Hi Summer Rose,


Thank you for your super kind reply.


Honestly, it would probably be best to take some proper action on what I’m going through, but I don’t want to cause any more trouble in the household. I’m afraid that by taking action, my dad will become infuriated and do worse things.


Truthfully, I’m terrified. Everyday I dread coming home, knowing what kind of life awaits me at home. I feel like so weak for not being able to cope with my dad’s abuse…


Dad keeps yelling at mum, saying she doesn’t raise me properly, never watches over me, and as a result I have become a failure. Frankly, I am disgusted by his words and actions towards her. She works full-time and yet does all the chores at home; my dad never lifts a single finger. She pays the bills, he (extremely reluctantly) pays my tuition, constantly telling me that I’m a waste of money, and that he thinks I have no hope and should just quit my tutors. He earns more than she does.


My mum’s not doing well… she has a strained shoulder, and it’s only been getting worse, because she has to keep doing all those chores, only for my dad to yell at her for any little mistake she makes. Like, if she accidentally hung his shirt in a different place than usual, or if she forgot to make one of the beds.


Earlier, he’d been yelling at me once more - it was particularly bad. I’m constantly crying at night in secret due to all the stress building up about exams, and he makes it worse by telling me I’m hopeless. I then left the room, and he continued by yelling at her - and she stood up for me. He kept yelling at her, I was so scared that he’d physically hurt her, but then he left to watch his soccer.

Hi C74

I'm so glad that it's helping you to pour out your thoughts. There is much I want to say but I'm going to now focus on your response to your dad.

I would suggest something along the lines of ...

I appreciate your support to provide me with tutoring. I believe it is really helping and I am trying my best.

However, I cannot guarantee a 96 atar. The calculations are complicated and out of my control. I can only set goals and i

Sorry, I hit post by accident ...

I can only set goals and the goals need to be realistic and reasonable. I know what you expect and I am trying. But I believe it's reasonable for me to achieve an atar somewhere between X and X. ( you have to decide the range) And this outcome is contingent upon continued tutoring.

So the choice is yours, Dad. You can help me to achieve my best or you can take whatever action you think is necessary. Whatever you decide, I will continue to work hard and try my best.

Does this make sense to you, C74? How do you think Dad would respond? At least this approach would remove the threat of what he's going to do if you don't get a 96. If he withdraws financial support for tutoring don't panic.

Your teachers will help you. Perhaps an extended family member could help you with a loan? Your friends could also help. It will be okay.

Kind thoughts to you

Hi C74

Firstly, I have been through the VCE process twice in recent times. Talked to school counsellors with my kids and then with career advisors (my daughter is 21 and son is 23). As my son needed help changing his uni path.

I believe your father is wrong. It is possible to transfer into medicine. One of my son's friends transferred from physio and I know another who has shifted from science. I don't know all the details of how they did this but I know it can be done.

No matter what atar you achieve (as long as it's in the ballpark) I believe you can find a way to get to where you want to be.

With regard to your father, let's look at the evidence. He wants you to become a doctor. He has threatened in the past to withdraw funds for tutoring but he hasn't followed through.

It's possible that he thinks his new threat will motivate you to achieve a 96 because he either doesn't understand or doesn't care about the impact of this threat on you.

But withdrawing tutoring now makes no sense if he truly wants you to become a doctor. And I think his ego needs you to reach medical school. What I'm saying is that it's possible he's bluffing to scare you.

Hi again

I also want to address the issue of a "good" atar. There really is no magic number because it depends on your ability, environment and circumstances.

My son achieved a 99.25 my daughter just under 80. My son was bright and healthy. My daughter was bright and unwell, battling a serious mental health condition.

For my daughter to graduate was a success. For her to do so in the top 25 per cent of the state was a major success. With a Seas application to reflect her circumstances, and her hard work against the odds, she got into her chosen course at her chosen univetsity. She is studying architecture.

I am incredibly proud of them both.

A 93 for you would be amazing but so would a 70 given your circumstances and mental health issues. You are doing an amazing job, please don't ever forget that.

Given your circumstances you are entitled to make a SEAS application. Talk to your school counsellor. This can make a big difference to you.

Kind thoughts to you

Hi C74

You have been on my mind all day and I'm hoping you have calmed down a bit before talking with your dad.

I know you are scared of him and I am so sorry for that. But you are not weak. You are incredibly strong. Everday you try your best in very challenging circumstances. One day at a time you are surviving. That takes courage, my friend.

I am glad that mum has been able to provide some comfort. Your mum must be sad and worried too, but that is not your fault. None of this is your fault. Sadly, your dad is not behaving in a rational or acceptable fashion.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a great person. I am proud of you and backing you 100 per cent.

I'm wondering how your visit with the school counsellor went? This would be an ideal time to pop back for a chat.

The counsellor can give you advice on getting into medicine through different pathways, if necessary. The counsellor could also help to work out home strategies to keep you safe.

I'm worried about you. In an emergency call 000. If you need to talk to someone call the bb support line, any time day or night.

When you have time, if you want (no pressure), let me know how it went with dad.

Kind thoughts to you