For 4 years since starting uni I haven't had normal mental health for various reasons ranging from social loneliness to death anxiety. But currently I'm stuck in a very weird problem and my mentality is honestly malfunctioning.
So essentially, for 3 years at uni I totally struggled to make any friendships, I got terrible depression and my grades went to ruin. Last year things turned around, I started doing good in studies again and met my current best friend.
For a socially-incapable ASD person like me, surprisingly her and I had a lot in common and we really connected. She and I became quite close and life was good for some time. I did end up falling in love, and was turned down, and that hurt a lot, but currently it's a somewhat separate issue.
Mostly I asked her out because I genuinely liked her, but a part of it was a desperate gambit to keep her around a bit longer. It's the first real friendship I experienced in ages and I am terrified to lose it. This year we have many of the same courses, and next year, not so much, and it's actually influencing my choice of electives because I desperately want more chances to be with her.
But I am certain my concerns with our friendship has become obsessive and unhealthy. I would frequently check Facebook to see if she said anything to me. I would get frustrated when I get messages from other people because I thought the notification was her. When she doesn't come to uni I feel like shit, and as even as I write this I'm literally looking out the window to see if she'll come to class today.
I know this is weird and wrong. If she knew she'd probably be somewhat freaked out. But I don't know, my brain seems broken right now. Help.