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Topic: Boyfriend of seven months ends our relationship suddenly despite my best efforts to compromise and help him

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. BrokenDancer
    BrokenDancer avatar
    2 posts
    28 January 2019

    Hi, I have been going out with this guy for 7 months, and though things are not perfect, I have always loved being with him, and he dotes on me. I felt that we really click.

    Unfortunately, he is a busy guy. On top of work and studying, his family is very needy and controlling. Recently, he attempted to move out but his mother cried and begged him to stay, saying he was ruining their family. On top of taking care of many chores and his mom's studies, he has now been left with the household financial responsibility oafter his father injured himself and could not work. Other instances of his family being toxic include them demanding him to leave our dates to go home right away for no reasons, and being rude to him despite it being unwarranted. This leaves very little time for us.

    This is unfair on him since he is the youngest of 4 and the only one who gets treated like this, and I have tried to discuss this issue with him frequently. However, he still gets very touchy and says that is just how they are - dysfunctional. As I believed it was not healthy nor beneficial for him, I tried time and again to talk about these issues.

    On Saturday night, after less than an hour of being at my place where we were getting ready to go out, his family calls and demands for him to be home, even though he had spent Friday and the day with them before coming over. Even though I had been more patient the other times as I know how hard it gets for him, I snapped and yelled some pretty nasty things at him.

    The next morning, we met up and he has already made up his mind. He has my things to return and he says we cannot do this anymore. This comes as a shock to me because we have always been able to work things out before. Suddenly he claims that we are different people and we want different things.

    After some reflection yesterday and today, I can see how much more pressure he must have felt from his family than he let on, and how perhaps he felt he was no longer in a place to be in a relationship. However, I am still deeply hurt and angry because I had stayed when my friends told me to leave before, because I believed that life does not get any easier, and we stay with the people we choose to make an effort for.

    I gave everything I had to this relationship and I feel extremely hurt and betrayed. I feel he did not even try to fight for me when I had compromised many times before for him. I know it will take time but it just hurts so much right now and I cannot do anything about it.

  2. BrokenDancer
    BrokenDancer avatar
    2 posts
    28 January 2019 in reply to BrokenDancer
    I am not sure why my post is not appearing under the new posts section :( Hopefully this might help to get it appear over there.
  3. PamelaR
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    60 posts
    29 January 2019 in reply to BrokenDancer

    Hi Broken Dancer and welcome to our forums

    Thank you for sharing your story. Breakups are very hard and can take time to recover and to heal.

    It sounds like you both do want different things from life. He sounds someone who is committed to his family. This is good in many cultures. It sounds like you want your life with him for yourself and it looks like that isn't going to be the way he wants it. I can see that's difficult to take. Everyone is different and want different things in life. Sometimes it can work, but it could also be a course of friction in a relationship.

    You are not alone in your grief over your broken relationship. It is a normal response. Have you thought about seeing some one to help you through this very difficult time? E.g. a counsellor. Or talking to a close trusted friend or relative?

    Hope you find some peace moving forward in your life. It's a new chapter you are beginning and there could be so many different opportunities out there for you.

    Hope some of this helps BrokenDancer.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    68 posts
    30 January 2019 in reply to BrokenDancer
    Hi BrokenDancer, the New Posts tab only shows posts that are new to you - as you have read your thread, it will not appear in that tab for you, but it will appear in the tab as unread for others.