Online forum 

These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice.

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

You should also have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online communityLogin to post


Topic: Advice on my thoughts

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Andrew_C
    Andrew_C avatar
    3 posts
    27 January 2019

    Hi, my name's andrew as you can tell and im 16 years old. I'm currently going through a breakup in relationship and have been feeling really heart broken.

    Would anyone have any tips to relieve this kind of feeling or how to move on with more positive feelings? I cry when everything is silent and I do talk to a few people but not intensely about my problems more just to sidetrack myself.

  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    81 posts
    27 January 2019 in reply to Andrew_C

    Hi Andrew

    I feel for you so deeply as you now try to meet the challenge of reforming yourself whilst facing the grief of the breakup.

    The relationships we have in life tend to have an impact on our identity. We tend to identify our self through how we relate to others and the world in general. Eg: I am Andrew who is ____'s boyfriend. I am loved by ____. I am someone who goes to this place or that when I'm with ____. I mention the idea of reform because now you're looking at reforming your 'I am' to a degree, your identity (how you identify yourself). Now that you're not in a relationship with your partner, do you have any idea when it comes to who you want to be without your partner there to relate to? I don't expect you to answer but just to have a think about the idea. Dealing with the loss of an appointment (role we feel we were meant to play in life) is definitely a challenging disappointment. Consciously appointing our self new positive constructive roles is key when it comes to moving through grief of any kind.

    People can tend to underestimate the impact of a breakup, on so many levels. Whilst age is never factor regarding the intensity (we all feel pain), mind, body and spirit are definitely all 'round factors. By the way, when I refer to 'spirit', I'm talking about our sense of connection to the world in a number of unique ways. It's not a religious thing.

    The mental aspect not only relates to our identity, it also relates to how we process the information we're trying to come to terms with. Referencing old mental programs is a process which may not get us to where we need to be. Eg: I am of value because I am ____'s boyfriend. I am lovable because ____ loves me. Sometimes we need develop new mental programs which define our most authentic self.

    Regarding the physical side of things, it's worth Googling 'The 4 chemicals for happiness '. Researching how to boost these chemicals within our body can be helpful when we're feeling an all time low.

    Andrew, you can see how complex we are in regard to dealing with major challenge/change. I could say 'You'll be right, time heals' and all that stuff but I believe it's far more constructive to provide insight when it comes to consciously managing our way toward healing. Developing new mental programs in our head to identify with (mind), boosting the happiness chemistry within us (body) and creating new and positive connections in this world (spirit) are actions which aid in our reformation.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  3. White Rose
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    273 posts
    27 January 2019 in reply to Andrew_C

    Dear Andrew

    Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you joined us.

    Therising has given you some very valuable insight into the way our bodies and minds work. Please think about her comments. It is hard when a valued relationship ends and you feel quite lost. A bit like being in a maze and unable to find your way out. Therising's last paragraph is so true, no clich├ęs really do the trick as well as you can when you set yourself to move past this unhappy period of your life. Sadly we do get overwhelmed by our emotions and once on that spiral it's hard to stop, take a (metaphorical) deep breath and move on.

    Getting yourself out and about is a good thing. No need to talk to anyone about your breakup unless you are asked and want to talk. One thing I learned was to make sure I was hydrated. Drink plenty of water especially these days with all the very high temperatures. When your body is being nourished there is a flow on effect to your mind. Drink water and eat good stuff even if you have little appetite. Exercise is also good. There is an enormous connection between your brain and the endorphins produced with exercise. All good stuff.

    It is surprising that when you go for a walk or jog you may start thinking about your breakup but other things will impinge. The scenery for example, what's happening over there, never been down this street before etc. Not rocket science. Instead the everyday life which keeps you in the present and gives you satisfaction.

    Andrew, it may help you to continue writing in here, a place to vent your feelings if you wish. I hope to hear from you again.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Andrew_C
    Andrew_C avatar
    3 posts
    27 January 2019 in reply to therising
    Thank you so much for your response. The whole identity thing really hit me and made me realise a lot of things. but I'm completely lost when it comes to who I want to be. up until a few days ago, I literally chose my girlfriend as my reason to do things. She was basically one of my only motivations. I will definitely check out the 4 chemicals for happiness. Thanks again
  5. Andrew_C
    Andrew_C avatar
    3 posts
    27 January 2019 in reply to White Rose
    I'll take on that advice of doing exercise and walking about. I was actually planning to just shut off for awhile but maybe I'll take the initiative and try to move on. I think I'll be okay from here on but I will definitely come back when I am in a struggle again.