well, i’m not really sure where to start,so i guess i’ll just start off here. when i was 2 and half my parents spilt up, my mum walked out on me and my two older brothers, because of another man, a man who had never cared much about her, i don’t hate her for walking out, i really don’t, she made that mistake up to me and she is by far the most beautiful and strongest person i know.
things got rough one year,i was about 3, maybe 4 dad went away with his then girlfriend,i stayed with mum, so did my brothers, i remember the devastion that was on my dad face when was got back to his place after he had picked us up, everything for christmas was gone, the things dad had spent so long buying, saving for, gone. my life went haywire one morning, when mum took us kids away from dad, dad was moving to queensland and was taking us kids with him or so he had thought he would be, mum filed for a custody battle, dad didn’t fight, he didn’t want to put us young kids through that, he loved us more than anything in the world, he was my hero. dad moved with his girlfriend, i loved her like a mum, i didn’t see dad for 2 years after that. i stayed strong, i knew i would see him again. mum had many boyfriends, they didn’t stick around long enough for us kids to get to know them, they all left her. one year, this was the year, mum, found someone. i was happy for her, i was 8, i remember it was my birthday and we had a party for my birthday. his sons were like my own brothers, i loved them dearly. later that year, everything went wrong, that year was the start of my 4 long years of sexually abuse by my step brother, i remember it so clearly, it was so bad, i was scared of myself, of him mostly, of going home, i was afraid. i’m not going to go into details, because even as i write this the tears are falling down my face. i will only tell you, those 4 years, have destoryed my whole entire life. i was 12 when mum and graeme spilt up, mum was destoryed, i hated seeing her like that. 2 years later, i told someone, i told my mum, after 6 years of keeping it to myself, of crying everynight, i let it all out to my mum. i thought it was over, until my school found out, they put me through docs, i had interviews and everything, but the worst bit, even to this day 9 years since it started happening, i still haven’t had justice.
i guess, the depression is what’s really killing me, 4 mental illness are destorying me infact, i would never pick this life for anyone, i hate seeing the self harm that young girls do to themselve, even though, i do the same everynight.the mental ward was the only place that understood me, some days i wish i was still there. but most days i still wish i was dead.
July 18, 2012