Youthbeyondblue

My best friend tore my heart in two.

TDOForms — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:12:05 +0000

My best friend was of the opposite sex, and two years younger than me. We did everything together, we talked 24/7. Until in May i made a big mistake. I thought i was doing the right thing. He was getting into some really bad drugs, so i spoke to his parents about it because i was concerned. He found out and told me never to speak to him again, I was guttered, but i understood. A week later we began talking again and things seemed normal. A few months passed and everything was fine, and then my auntie died suddenly and i felt lost, i turned to him because as my best friend i thought he would be there. He ignored all my messages, calls, facebook messages, everything, right up until the day of the funeral, on the day of the funeral, he decided to apologise and wanted to see me and be there for me. That was fine. Then a week later, he randomly just stopped talking to me again, i did anything i could to get him to reply to my messages, i was going insane trying to work out what i had done. After a while he did reply, but he just wanted money, i gave it to him, and then days passed and it happened again, it got to a point where i was working 50 hour weeks and the majority of it was going to him but i didnt care because we were talking again. months went by and this was what was happening, i put up with it because i thought i was being a good friend. He then once again stopped talking to me, and then started talking to me a week later. he did it a few times, i was getting more and more frustrated with him and it was hurting more and more each time. Around came christmas and things were going well, but we got into an argument on christmas day and decided not to talk until after new years. On new years day we spoke and things had been amazing since then, it was like things went back to normal. But then last week, we had arranged to do something together to catch up on the sunday, but on the friday he just stopped replying to me again, i was so hurt that i could barely manage to be happy for my friends 21st, all i wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and cry until the pain went away. When i got home from my friends 21st, my room mate came to me and told me what his ex girlfriend had told her earlier that day. I was saved in his phone as fat f***, and that he only used me for money and so i would drive him around. I confronted him about it and he told me to go away, in a much more colorful form. A few days after that i messaged him to find out if he was the person pranking orders under my name at my place of work and i copped abuse like i never have before. I hated myself so much after reading his reply, i was nice to him, and he turned around and abused me. I was always nice to him, i always gave him what he needed, he was the reason i woke up everyday, now its been 3 days since speaking to him and i really am not coping, ive never needed anyone so much in my life.

Suicide? but it’s not like that

TDOForms — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:33:40 +0000

after months of looking through career books etc today i really thought to myself. i dont care what i do with my future, like, i honestly thought to myself i would like to die i wouldnt care. but its not in a hysterical ‘my life is horrible, i see no life for myself’ its like a calm thing, just, i dont want to be alive anymore and i honestly thought about killing myself, im still thinking of it but i dont know about actions i think its more just the thought. i dont know how to explain it.
is this wrong?

please help

Unsure.

TDOForms — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 08:45:29 +0000

I met my current boyfriend about a year ago, and we became extremely good friends while he helped me through a difficult time with my ex boyfriend who hit me.
Whilst I feel quite pathetic writing about this, i don’t know what else to do.
We have been going out for 8 months, and in that time i have done some things i’m not proud of, and not treated him how i intended to.
I love him so much, more than anything and although people say ‘you’re just a teenager’, that’s not the way i feel.
He is my best friend and i really hurt him, and i can’t stop obsessing over the things i have done. Obviously the guilt got to me and i told him, and he still for some reason wants to be together.
I want to be with him more than anything but i can’t forgive myself and I feel sick all the time about the way i was.
I know it sounds stupid but it’s all i think about, and i can’t concentrate on other things and enjoy my life.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks

Tired and unsure.

TDOForms — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 08:44:29 +0000

My name is Jess and i’m writing about feelings that i have had for a while now. I find that i’m tired all the time no matter what i do. I also find that i’m happy one minute then i’m suddenly sad or angry. i’m also very paranoid. I often feel like someone is in the same room as me when really i’m alone. I don’t like having to feel this way. I tried asking people i know for help but they don’t listen. is there a way i can stop feeling like this? I don’t like talking to counselors as i feel scared my parents might find out.

Nine Minutes Past Midnight (And All I Can Think About Is You)

TDOForms — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:14:13 +0000

Hey guys, this is a poem i wrote last night while I was calming down from being suicidal. It’s about my “gf” and the situation we were (especially me) were in last night. And yeah, I wrote the “Leaking” story so if u want more of my background then its there for you. I would love any feedback on the poem because it means a hell of a lot to me.

Nine Minutes Past Midnight (And All I Can Think About Is You)

It’s nine minutes past midnight
An all I can think about is you
You say you feel horrible
Now, f***, I feel like it too

You’ve told me how he treats you
How he always lets you down
He lies to make you smile
And he tries to steal your crown

You’re crying in my shoulder
And you’re cringeing in pain
Meanwhile, it flows from my arm
This silent red rain

I try my best to help you
Because you mean so much to me
But, Babe, I’ve got no reception
Are you on “Channel Not-Meant-To-Be”?

Now I’m crying all alone
And I wonder, are you too?
This place is not a home
I’m lost, without a clue

I go searching for the answers
Are they found in your embrace?
Or will I find them in your eyes
When I see your perfect face?

It’s ten minutes past midnight
And all I can think about is you
I need you for years on end
So that minute just won’t do.

I love you Sarra xxx <3

Relationship

TDOForms — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:12:31 +0000

This story goes right back to 5 years ago, when I met a boy who I thought was the one, We started talking, got to know each other very well, I was only a teenager and so was he, but the difference was he had a son when I met him that was a couple years old. After giving him my heart and falling for him, he hurt me by going between me and his ex girlfriend (not the mother of his child).. but me being so in love with him I stuck around, he then chose me but after a couple of months he told me that the mum of his first child was pregnant again to him!! I still stood by, then after a while I could handle it anymore and I left, I changed phone numbers and completly blocked him out of my life .

After a year or so I let him back in, unfortuantly- He is back to his old ways and starting to treat me like crap. One day his nice and so loving the next he is horrible towards me. He won’t open up and talk to me about anything, I can hardly do anything without getting in to trouble.

Right now he is acting like his going to leave me, I am unsure as to what to do. I love him with all my heart and just want to be loved in return by him. I want him to show me that i mean somthing to him and that he doesnt want to lose me. Instead his just pushing me further by not speaking to me when he gets home, not telling me whats wrong, and not showing any affection.

Please someone can I please have some advice as to how to make things better with him?.. Is this normal in a relationship to have this many ups and downs?

wheres my joseph gone

TDOForms — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:11:10 +0000

I have a 17yr old son who has extreme violent rage attacks Attacks mother
> breaks things then cries says hee has no control
> depressed alot compulsive
> a gp prescribed an antidepressantg after i took my son in for depressive
> episodes and threats of suicide and murder the dr didnt seem to take it
> very seriously
> josephs other symptoms are obsessive thoughts in every thing ie his
> girlfriend stalks her if shes not around him
> panics if shes out of his sighht for too long
> says he doesnt trust her but he has to have her
> calls her offensive names
> pushes her around
> he says he cant be alone cos he cant stop his bad thoughts
> hes self absorbed, self centered, self opinionated, zero tolerance to
> everybody and thing} hates everyone no tolerance or patience
> racist, low self worth, its everyone elses fault that these things happen
> His violent outbursts,rage tantrums {literally on the floor} smashes up
> furniture ect, every door in our home is smashed
> Threatens to kill me , hios girlfriend and 13 yr old sister while were
> sl,eeping
> My daughter is afraid to sleep alone or with light off
> its affecting her life negatively
> she says to me she wishes he would just kill himself or die
> His lack of motivation has started smoking dope within last 6 months self
> medicating says it calms him down but if he hasnt got any he goes crazy
> This uncontrollable mood swings and rage is out of control and even he
> feels something terrible is going to happen pls how do get we get to see a
> psychiatrist urgently without having to wait for months or weeks or until
> he hurts us or himself
> PLs advise us
>
>

Lost, Confused, Alone

TDOForms — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:09:30 +0000

I’m sure everyone has felt the sadness that envelopes your heart, soul and mind with such pain and sorrow that you don’t know if it is all worth it in the end. I’m sitting here trying this telling you my story of how I spent the majority years of my life feeling like I was alone, no one understood me and that I was just an all around pathetic person.
I mean, every time I would try and talk to my mum and try and get her to understand me because our relationship is on its last legs, I swear, she just can’t see. I thought when you make the life commitment to be a mother you would be there for your child and love them unconditionally. But she was never the affectionate type. I’d be crying because something happened at school and she would just look at me and say “deal with it”. Not one comforting word. I mean we have had our goodtimes and I confess I was at my lowest point two years ago, when I was in year 10. I was down right depressed and felt like giving it all up constantly. I was harming, etc. The the school got involved and I got sent to a counsellors.
The thing is, I am still that ignored daughter that is a pain in the rear end and can’t even keep a best friend for more then a year. Every single person I come close to, I can never keep.
To me that’s like a curse because to me having no one who understands me and having no one to love me, to tell me that everything will be alright and hold me tight…leaves me alone. I can’t handle being alone where no one can see the tears roll down my eyes or the screames that no one happens to hear. I needed comfort, something that was so hard to get throughout my whole life. It didn’t make things better with her boyfriend coming into the picture. I deal with him because mum doesn’t want to end up alone and I know what that feels like. But I can’t stand it when they are so hypocritical and favour my sisters over me and it doean’t even feel like they care. I was shouted at for no reason, I don’t know what I do wrong if they told me instead of scream in my face it could have been better.
My grades dropped and I couldn’t focus because I didn’t see the point anymore.
Now here I am, in year 12…This stuff is still going on but i don’t care because when I finish school I am out of here, I am going to go to some place and start a new life, where I can be myself and not have to deal with any of this. I realise that my story may not be as bad as others but, from where I am, just telling this to you guys I feel amazing. Like some heavy weight has just lifted off my chest.
I saw a video of a boy the same age as me say some of his last words before he died just days later. But he said on it, “Do you believe in god and angels?…I do.” And that has stuck in my head since. He deserved to live but he is in good hands now. I only have one more year left, I can deal with this even though I will have my moments. I will do everything i can to not let anyone or anything bring me down because I was given the gift of life, a gift millions would have wished that could’ve had longer. I am not going to waste that because I am fortunate to just have life and one day I will find someone who will understand me and be my shoulder to cry on but today, right now…it’s just me tackling the obstacles that get thrown my way.
I am going to be the best, I am going to be great and I hope that you guys will too (because you can if you let youself take hope and belief). I am telling every single on of you guys who read this, that I am no longer going to be lost, confused or alone. NO, I am going to the top, I will create a new path insead of being lost and I will no longer be confused and instead of being alone, I was hoping we good do it together…

Tas

Anorexia?

TDOForms — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:26:32 +0000

I’ve been trying to get better for almost two years now and I just keep getting worse. I was diagnosed with depression in march 2010 I got given antidepressants and referred to a psychologist. Nothing improved. A few months later I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was put on a mood stabilizer and already on a different antidepressant, which made me go crazy. I always had a short and fairly bad temper but when I was on that it was out of control I would rage to the point where I didn’t know what I was doing throw things and scream once I kicked the wall and chipped the bone in my big toe I didn’t even notice the pain at the time I was so angry. I’m still not the same my temper is still terrible I snap at trivial things like if someone cuts me off in traffic I want to get out of the car and hit them, but I don’t I flip them off scream and swear at them out the window, I have never been violent but have wanted to and the only thing that stopped me is people have always backed down when I yell at them I honestly don’t care about being in trouble. I refused to keep taking the anti depressant in dec 2010 then my cousin killed himself in jan 2011 he was 23 it was horrible I still have trouble dealing with it. In march 2011 I went to a voluntary psych hospital because mum wanted me to (she didn’t force me) I was there for 5 weeks it was great while I was there but I didn’t feel ready to go, they discharged me anyway it didn’t help at all. I went to the psychiatrist they referred me diagnosed me with ADHD and gave me meds then late last year said I could have borderline personality disorder (BPD) though I haven’t been abused like alot of people with BPD and he referred me to a psychologist specialist for it I get my assessment results on saturday at next app but pretty much all the symptoms line up with me so I don’t have much doubt. I was doing DBT which was made to treat BPD in hospital and since I’ve been out but it hasnt helped I;ve tried about 20 different antidepressants nothing seems to work I self harm and sometimes have suicide thoughts but I know the pain when someone has done that so tempting as it is I won’t do it. I know I am loved but knowing and believing are very different for me. I think I may have an eating disorder but I feel stupid for saying that. I’d always been naturally thin about 45kg (I’m only 158cm tall)It started before I went to the doctors in 2010 I’d had my first breakup and wasn’t coping so I stopped eating except dinner I got down to about 40kg in 2 months then I got my current boyfriend (march 2010) and it just went away. The mood stabilizer also made me put on about 7kg but I hardly noticed the ED wasn’t hassling me at this time. Then when I left the hospital I weighed about 51kg (they weighed us weekly) I could hardly fit into my size 8 clothes and before meds I was usually a 6 so it started again about august 2011. Now I am 41kg and I feel so fat the voice in my head never leaves me alone it’s things like ‘you ate like a pig’, ‘don’t eat that too many kjs’, ‘do you know how much FAT that has in it?’ I’ve tried to tell the psychologist but I can’t every time I get scared I don’t know why. last time she asked if I lost weight I just said I don’t know maybe. I’m so confused I feel too fat to be anorexic so I doubt myself. My depression is the worst its ever been I don’t know what to do anymore.

I Try To Help And What Do I Get?

TDOForms — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:17:49 +0000

i had this friend, she meant everything to to me, she was like my sister.

one day she was really down and i tried to help her by being there for her. but then i saw that she had self harmed. i suggested that she go to a phyc to get help, and that’s where it went all down hill.

She started to send me abusive messages and accusing me of spreading rumors about her when i never did such thing.
i only tried to help her and she completely ignored me.

thats the part that got to me,
my uncle aged 41 recently died of brain cancer and that was a big shock for me, but my friend, that was always there for me, wasn’t.

i went into a very depressive state and i am still there currently.

i tried to contact my friend but all i got was more abuse.

ive reached my limit of how much more i can take,

this is my final call for help,

Chris