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Topic: A girl I have feelings for has suddenly cut me out of her life. I'm devastated and heartbroken.

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. LC90
    LC90 avatar
    3 posts
    1 June 2015

    I met this girl on an overseas trip and became good friends, I really liked her and developed feelings for her. She lives on the other side of the country and after a few months of intense chatting back and forward for about 9 months, I decided to take a trip and go and see her. We met up together and everything went really well! We were chatting and we had a pretty good time hanging out together. 

    When I get back home however she's different with me, she doesn't reply to either my text or FB messages, she doesn't answer my calls and if she does they are filled with one word answers, which is weird as usually the messages she sends are pretty long and detailed.

    All of a sudden two days ago, I go on facebook and she's un-friended me, I sent her another friend request and she rejected it and she's blocked my number. How can someone go from messaging you 5 times a week, having a great time hanging out to completely ignoring you, cutting the cord, and discarding you overnight.

    I'm not into the whole "sour grapes" thing where I completely run her down. The fact remains she is a sweet, kind, caring person. That's why I'm so confused as to what could trigger someone to suddenly stop ALL communication with someone overnight like that? I don't think I did anything wrong. I feel completely devastated and down in the dumps.

    I don't know what I did wrong. It's really, really hurt me and I don't know what to do. I want her back in my life :-(

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    470 posts
    2 June 2015 in reply to LC90

    Hi LC, welcome here

    This is not uncommon at all. For example- A parent of a child not living with him, discontinues contact with him. Cuts all ways to chat.

    We often are left lifeless, not knowing the reasons and it can torment us. IMO it is not mature for these people to treat us this way. The mature way is to talk it over, allowing them to tell us why. In your girls case it could be a simple matter of telling you that "while I like you, you do live on the other side of the country and that for me is not sustainable in the long term. So I'm sorry, I cant see it working" or something like that. But maybe she isnt capable of that explaination and cutting you off is a sign of how immature she might be.

    What I can suggest is to let things go for a few months. Then send her a brief message, that you want to remain friends. Leave it at that. She must be able to feel free to make up her own mind.

    But for now, I'd take on board the fact that relationships are fickle delicate things and we often dont know the inside feelings of another person. You dotn know 100% if she has a guy she is interested in other than you, or she doesnt want a relationship at this time etc.

    Take care. It's tough..... There are other girls in the world that wont treat you this way

    Tony WK.

  3. LC90
    LC90 avatar
    3 posts
    2 June 2015 in reply to white knight

    Hi whiteknight,

    Thank you for the reply. I should have mentioned in my previous post that I did send her a brief message. I told her that I'm sorry she felt the need to disconnect with me but if she ever wanted a friend I'd always be here for her. So far she has seen the message but has not replied to it.

    It's really destroyed me, particularly as I was considering making some serious positive changes for my life because of her. Some days she was the only reason I got out of bed.

    I don't know what I could have done to have made this happen. Apparently (I heard this from a friend of hers) that she disconnected other people as well and even they don't know why. Could she have a boyfriend or be interested in someone else? Possibly, but even so, why would someone see that as the need to cut me and others out of her life, particularly as I thought we were close and things were going so well. It's wracking my brain.

    The connection I had with her was unlike any other girl I have ever met. She's the only girl I have ever had feelings for like this. I've searched and searched and she was my dream girl, everything I could ever have wanted. If I can't have her in my life, I don't want another woman. I seriously cannot see myself having feelings for her as intense for another woman that I have with her.

  4. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    470 posts
    2 June 2015 in reply to LC90

    Hi LC,

    A question- are you being realistic?

    We humans dont really know someone for a long time. If she is your "dream girl" are you sure you havent had some infatuation for her....slight obsession?

    I'm challenging you a little but there is a reason. See no matter what you say, you must not have known her all that well. Who knows why people do the things they do?

    Lets look at the extremes of possibility so we can clarify things. One extreme to the left is that she isnt very well, has mental issues to do with her emotional side that no one else knows about. She had fallen madly in love with you so much so she had to abandon ship as soon as you left. To the right is that she has a boyfriend she prefers than you. She cant face other guys to tell them she isnt interested. She could be "playing the field". She could be heavily depressed in which case it is not a cemented relationship for you to intervene to "save her".

    And all the other possibilities in between. But I'm just guessing like you. What is important here for you, is that you understand that there is a huge gap between our emotional thoughts and the way the world is. Following your heart onyl is mixed with danger, a good mix of head and heart is the way to go.

    I dont believe for one minute that you'll go through your life not finding another girl you'll fall more in love with. I've been in love about 6 times, married twice, defacto for 10 years also with another. I know at this time you feel that way, time will give you the wisdom to know things happen for a reason.

    There is a positive side to everything. You never know...that had you united with this girl on a permanent basis that she could have (by her way of cutting people off) shattered you even more? Now, imagine if you had children with this girl and she cut you off? I dont want to go into too much detail here and get off the track but then you'd be only seeing your children once every fortnight, have little money to have a decent life due to child support and at risk your kids would be turned against you... there is a positive that this happened now!!  and not down the track.

    You could do as I did after my marriage of 11 years failed. Daily I'd look in the mirror and tell myself I'm a decent person that deserves a decent woman to live my life with. That it wasnt my fault it failed. And I'm going out there and in time will find the love of my dreams.......and I did.

    Time will heal. Try to learn to be more realistic. For it to work it needed both of you

  5. LC90
    LC90 avatar
    3 posts
    2 June 2015 in reply to white knight

    Hi whiteknight,

    Am I obsessed? To be honest, I would have to say yes...a little. She was and is always on my mind, even now.

    The thing is I have never really had a girlfriend before. I've had brief flings with girls in the past but never a solid relationship. She was everything I could ever want in a girlfriend and everything I have always dreamed of in a girl. Does she feel the same way about me? I thought so and I'd like to think so, but if she did this to me I don't know. I know sometimes we see in people what we want to see. If they are close enough to what we want, we project all of our wants onto them, and see them as the perfect person even if they're not. I know she wasn't perfect, but she was perfect to me.

    I don't see anything positive coming out of this. I really don't. I can't explain why but interacting her and being around her I felt a surge of confidence in myself that I hadn't experienced in a very, very long time. I felt alive. Since she's cut me out, my confidence, self-esteem and self-worth has taken a nose dive and I keep tormenting myself with "what ifs" and "why did this have to happen" type scenarios. I go from bawling my eyes out to becoming down and depressed and not knowing what to do with myself.

    I don't know how to get over it. I've tried to keep my mind busy by getting out of the house, reading and exercising and but it doesn't help. My parents are supportive but are getting sick of me talking about it. The only thing my friends have told me is to just suck it up and move on with my life, which is harder said than done. Part of me does not want to move on. I'm in love with her and I want to be loved. This may sound weird but I feel if I met another girl it would be cheating on her in a way, not that I'm looking for a relationship with another girl at the moment.

  6. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    white knight avatar
    470 posts
    3 June 2015 in reply to LC90

    Hi LC

    ok, lets take one bit of your thinking at a time here.

    re " I know she wasn't perfect, but she was perfect to me." maybe, but if you were perfect for her she wouldnt act like this. It is a two way thing.

    "Since she's cut me out, my confidence, self-esteem and self-worth has taken a nose dive and I keep tormenting myself with "what ifs" and "why did this have to happen" type scenarios. I go from bawling my eyes out to becoming down and depressed and not knowing what to do with myself."   How are you going to go when a close family member passes on? For you are not only describing the loss of a "potential" girlfriend, you would be posing a close person you've known and loved all your life that has died.??

    "She was everything I could ever want in a girlfriend" Everything? So your dreams of the perfect girl cuts you off and refuses contact? Perhaps the "perfect girl" in your mind is like her but with improvements...big improvements.

    "The only thing my friends have told me is to just suck it up and move on with my life," Yes, because that's what the average person does. You are LC, not them. Sometimes the last people you ask advice from is people not emotionally involved or not qualified to comment.

    "I'm in love with her and I want to be loved" Want to be loved? means you know you were not loved by this girl. Your love for her IMO is infatuation and puppy love. That isnt meant to hurt you, its meant to clarify it to you. Also bare in mind- for some this kind of love is only ever replaced by the love for another girl. Thats why its important to move on.

    "This may sound weird but I feel if I met another girl it would be cheating on her in a way"  Thats because you are thinking unrealistically. I've felt this way myself a few times when young only to find the girl was seeing another guy all along. I was wasting my energy and thoughts for weeks...wasting my life away.

    It has come to a point now LC that you need professional help. Unless you can divert you thoughts with the help of hobbies, sports, mates, etc then you have to seek the advice of a doctor and seek therapy. I am with you on this, I know how you feel. I've been there. But not only are you not able to move on, one day in the future you might meet another girl and you'll feel the same way and WHAM.. As I said before imagine if you married and had kids. Your whole world comes crashing down as well as your future..

    You havent got the tools to deal with this. Tell this to your parents

    Tony WK

  7. Narniakid
    Valued Contributor
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    Narniakid avatar
    221 posts
    11 June 2015

    Dear LC,

    I am going to share with you a quote from one of my favourite books, 'Staying Strong 365 Days A Year' by Demi Lovato, as I feel it is relevant to your situation.

    "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overanalyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on. - Tupac"

    Zone in on this moment right now. Focus on your breathing and be thankful for where you are. Make an effort to move forward today. This "dream girl" of yours is more like a nightmare with all the grief she has caused you, and you deserve someone much more mature. I promise you, you CAN get through this. Channel your heartbreak into art and writing. Paint what you feel. Throw yourself into work or studying something you love. Make a mood board for your room and fill it with things you want to achieve and places you'd like to travel to. Try new things. Enrich your life with the things around you.

    I promise, you won't feel like this forever. Seek some professional guidance, and keep in mind we are all here supporting you. You were strong enough to live your life before you met her, and you are strong enough to go on without her. I believe in you. 

     

  8. Federer
    Federer avatar
    1 posts
    25 April 2018 in reply to Narniakid
    Narniakid, can I ask why do girls do this? I am just assuming based on your avatar (apologies if I am pre-judging) I have experienced something similar where she broke my heart and it has led to me experiencing health issues like baldness, and stress and anxiety. I was trying to mend relationships with her because I felt she wanted me to be like her previous boyfriend which I am not I am completely different to her previous boyfriend. She is also getting advice from her friend who is also a divorcee and she invited me to a party with her colleagues but I get anxiety attacks every time I think about her and I feel people are living false hopes if they feel that a 'dream girl' exists where girls just leave you if the money runs dry or if you are not confident enough or don't know how to take care of yourself. I am not targeting women here but I feel there needs to be more help for Men too, there is support for Women for domestic violence but guys have to cop a lot of crap too.
  9. IKK
    IKK avatar
    1 posts
    6 August 2019 in reply to LC90

    A girl I have feelings for has suddenly cut me out of her life. I'm devastated and heartbroken