Online forum 

These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice.

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

You should also have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online communityLogin to post


Topic: Do I need help or am I just sad about my ex?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest421
    Guest421 avatar
    1 posts
    28 November 2019

    We broke up a couple of months ago and immediately after I felt relieved for the possibility of still being friends, I had only lost feelings. I was and still am really confidant in my feelings that I am not romantically attracted to this person at all. I felt way too overwhelmed in the relationship and felt like a counselor almost, always taking in negative thoughts but never able to express my own feelings mutually or without the same respect. We were weak in communication but strong in trust, building our relationship on pure emotions and physical attraction, which was pretty unhealthy looking back.

    This changed a week later after a confrontation that the 'messy' breakup was my fault. Having it said to your face that you're the reason for someone's unhappiness was bad and even though I knew it wasn't 100% my fault I still beat myself over it. My friends and mum told be not to bother and worry but I was very determined to rekindle the friendship. I gave them space for a couple of weeks until I got worried and texted again and things got worse. I've tried a few times to apologize but they've just made me feel worse about myself until it turned into self hate rather than feeling sorry. The trigger is the ex but it's never really about the ex when I get lost in my own thoughts.

    A month ago I gave up trying and my life started to get better. I didn't think about it as often as I did before. It was only when they texted me recently wanting to give me trash they didn't want, it came back. It somehow felt worse, as I had tried so hard to get this person to be my friend again but after all this time I just felt used. They gave me the trash and I drew the line from there. I felt relieved. For once I thought I was over it and my supposed depression(?). But I still feel sad right now, even though I don't care about my ex anymore.

    Depressive episodes come and go but I get distracted and unmotivated everyday, barely finishing things I need to do at home. I've talked to a few friends but I really don't want to bother them and bog them down like how I felt with the ex.

    Quizzes about depression help but how do I know its not basic hormonal teenage emotions? It just feels like my default emotion is blank+sad.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    902 posts
    29 November 2019 in reply to Guest421

    Hello Guest421, thank you for posting your thread and when a breakup happens sometimes you may have difficulty in being able to express your emotional responses so please don't be so hard on yourself, it unfortunately happens and not necessarily for a wanted reason.

    You maybe relieved that your relationship is over but that doesn't mean the depression will instantly go away if you're already suffering from it and could lead to other problems, not that I'm qualified to say, only know from experience.

    There are a couple of comments you have made which indicate a particular illness which I'd to mention but I don't believe I can, so if can print your comment and take it to your doctor to read and get a diagnosis that would be a great help.

    Mental strength within yourself can change but it's the positive signs that can do this.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    413 posts
    29 November 2019 in reply to Guest421

    Hi Guest421,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us. I'm glad that you're here.

    I'm sorry to hear about what's happened with your ex - I think breakups are hard on their own, let alone being friends. It seems like the breakup was a bit of a messy one, and I'm glad that you know that you're nobodies reason for unhappiness -what a cruel thing to say.

    With your question though, that one is a little more complex.

    Often, with the symptoms of depression (that you've probably read online), it can seemingly come about with a life event - like in breakups for example, or grief. As an example, if someone lost a loved one, they might be really sad and they might even meet the criteria for depression - but that doesn't mean they'll get a diagnosis. For a diagnosis, it's having met all this criteria/symptoms for a while now (like a long time after grief or a breakup).

    At the same time though, a diagnosis or quiz doesn't really matter - what matters is how you're feeling. I know that whether it's a 'diagnosis' or 'hormonal emotions' doesn't matter to me. Both of them are very real. Both of them suck. Both of them are valid, and both of them are worthy of getting some help.

    Would you be open to having a chat with someone you trust about it? Whether it's your parents, GP or school counsellor?

    RT

  4. Alexstrongsoul
    Alexstrongsoul avatar
    3 posts
    3 December 2019 in reply to Guest421
    Hello! First of all, it’s really good, you know that there is no one’s fault in this. I’m so sorry to know about your break up with your ex! But as I see, you know all the reasons and moreover, you know how to explain everything what happened, that means that you don’t need any serious help with your issue, because you did it already, but I think it’ll be better to ask your doctor about that, because I’m not a specialist.
    Anyway, you’ve made a really good job with your bad condition! It still hurts, but you’re strong enough to fight over that feeling. The only “pill” in your case is time. Unfortunately, you need to wait for feeling better.
    But I believe it'll be better soon!
    Wish you good luck