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Topic: Feelin like a fako | Why am I so caught up in my own worthless issues?

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    11 July 2019

    I feel like a fako attention seeker...

    Hey everyone, im Kiki and im 12 yo.

    I feel like a fako because my little tiny first world issues look dumb next to real depression. Im probably just a lonely drama queen in need of sympathy. I go to a friend for help and shes all sympathetic and says stuff like 'feeling for you' or 'omg poor you'. After she says stuff like that I feel... comforted. Like i got what i wanted. Thats what my inner voice says anyways.

    I post one of my small issues like "Are my friends jealous of me?!?!?!" Then i read posts about people who have actually hit rock bottom and have it way worse than me. I feel stupid. Am i just looking for attention or am i really depressed? I feel empty, like Im lying to everyone about who i am. I dont feel anything, just emptiness. I feel like im just sorry for myself. Some days im happy and perfectly fine, but the next i hate everything in the mirror and every little thing i do. Im in a love hate relationship with the mirror, and i dont know how to make it better.

    Youre probably wasting your time if youve read up to here. But thank you, really. If you have time, replies would be very much appreciated.

    xox

    Kiki

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Ebi
    Ebi avatar
    5 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    Hi Kiki,

    First of all, I sometimes wonder about comparing our experiences and pain to each other's. On the one hand it does seem like you could say that you can compare, for example, a seemingly minor incident to an apparently much larger tragedy. And I think that this can help put things in perspective because sometimes we do catastrophise our experiences and realising that it probably isn't as bad as we think, is important.

    But then everyone has their own story and we are each at our own stage of life. What is deeply important to you is important to you and how you feel is valid and can't be discredited.

    From what I have seen of your posts, (and you have already written so many) you are incredibly articulate, mature and compassionate, reaching out to support people much older than yourself. I think this is an amazing strength. It probably means you are intelligent and sensitive and I think that also means you are vulnerable to difficult emotions and experiences too.

    It sounds like you struggle with a strong sense of emptiness... I'm wondering if you need a bit more support than the 'feeling for you' response from your friends. It sounds like it would be good to explore things a bit more deeply. Who can you talk to about this I wonder? Parents? Other relatives?

    Also, I think it might be useful to just have one thread where you write all your stuff (of course you should keep reaching out to support others in threads) and that way there won't be multiple conversations happening at the same time and people will be able to get a better sense of your whole situation. How does that sound?

    Thinking of you, Ebi

    1 person found this helpful
  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    413 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    Hi Kiki207,

    Thanks for your post and I really do appreciate you being here and opening up about how you feel.

    For what it's worth, I've been on the forums for a while and I've seen a lot of posts like yours. Mostly it can feel like the problems aren't 'big enough' to be here or to reach out for support, because other people have it worse. I've often had this though too, and yeah - there's probably part of it that's true. Other people have it worse because I (and hopefully you!) have a safe place to live and can put food on the table, but at the end of the day that doesn't help.

    Your problems, our problems - all matter. It doesn't matter how big or small they seem, they're important. So I think I'm not wasting my time talking to you :) because your problems are just as valid as anyone else's here.

    and finally, I think being here can help even if you weren't having a tough time, because learning tools to cope can help in a preventative way too. If we all waited until we were at rock bottom, it's going to be a long way up.

    I hope this gives you a bit of comfort. Thanks again for being here and talking about it.

  4. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to Ebi

    Ebi,

    Thank you for your response. While comparison has helped me put things into perspective as you said, it has recently given a stronger sense of guilt. I would talk to my parents because I know they will be helpful although I dont want to worry them as they are already stressed with keeping up with housework and things going on in the family.

    I think that it is a good idea to put all of my posts about myself in one thread, and i have felt as if Im hogging the groups a bit, although sometimes when people see my whole story in one go, I worry that it confuses them. Its already confusing in my head. I dont really know what i feel anymore. Good idea though, I will probably put most of my posts here from now on.

    Thank you for responding to me it is greatly appreciated.

    xox

    Kiki

  5. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Romantic_thi3f,

    Thank you for replying. You have really reassured me that me and my problems matter. I have felt so worthless and selfish lately, but posts like yours, Ebi's and a few others are the light at the end of the tunnel. I finally feel like I am worth saving from the whirlpool of thoughts I've thrown myself into.

    If I counted every time I smiled reading your response, it would be 1. I smiled from the start all the way to the end. Im still smiling now. So thank you. Boy does it feel good to smile!

    Thanks again for responding, I really appreciate it.

    xox

    Kiki

  6. Ebi
    Ebi avatar
    5 posts
    13 July 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    Hi Kiki,

    I'm sorry if I gave the impression that you should just compare your problems to others' to minimise them...I was also trying to say that your feelings are valid, and no less important than anybody else's.

    I also want to say that I am a parent. I have had a very difficult year and a half which has left me tired and struggling with my thoughts and mood at times. I can understand you wanting to protect your parents from struggles but I know that for me, I would feel very sad that I had not supported my child when he or she needed me. Do you think your parents might feel that way too? If not, is there another safe and trusted adult you could talk to? Maybe these are suggestions others have already made on your other threads. I'm hoping they've also mentioned Kids Helpline...

    Thinking of you, Ebi

    1 person found this helpful
  7. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    147 posts
    13 July 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    Kiki

    You had thoughtful replies from Romanticthief, and Eli and many people reading but not posting would relate to what you wrote.

    I have often felt like you when I start reading very sad posts but as romantic thief explained all our problems matter.

    I like the way you have replied to people on the forum and helped them.

    You are a very thoughtful , clever and caring person and have a lot offer others.

    It is because you care so much about others that you worried your problems mattered less than others.

    I look forward to see what you write on this thread.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    14 July 2019 in reply to Ebi

    Hi Ebi,

    Thank you for responding again! I am sure that my parents would feel bad by not supporting me, although I just can't drum up the courage to tell them. All i've ever wanted to do was impress them and make them proud of their girl, and I know they won't be proud of depression. We are currently on a short domestic holiday, so I might tell them after to not ruin the holiday. The beach, food and various activities will probably minimise all the depressing thoughts anyways.

    Even if I cant talk to my parents, the school counsellor is a lovely woman who I trust deeply. I know she will help and understand me.

    Thank you for mentioning Kids Helpline, I might try that out as well.

    Thanks Ebi, I really appreciate your replies.

    Xox

    Kiki

  9. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky,

    Thank you for your generous and uplifting reply, and previous replies. I came here in search for help to ease anger at a friend (i was trying to tell her about the original post but she definitely didnt help) but I dont need it anymore because your posts always make me happy. Thank you, i really do appreciate it.

    xox

    Kiki

  10. Ebi
    Ebi avatar
    5 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    Hi Kiki,

    I can understand wanting to make your parents proud... Now that I think about it, making parents proud seems to be one of the biggest expectations put on children from an early age. But in my opinion, having mental health issues is not something to be proud or not proud of... It is something that is happening for you at the moment, you are not making it happen. It is not an achievement or a failure... It simply is...

    However, there are plenty of things that you have done that I'm sure your parents will be proud of... You have reached out here on these forums to receive and to give help. Amazing! You have looked beyond your own pain and distress to understand the pain of others...

    Your help-seeking is very pride-worthy. I would like to think that your parents would see that too and reaching out to them is also part of that... When my son faced mental illness he took himself to the GP before he told me what was going on... It was difficult and painful to know that he couldn't tell me first but I was extremely proud of him for reaching out for help.

    I hope you have a lovely holiday with your parents, and that you can set down your burdens and worries, if even for just a short time.

    Thinking of you, Ebi

  11. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to Ebi

    Hi Ebi,

    Thank you for your generous post, I really feel ready to tell my parents about my recent struggles. Thanks for just being here and constantly replying and helping me. I can tell that you and many others have made significant changes in my behaviour and thoughts. You have helped me realise that i am important.

    xox

    Kiki

  12. dumb plant
    dumb plant avatar
    2 posts
    17 July 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    kiki i feel you man, you get guilty over your feelings and it just makes you feel worse. sorry i have no advice to give you i'm trash as at giving advice, just know your feelings are valid and just because someone has it worse than you doesn't mean you shouldn't feel the way you do. i think we are both just a bit too hard on ourselves.

    don't worry.

  13. Kiki207
    Kiki207 avatar
    14 posts
    18 July 2019 in reply to dumb plant

    Dumb plant,

    Thanks for replying even though you had no advice to give. To be honest, I'm really fragile and one small sentence can change the way I feel for the rest of the day, even the week sometimes, for better or for worse.

    For example, when you said, just know ypur feelings are valid and just because someone has it worse than you doesn't mean you shouldn't feel the way you do. That really helped me, despite the fact that I've heard it many times before. Maybe just knowing that someone cares calms me.

    Anyways, thank you, I really appreciate your reply (I know I say that every time but I really do mean it)

    Xox

    Kiki

  14. Papercranes
    Papercranes avatar
    1 posts
    14 October 2019 in reply to Kiki207

    Hi,

    I'm in year ten this year and I often feel like a fraud. I get so stressed about schoolwork and my marks and I get upset about it all the time but then I go to school and talk to my friends who have problems that mean they have bigger things to worry about than what they get on year ten exams and I feel so guilty about complaining. I am really lucky with the life I was born into because I live in a country and area in which there are no wars or excessive violence or poverty, and I have heaps of great people in my life who don't pressure me to get good marks and support me but this somehow I don't seem to be able to just be thankful for what I have.

    I don't really know how this forum thing is supposed to work, sorry if this is irrelevant.

    papercranes