I want to say welcome and I am so very very pleased you have come and reached out for some support. I can hear how frustrated you are and how overwhelmed by pressure you are. That is so much for a young person to deal with, I am not sure why we continue in the year 2019 to follow a model that has caused so many kids anxiety, depression and overall feelings of self worthlessness and self loathing. You as a person are not a measure of your grades.
I am firstly wondering if you can reach out to a wellbeing officer or person at school like a counselor, if you can express how you are feeling that they might be able to assist you with coping with the pressure of performing and being a scholarship student there is that extra layer. I would love for you to get this addressed as soon as possible and I will tell you why.....I hope this is not too much for you but you have hit a real heart string for me..
..you see my brother was 19 years old and 3 months ago died by suicide...he was the dux of every year level, also at a prestigious school, he then went on to study Chemical Engineering and was awarded 3 scholarships. We thought how wonderful, the pressure is off and he can focus on studies....the thing was that he now had this horrific amount of guilt and burden as he saw all his friends working 2 jobs to pay for their course while he sat back and began to fail, he was the intellect, he was who everyone went to for help, there was so much pressure on him to perform and he the best, this was too much. I am so very sorry that he had this pressure and that he didn't just get on a bus and come home and say "I need a break" "I need some help". It all got too much and his grades started failing and his anxiety and depression crept in and an out of control spiral downwards then made this story end with suicide.
What I am getting at P17, and by no means am I suggesting you are suicidal but I would love for you to speak to someone to get the pressure out, the words out and to look after your mental health.
You are so much more than your academics, so very much more and maybe a small break lets you discover some things about you that you love and that you are good at and that make you happy, that is not about grades, scholarships and expectations.
I am not sure if this is helpful to you P17, but huge hugs to you.