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Topic: Depressed online/friend/crush? How to help, when i am also struggling with deep depression?

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. arealinsomniac
    arealinsomniac avatar
    2 posts
    1 January 2019

    About 5 months ago i met a guy online, and we began talking. we live on opposite sides of the world, i from Aus him from US. with some of the same shared interests we have & talking every single day, we became comfortable w each other, and he begun trusting me a lot and venting to me about his depression/how he feels/his life. we are both in our early 20's, and he hasn't had the best childhood/adolescence with drug abuse parents/family issues/no healthy support system really. and he had dropped out of highschool at age 17 due to not being able to concentrate, he hasn't gotten his diploma and can only work at a family business, and he tells me he is just very depressed a lot, and lonely, and feels lost like he has no will to live/nor motivation. i'm a kind and caring person so i do the best i can by always being there for him despite timezones, whether him and i talk on the phone/or text. I try my hardest to make him feel like he matters, and i know i'm doing an ok job because he told me 'you make me feel like i have a purpose on this earth and nobody has made me feel like that'' i think everyone in his life has hurt him. parents/family/ all of his ex irl- girlfriends have cheated on him so many times and he feels really worthless and suicidal even though he doesn't tell me he wants to kill himself he hides it.

    i know i cant do much since i live so far away from him but i also struggle with depression and i sort of hide it from him i try to be strong, because i dont want him to know how i'm feeling as it'll make him feel worse. him and i like each other, and care about each other a lot. but sometimes i feel like he is distant towards me, and talks to other people online as i'm seeing.. .but then i'm ignored when all i do is try my hardest to lift him up and be there emotionally, when he's sad/or having a good day. We are also talking romantically most times, which gives me hope that maybe things will be better he just needs a change- somebody to show him that he actually does matter and cares about him for who he is as a whole person.

    But i don't know what to do, i feel anxious and scared that i'm a lost cause, and i'm nervous that he is going to shut me out. in november he blocked me for a month because he began dating some girl who lives near him but she cheated on him and he ran back to texting me realising it was karma? he said. i'm always there for him but i'm scared he might take advantage, and i will be left with nothing. What can i do?

  2. jess334
    Community Champion
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    jess334 avatar
    20 posts
    2 January 2019 in reply to arealinsomniac

    Hi Arealinsomniac,

    I'd like to extend a warm welcome to the forums. I hope you find support and help here.

    Online relationships (even friendships) can be very different from real life. It is easy to pour out our heart & soul to another person when we can't see them, but it can also be harder to know if they are sincere.

    If you have a real connection with this person, then I would strongly encourage you to talk to him about how you are feeling. Try not to worry about overloading him. Often it is easier to talk to someone about mental health if you know they understand how you feel.

    If you want a real romantic relationship with him it would be worth sorting these issues out now before you commit. It's also important to look after yourself. Do you have people that you can talk to about your depression and anxiety?

    Kind thoughts, Jess

  3. arealinsomniac
    arealinsomniac avatar
    2 posts
    2 January 2019 in reply to jess334

    Hi Jess334, Thank you!
    And you are very right about that online friendships/any type of relationships are very hard, and it takes a lot of trust. he has emotionally hurt me a couple times where he ignored me/cut me off that november for a month for some other girl so that had left me feeling a little shocked/rejected because i'd tried my best to show him how much he does matter on this earth, and that there are people around him who care for him a lot and i tell him that no matter what struggles life throws at him whether it be him having no motivation to go back to school and get his dipolma and get some experience for work, so he can put it on his Resume/CV as he has no proper experience for work. everything is just against him he feels - lack of motivation, and he thinks he is going to be doomed, since he told me 'you have to really want somethng to get it and i don't know how to feel it, i don't know how to get ambition and motivated to go back to school again' he has tried twice he told me, but he also suffers with adhd and gets distracted and has a hard time learning - he has had tutoring/and went to the school for 6-7 months, but did not quite get far with his work that needed to be done, so nothing was really accomplished he said. and he is fearful for his life that he will go nowhere. as his family is unsupportive/ and he also lives with his grandparents. he opened up to me and told me, he has no car/no license/ no bank account. and i helped and gave some heartwarming advice to just focus on one thing at a time - getting his license, then focusing on the rest later. I feel a little selfish that i feel neglected and i'm anxious he might be romantic towards girls who actually live near him and i am just a past time online person to him while he fixes himself which hurts me, because my emotions and how i feel about him are real, even if it is 'online'

    i'm currently seeing a therapist, and have been for a year now, and a psychiatrist every 6 months for a check up. i'm currently on meds, and trying to tackle debilitating depression and anxiety. as i find it hard for myself to be motivated to get up. i also feel very attached to him which i understand is not healthy, but i am a big hearted person and i want to see him do and feel better, even if i'm not doing the best.....