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Topic: Controlling parents

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Porschee
    Porschee avatar
    1 posts
    20 November 2017

    Hi.

    I’m new and I just want some help dealing with my family and how they make me feel. My parents control a lot of my life they ban me from doing anything hanging out with people they don’t approve of (these people have never gotten on trouble with school or the law) stopping me from going out stopping me from participating in community and school activities. But lately it’s gotten worse i want a job and my parents are lecturing me about getting a job but every job I have looked at or gone to apply for my parents and sister have said there is no way I would be hired that I wouldn’t get it that I shouldn’t even try. I’ll ask to do something and my parents won’t answer me until after the event, or ask me a question that no answer is correct for. For example I wanted to go away with friends and my mum asked how I was getting there and I asked if her or dad could take me and she yelled at me for assuming that they could do stuff for me. A few days later (she has been ignoring me) I asked again and said that my friends parents could take me and she got angry cause I didn’t rely on her. She then ignored me Untill she left the state despite me continuing to ask and telling her that I had to pay soon. When she came back a month later the day After i was meant to go away she told me I could go even tho all my friends had already left and it was a two night thing. My parents have also told me there is no point getting the degree I want at university cause there isn’t any jobs in it, and I won’t get enough money to survive or pay back student loans and am just wasting my time and money. They also tell me how I’m not smart enough to get in and how I won’t be able to pay to live (I have to move out to study). They are currently talking with my sister about how stupid going to uni is and how I’m going to end up broke and homeless and that even tho I’ve applied for scholarships, youth allowance and have a job I’m wasting my time and life. My parents will also send me to live with my grandma if I don’t do what they want or annoy them in anyway. I just need to know how do you deal with a family who makes you feel like a failure, and how can I leave this household whilst not ending up in the streets.

  2. Juliet_84
    Juliet_84 avatar
    2 posts
    20 November 2017 in reply to Porschee

    Porschee,

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this but good on you for recognizing what this is about, control. I grew up with a very controlling mother, and having been diagnosed with a medical condition as a teenager, was told that I'd never be able to do anything, I would have to rely on her, I'd never get a job, have a husband etc and was made to feel that I was indebted. But like you, I realized that this was all about control and I swore to myself that I'd never let that happen. So I put my head down, I worked hard, I got a job on weekends. She hated it and made my life difficult (the only person I know that would directly try and sabotage their child's education, start huge arguments the night before major exams etc) but I wouldn't allow her to derail me. I moved out and never looked back :)

  3. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    143 posts
    21 November 2017 in reply to Porschee

    Porschee

    Welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your story here.

    I am sorry you feel confused and worried. You are trying to find your own way in life and feel your are getting no support from your parents only that they want to control you,

    It is difficult when you have different ideas from your parents. Sometimes parents can seem controlling when they are worried about their children's future. The idea of a child leaving home and starting their own life and possibly making mistakes can seem very hard.

    I was wondering if you have had career advice about the uni course you are thinking of doing. Is it uni your parents are worried about or just the course you have chosen?

    You are trying hard to work out your future and I admire your determination.

    Quirky

  4. sealandair
    sealandair avatar
    1 posts
    6 February 2019

    Hi porschee,

    Run, run you beautiful thing, run to your life,

    Sausages are cheap and mcdonalds pays extra if your working nightshift. Just don't use all the milk in the share accommodation fridge.

    Did your parents go to university?

    Make a plan, save some money, pursue your university dream. They'll come around, or maybe not but you will at least have your own life.