Fact sheet 20

Bullying

Download Fact sheet 20: Bullying

Bullying is many different things. Anyone can be bullied – it’s a lot more common than people think and can happen at school, at home, on the sporting field or at work. If you are being bullied, it’s important to remember that you are not to blame or responsible for someone picking on you, and that there are steps you can take to solve the problem.

What is bullying?

Bullying isn’t a one-off incident – a friend being in a bad mood one day, calling you names and then apologising later. It’s when name-calling or threats go on for some time that it becomes bullying.

People are often bullied because they are seen as being ‘different’ – often because of the way they look, or the clothes they wear or even the way they behave. In reality, just about anything can be used as a reason for bullying.

There are many ways that someone can be bullied. Verbal bullying includes name calling or put downs, threats, teasing, including sexual harassment and innuendo (this can also be done through email or sms). Physical bullying includes being punched, tripped, kicked or having your belongings stolen or damaged. It might also include sexual abuse. Social bullying, where you are left out, ignored or have rumours spread about you, is also very common. Psychological bullying is often less obvious or direct than other forms of bullying. You might be given dirty looks or stalked, or made to feel intimidated or manipulated. Cyberbullying is a form of bullying which is carried out through an internet service such as email, chat room, discussion group, online social networking, instant messaging or web pages. It can also include bullying through mobile phone technologies such as SMS.

Being bullied can lead to stress, intimidation and even physical injury. People who are bullied often feel that they are all alone and think there is nothing they can do to solve the problem. Ongoing bullying is of great concern. It can lower a person’s self-esteem and lead to feelings of sadness, depression, anger and confusion. If you are being bullied it is vital to keep reminding yourself that it’s not your fault and that there is something you can do about the problem. The best place to start is to talk to people you trust – friends, family and teachers – about what is happening to you and to discuss with them some ways of dealing with the problem.

Taking action against bullying

There are many different things you might be able to do if you are being bullied. Depending on how bad the bullying is (and as long as you aren’t feeling unsafe or physically threatened), you might decide to try and work it out yourself first. Here are some tips that may be helpful, especially for verbal bullying.

Ignore the bully (including mobile phone or email bullying) – Bullies are looking for a reaction and often lose interest if they don’t get one.
Stay with others – Stick to areas where you feel safe and hang out with people you trust. Bullies won’t normally pick on you as much when there are other people around.
Stay positive and be confident – Try to think of all the things you do well. Bullies usually pick on people that they think are weaker than they are, so it may help if you stand up to them.
Keep out of their way – It might be possible for you to avoid the bully, for example by travelling a different way to school, or avoiding the places that they hang out.
Don’t reply to bullying messages – It’ll only get worse if you do. By replying the bully gets what he or she wants. Often if you don’t reply the bully will leave you alone.
Ask for help – If the bullying doesn’t stop you might find it helpful to ask someone else for advice. You should also report it to someone in charge – either at school or at work.

Why do people bully others?

A bully can be an individual, or a group of people. It can either be someone your own age or older, including friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend, brother or sister, or an extended family member. A bully can also be an older person, or someone in a position of power such as a teacher, parent or boss.

Often a bully has low self-esteem and may even have been bullied in the past themselves. They may use bullying as a way of making themselves feel more powerful. Bullies can be motivated by jealousy and some bullies do not understand the amount of hurt they are causing. If you are being bullied, it may help to remember that bullies are often not as tough as they make out.

Getting help

Try and remember that no matter how hard you try, the bully might not be willing to change their behaviour. This is when talking to someone else can be really helpful. This may seem scary at first, however, telling someone can lighten your load and help you to work out how to solve the problem and stop being bullied. Talking to someone is particularly important if you feel unsafe or frightened, or if you don’t have many friends. Asking for help or talking to someone about it is not being weak or ‘giving in’. In fact it can take a lot of strength and courage.

While it might seem like ‘dobbing’, it’s important to tell someone in charge about what is happening. School authorities want to know about bullying so they can take action and try to stop bullying across the school.

There are many people who can support you, including friends, older brothers and sisters, teachers, family, counsellors or parents. Teachers and counsellors are specially trained and it’s their job to help.

Whoever you talk to, it should be someone you know well and trust; they will give you much-needed support and will often have suggestions you hadn’t considered for dealing with the situation. If you are seeing a counsellor and feel you might get too nervous to speak, write down what you’d like to say on paper or in an email. You might feel more comfortable taking a friend with you.

Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t know and that’s where services like Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) and Lifeline (13 11 14) are useful.

Key points to remember

Everyone has the right to live, work, study and play in an environment free from bullying, harassment, discrimination and violence. No one deserves or asks to be bullied.
Dealing with the feelings that come from being bullied can be hard and seeking help is one way to help you to overcome them. By identifying these feelings you may be able to find ways to get bullying to stop.
Avoiding or ignoring a bully, reporting bullying, or asking for help, is not giving in to bullying, but about looking after yourself and making sure you are happier and more comfortable.
If you don’t feel as if you are believed or taken seriously, or if no action is taken, it doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid or the bullying should continue. It’s important you tell someone else and continueto doso until you are helped.

More information and support

Phone help lines and websites

Sources

beyondblue – www.youthbeyondblue.com
ReachOut.com – www.reachout.com (see fact sheet on cyberbullying)