroom door calling me useless, that i cant do my job etc when it was no big deal. I broke down sobbing and refused to go to work and have finally had enough as I am sick of being treated this way when all I do is help everyone else out (these arguments over nothing happen every 2 or so months in-line with my breakdowns). Have been hiding at my boyfriends for 4 days and dad has texted me saying he loves me but i wont reply, i am scared of him and i dont want to face confrontation which is inevitable as nothing has been discussed. A co-worker was supposed to take leave next week but now nobody to cover, do i offer to work for the week and pocket some extra cash? I told him I quit that day and I don't know what to do, i have minimal savings which will only cover my spending money for a 4 day trip already planned and payed for in 2 and a half weeks time. I have no interests, career goals, i want to study but don't know what. Any advice? Thanks

  2. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    66 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Keerio

    Hi Keerio and warm welcome to our forums

    I'm really pleased you've found your way here. Things are sounding quite volatile for you at the moment. Staying at your boyfriends and not answering texts from your dad sounds a very safe thing for you to do. Our community does like violence against anyone, so we would strongly suggest you contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), if you are in any immediate danger then call emergency services on 000.

    I understand how you are feeling. Being abused, yelled at, having chairs thrown around is very frightening and unnerving. I am so pleased you've found a safe place. Interestingly, people who are like that, can be very nice at other times. This is often a pattern of behaviour and often escalates as time goes by. I've found nothing will change until they do something about their own mental health.

    You've asked a question A co-worker was supposed to take leave next week but now nobody to cover, do i offer to work for the week and pocket some extra cash? That's something you'll need to think about and ask yourself some questions. How do you think you'll feel if you did do that? Would you feel safe? What would you do if you didn't feel safe?

    I think Keerio there is a lot you'll need to think about, to plan. Do you mind me asking - how did you feel when you posted here? Was it a bit of a relief?

    Look forward to hearing from you Keerio.

    Kind regards


  3. Keerio
    Keerio avatar
    2 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to PamelaR

    I was nervous about posting here at first but I obviously had no reason to be, thank you for such a warm welcome Pamela!

    This is a usual pattern sadly. We argue, i take a day or so leave, he comes running back and apologises, I accept then go back to work and brush it off. But I can't count on my fingers how many times this has occurred.

    I messaged him today basically saying that i am willing to work if needed this month however not on a full-time basis ( i need to fix up some bills). I will start job hunting as soon as the trip is over with no distractions, however I am thinking something casual/part-time after all these years to really give myself some time to find a passion or goal. My partner has offered to help out financially while I get back on my feet ( However i'm really independent and never ask anybody for a cent so it's difficult).

    My father replied to the message saying "i love you, i just miss you come home do whatever makes you happy" He has a habit of trying to guilt trip me in the past which I am not going to let get to me. I just feel stuck there and I will continue too for the rest of my life I feel unless I finally bite the bullet and leave my job, and the family house hold but only one thing at a time..

    My plan is too see him when he gets home to discuss, I don't know what to expect and I am feeling anxious as hell especially since I didn't see or talk to him on fathers day on the weekend after all this. See when things are good they are great! I would classify him as one of my best friends, but when they are bad... it's bad.