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Topic: falling behind, relationships, body image

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Kianna
    Kianna avatar
    1 posts
    4 June 2019

    I never thought I'd actually end up posting here. I've tried to in the past but could never really find the right words, that and I'm borderline illiterate thanks to stan twitter, but we wont get into that. Granted I still don't know what I'm doing, this is just my last little cry for help, I guess.

    Before we delve into it, I should probably introduce myself.

    Hi, the name's Kianna. There's not much to me really. I'm just a tired year 10 student born to a low-income family that is ultimately falling apart.

    So, I have crippling body dysmorphia and am clinically depressed. Obviously, this makes it very hard to do very basic things. As a student it isn't helpful when the only thing occupying the forefront of your mind is "you're fat, you're ugly, you're stupid" constantly. I don't even want to leave my house, and because of this my attendance is awful. It's always been bad, worse even. I made a huge effort at the start of this year, and it was great for a while, but I've fallen back into this self-destructive loop where I go from being super elated and motivated to wallowing in my own self-hatred and denying myself a crumb of happiness. I'm behind on my school work as well, having not actually been there and all. The hardest thing is knowing how capable I am of doing it, it's being on the brink of ending it all half of the time that's holding me back.

    With my poor attendance, lack of self-esteem and depressive episodes it's been very hard for me to maintain relationships with people my age (that, and I'm literally the most socially inept person on the planet). I've been used and abused throughout my life, these mental walls have come up because of it. I want to let people in, to have a pack (for lack of a better word, I'm not a furry, don't get it twisted) and to just feel like me again, cause damn I haven't seen that girl in a long time.

    ah so there's my rant for today. I'd like to talk some more about the fragility of my mental state and my whole family situation (it's a real doozy), but I'm a rambler. I like to turn everything into a bloody essay and this character count is making me anxious, so I'll stop here.

    congratulations if you've read all of this, and sorry lol.

    any advise is much appreciated, I'm not in a great place right now and I'll take any help I can get.

    thanks,

    Kianna

     

     

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    462 posts
    4 June 2019 in reply to Kianna

    Hi, welcome

    A well written post.

    I'm 63yo. As a teenager I had some big hangups I wont describe. I was teased and fell in a big hole. I didn't know it but I also had mental issues to do with 1/ family genes 2/ a near tragedy years earlier. These issues remained undiagnosed for over 40 years. So for that time working as a RAAf airman, prison officer, ranger and investigator I struggled to attend work and keep my head up. People were and still are my challenge. So based on all that I'll guide you through a few things one by one.

    Body image- The good news is the older you get the less it matters. The older you get the more focused you get on friends and lovers accepting you for who you are NO MATTER who that is. School era does not reflect that at all. There you are among largely immature opportunistic kids that seek only fun. In a short time in your life you will break free from that environment and you'll find a different world- the working world and adults.

    People- The adult world isn't without its unique problems however. It is a dog eat dog world. The stronger you are the less hurt you become from bullying, taunts, nastiness and judgements. So, I developed ideas on what I lacked to cope with this.

    Google and read the first post

    Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

    Beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 2

    There you will find a way of screening strangers so you don't let into your world those that are potentially hurtful/toxic. It's a defence many have but you and I have to develop. Once you have don't that life includes friends that have proven they are worthy of you love and care.

    Confidence isn't easy to grow. You can get it from other people and achievements but the best person to get it from is- YOU. How? Again google

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    Planning your life- It is no different than planning to build a house, save money, foundations, frame... So develop short medium and long term plans. Plans for one week ahead, 6 months, 5 years and so on. Try to stick to it.

    Worry- one of the things I detected was worry. If you worry about falling behind in your studies how will worry help you? Worry produces nothing but ulcers.

    Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

    So, based on that and your plans...your first short term goal should be to get to school (not worry about your studies) the second goal to ignore bullies and the third goal for the day is to appreciate yourself as a kind person.

    I hope that help. repost anytime

    TonyWK

  3. continuousventer
    continuousventer avatar
    7 posts
    9 June 2019 in reply to Kianna
    Hey Kianna!

    I was also born into a low income family who has been dysfunctional for years. I never knew how bad things were because my mum pretending things were okay and then I almost lost my mum to domestic violence. It's tough being from a low income family.

    Are you seeking help with your body dysmorphia? Have you considered other options with school like maybe online school?

    It sounds like you want connection with other people. I am a shy person in real life, but you got to put yourself out there in order for other people to discover you. Don't be afraid to just sparkle