I was told by a doctor that I have depression and anxiety. Honestly, it isnt a shock to me. Since late year seven I’ve had this constant feeling of sadness and anger and I’ve also been self harming since then. To start of with I did it because I was angry and wanted to hurt someone, but everyone else would tell other peple and I would get in trouble, so I would hurt myself.
I’m now in year ten and nothing has gotten better, its all just declined. I cant focus at school, I cry in class over the smallest of things, I yell at my teachers and friends and get in trouble all the time. I’m quite smart and I’m capable of good grades, and I want good grades but I just can’t do the work. I get my books out, go to do the work and just stare at the page until I am sobbing because I cant do it. I’ve been to see a psychologist, it didnt do anything. My self harm is more of an addiction now, I black out and have an out of body experience, I see myself doing it, I try to stop it but I’m powerless. That makes me scared because I don’t know if one day, I’ll go too far. I think I need a psychiatrist but I just don’t have that kind of money. So alas, I am trapped in the prison called my mind.
May 20, 2012