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Topic: Feeling alone and unloved in a family that is no longer mine

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Clover98
    Clover98 avatar
    2 posts
    27 March 2020

    For a long time, it has been my younger Brother, Dad &myself, my Bio-Mum has some mental health problems &terrified &emotionally abused us so we moved in with my Dad full time when I was 14. My Stepmum really stepped up when we first moved in but then she started saying things like she gave up having children of her own because of us &if we had the slightest disagreement, come into one of our rooms crying, saying how much she loves us like her own, how she often just wants to kill herself because we don't love her. Going home was horrible and I would be scared to answer her calls.Dad works a lot &often takes trips away, he isn't gone for very long but he misses what's happening. I do love my Stepmum, but she is a different person half the time. When I was 18, after a really bad argument with her I stayed out of her way as much as possible &found a place to move within 2 months. Things started to get better with our relationship after that because I wasn't around all the time but I left my Brother with her. I didn't realise that all the stuff I used to go through he was now getting twice as bad. He had enough one day &wasn't old enough to move out by himself so he decided to go live with our Bio-Mum fulltime again. This really hurt my Dad because he didn't understand why, my Brother didn't want to upset him by saying it was because of our Stepmum emotionally abusing us and he was never home to stop it because at the end of the day that's his wife and he must love her. Now it's a year later and my Step-mum is pregnant. we have a complicated relationship but she is the closest thing I have to a Mum &when I came over for dinner she &told me she was excited to be a Mum for the first time &have children of her own. I feel like every time she told me she loved me like I was her own was a lie &every time she told me she considered me her daughter a lie. She looked me dead in the eye &said she was finally happy to be having her first child &how it was her own. I don't have any family, my mum&her side of the family won't talk to me, my Brother hardly talks to me &my Dads family are all dead. I feel so alone and scared, I have just lost the closest thing I have to a mum and found out that our relationship has been one big lie now that she has a child that's her blood. Should I talk to them about this or just leave it, I am being too emotional about it? I really am excited for another sibling to love and care for but I just feel so displaced and alone.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    2503 posts
    27 March 2020 in reply to Clover98
    Hey Clover, 
    Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. We're so glad you've chosen to join us here.  It sounds like things are pretty stressful for you at the moment and we can imagine it was really painful to hear your step mum says those things. We're also sorry to hear you feel disconnected from your family and feel alone.  We think it's a good idea to talk with your step mum and let her know how those words made you feel. 

    We'd also like to let you know we've sent you a private message offering some support options in addition to the forums.

    Please keep posting to the forums to let us know how you're feeling. 
    1 person found this helpful
  3. jess334
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jess334 avatar
    384 posts
    27 March 2020 in reply to Clover98

    Hi Clover98,

    I was a step child too. My mum left my father when I was really young because he was abusive and horrible. Then she married another guy just like him. They ended up having a baby girl together and he always treated her better than us. My mum ended up leaving him too and now my sister and I have a great relationship, even though I'm much older than her.

    It must have hurt so much to hear those thing from her. It sounds like your step mum has some long term mental health issues herself. I don't think you are being too emotional. I think you are hurt and scared and it seems like a perfectly normal reaction to this situation.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Clover98
    Clover98 avatar
    2 posts
    8 June 2020 in reply to jess334
    Thank you jess334, it's nice to hear that I'm not being over-emotional about the whole situation. I felt silly and stupid when I would cry because I am really excited for another sibling but I just couldn't shake the horrible feelings and pain when I thought about the whole situation. Thing's still aren't great but I am trying to work through them, I haven't spoken to them about any of what I'm feeling because they have both been so baby focused I don't want to seem like I'm just being jealous and want attention. Most of the time in our family, we just move forward and never talk about our issues. I know that isn't healthy but I can't guarantee they would even listen if I talked to them or they would just ignore it and move on, it would most likely be the later.
  5. jess334
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jess334 avatar
    384 posts
    8 June 2020 in reply to Clover98
    Hi Clover98,

    Its great to hear back from you.

    I'm glad you are working through these feelings.

    I know that pop culture says talking to everyone about everything is the best way to resolve an issue, but honestly this doesn't always work. Especially if the other party is unwilling to accept any responsibility. It might help to get stuff off your chest, but it could also make the situation much more difficult for you.

    You need to do what is right for you. That could mean talking to a psychologist, moving forward with your life, or talking it through. Whatever works for you.

    Kind thoughts, Jess