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Topic: divorce and frustration

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. jacques g
    jacques g avatar
    3 posts
    16 July 2019
    so this has been on my mind for a while now, and i just need it out. this is going to be long, sorry


    when i was about 7-8 years old i snooped on my mums phone while she ran into the shop. i told her i wanted to play an app and she just let me use it as it was very common for me to ask. i decided to look through her texts and saw my dads name.




    they had been texting about his late night drinking everyday and how if he didn’t stop, she would have to divorce him. (he has previously come home drunk and almost harmed me, i still remember it vividly and i don’t know what would of happened if she didn’t wake up. it was accidental but still). i didn’t know what that meant at the time and kept going on.




    eventually i understood how bad the situation was and remembering back to that situation when i was about 10/11 it made me hate my father because he still hadn’t stopped. then in january 2017 (i was 12) she broke the news that they were divorcing. i knew why from the start even when she told me that it was a mutual split. mum talks to dad still and always tries to make me. (i think she does it because of my sister.)




    i never want to see him, talk to him because i know he could of prevented this by putting us first for once. i was going through mental health issues (ocd depression and anxiety) and i couldn’t handle it. my mum still doesn’t know that i know about their conversation years ago but i’ve told all my therapists ( i’ve had about 4 so far) and they all end up blaming me and tell me to let him back in.




    i’m so sick of feeling like the evil one who’s pushing everyone apart and only my one friend agrees with me. my sister and dad are close and i don’t want to say anything to ruin their relationship but if i tell mum that i know, she’ll think i betrayed her trust and hate me. i feel so guilty about not wanting a relationship with dad and i don’t know what to do.


    i also feel guilty because i know so many people who’s dads abandoned them and left them with their mums and i feel really guilty by pushing him away. should i just listen to everyone else?
  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    902 posts
    16 July 2019 in reply to jacques g

    Hello Jacques, thanks for posting your comment and I'm sorry for what has happened and what other people tell you may give you some ideas, but you need to decide what you want to do by yourself, however, perhaps you could speak to Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 and discuss this problem.

    I can only advise you but would like to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    414 posts
    16 July 2019 in reply to jacques g

    Hey jacques g,

    Thanks for your post. I've read it a few times over now and I see no part where you should be blamed or feel guilty. For what it's worth (even though I'm a stranger) I feel sad that your therapists blame you too.

    Given I'm an outsider, I can kind of imagine how you feel, but I kind of imagine how your mum feels and how your dad feels too. It sounds like they both want you in your dad's life, but you don't want to be. It makes sense that you don't want to be too - it sounds like your dad played a big part in that divorce and struggled to get his drinking under control.

    You said in your post that there's some stuff your mum doesn't know, so what does she know?

    I think that to me it's okay if you push your dad away, because you need to right now - it doesn't mean that you have to push him away forever or he can never be apart of your life. Maybe pushing him away is right for you, or maybe it's unpacking those feelings so you can let him in. You are really the one who knows you best.

    Hope this helps :)

    1 person found this helpful
  4. jacques g
    jacques g avatar
    3 posts
    16 July 2019 in reply to romantic_thi3f
    thank you, it really helped to have someone understanding where i’m coming from. mum knows that i know about dads drinking and how it’s still happening. last time i went over to dads with my sister i looked in his fridge and there were a ton of beer glasses. that was a couple weeks ago and i haven’t seen him since. she also knows that i know about how it made her feel as she’s broken down to be about it but told me not to tell anyone, other than that i don’t think she knows anything else
  5. jacques g
    jacques g avatar
    3 posts
    16 July 2019 in reply to jacques g
    beer cans*