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Topic: Feeling like an outsider in high school

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Whitepoppy61
    Whitepoppy61 avatar
    4 posts
    26 July 2018

    Hello, I'm new.

    I'm a year 11 girl and I feel like I don't belong in my high school. If I just disappeared, no one would care. I thought by studying hard in school, I could ignore it. Unfortunately, it has been affecting me recently and I'm starting to lose my motivation to study because of my lack of friends.

    I didn't always feel like this. Since year 7, I have been seen as the awkward and quiet girl so I never got far in forming friendships. Heck, people always questioned me about it and made me feel like being quiet is the worst trait. Fortunately, a group of friends accepted me for who I am

    Then, friendship problems happened. My group hated me and started talking behind my back in a very bad way. I was kept around just so they can leech off schoolwork and borrow money. This shattered me. I thought this was the one friendship group who could accept me no matter what, but learning they hated me all along? My self-esteem was lowered even further to nothing. If my "close" friends didn't accept me, then who would?

    I left. I have no stable friendship group now. I actually tried hanging in other groups but I only felt out of place. I have found one true friend, but I don't want to burden him. He is popular and has other friends and by hanging out with him all the time, I am scared I will make him lose his friends. I already messed up before and I don't want to again. Every day when he hangs with his friends, I am reminded of how I don't have many friends at all. Sure, I have a few acquaintances but I don't know them personally.

    I just can't fit into any kind of cliques no matter what.

    Everyone finds me awkward, so I don't have a chance to befriend people easily. It seems no one likes talking to awkward, quiet people. It's difficult to talk to other girls because my interests differ from their ones greatly (I like video games and cartoons rather than k-pop.) Sadly, I lost interest in my own hobbies since I started feeling down. I befriend boys effortlessly yet I'm afraid of being labelled for only having male friends (it was one of the things the old friendship group gossiped about).

    I am more comfortable talking to people online or even outside of my school; at least no one can judge me based on how they see me before we even talked.

    I heard university is better, and I'm looking forward to escaping and start afresh. But for now, I can't cope with this feeling any longer and I don't want it to damage me further.

    Thank you for hearing me out.

     

  2. two-dee
    two-dee avatar
    9 posts
    26 July 2018 in reply to Whitepoppy61

    Hello Poppy,

    Firstly, I'd like to welcome you to the forum (I'm new here as well!) and I commend you for your bravery by sharing your story.

    As a senior student going through something similar (minus the fake friendship part), I really do relate to your story. Even to this day, I find it very difficult to make friends as I'm quite reserved, I'm not super charismatic and above all else, I'm very conscientious about my schoolwork. Believe it or not, it wasn't always like this. I remember coming straight out of primary school believing that I'll be the alpha male of the Year 8 unit and spent my junior years trying to fit in and be popular (which now that I think about it, totally backfired). Then it hit me in the closing days of Year 10 that being popular really isn't worth the effort and now I don't consider anyone as a friend, merely acquaintances.

    There is nothing more vile than a fake friend and it's even worse when there is multiple of them. Honestly, who are they to criticise you for your choice of friends? You've probably felt more happy being around your new friends rather than those snakes and at the end of the day, you deserve to be around those who make you feel happy. In terms of tastes, I usually find that the people who are either popular or gossipers have the most basic and uninspired tastes imaginable (K-Pop is one of them). At least you're a unique person who likes different things and you should go ahead and proudly embrace that! ☺️

    If you wanted to try and become more closer with your new friends, perhaps you could try and organise something? I'm thinking just a simple hang-out session where you guys can just meet up and the snakes won't bother you.

    To finish this off, what you said about university is why I'm excited for it in the first place. With the exception of close friends, after year 12 you'll never be talking to the people in your year ever again; not because you hate them, but mainly because they just aren't worth your precious time. You'll grow accustomed to a whole new cast of characters from all corners of your city and, who knows? Maybe you'll find someone who you can see eye-to-eye with on basically everything.

    I apologise if this response wasn't super in-depth compared to some of the more experienced members on this forum, but I really do hope that you got something out of this and I hope that you'll find the solace you deserve. ☺️

    2-D

    2 people found this helpful
  3. startingnew
    startingnew avatar
    189 posts
    27 July 2018 in reply to Whitepoppy61

    Hello Whitepoppy and welcome

    2-D has given a wonderful response. High school is so hard esp without friends. i went through school with no friends either. i agree though once you leave you barely keep those same friends but when you start work and/or uni you meet new friends and is almost like a fresh start.

    Have you heard of Headspace at all? they provide online/phone counselling as well as face to face. Im not sure about how to access it but they also run groups for people our age as well so maybe thats something to look into for both support and friendship. With stuides they also can help with studies, and finding work for you.

    Please come back and talk to us anytime

    1 person found this helpful
  4. startingnew
    startingnew avatar
    189 posts
    27 July 2018
    Also we have a friends cafe for people under 25 that you can find in the social zone, your most welcome to join in there to meet others our age too. feel free to pop in and say HI!
    1 person found this helpful
  5. LavenderTea
    Mentor
    • Masters of Psychology student on placement
    LavenderTea avatar
    57 posts
    2 August 2018 in reply to Whitepoppy61

    Hey Poppy,

    Thanks for your post. I'm really sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at school. Year's 11 and 12 can be a super stressful time, even more so if you have troublesome friendships and a lack of social supports.

    I'm really glad to hear that you've made one close friend... That's really all you need! But if you did want to try becoming friend with others, try to pick out people who like similar things like video games and cartoons, it's much easier to start conversations about things that you like and have common interests in.

    I can be quite awkward sometimes too I know the feeling, but sometimes what I'll do is if I say something or do something really awkward, just laugh it off, point it out and say something like "wow, that was really awkward, let me say that again" and just say what you have to say differently. It often makes light of the situation, makes it easier for you and others to feel comfortable again, and will then allow you to continue with your conversation.

    Hope that helps!

    LT.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Whitepoppy61
    Whitepoppy61 avatar
    4 posts
    28 November 2018 in reply to LavenderTea

    Hello all, it's been a long time.

    I'm unsure about the rules of bumping old threads in this forum but I just want to take the time to thank you all for your support and hearing me out! I'm grateful to know my experiences aren't uncommon.

    To two-dee and startingnew, I'm so sorry to hear you both had difficulties in making friends during high school. I hope you will both find someone who will understand and accept you unconditionally!

    I have started year 12 a month ago. Admittedly, I still struggle with these feelings but it's bearable now as I opened up about everything to my best friend more. He assured me that I'm not a burden to him and in fact encouraged me to open up more. On top of this, I reconnected with an old friend and now our weekly ritual consists of ranting to each other on the stresses of the HSC and joking around.

    As LavenderTea mentioned, one or two close, true friends are more than enough!

    Again, thank you guys so much for taking time to reply. I hope you all take care! :)

  7. startingnew
    startingnew avatar
    189 posts
    3 December 2018
    Hi! its nice to hear from you again. Thanks for the update, it sounds like things are moving forward in a positive direction for you. :)