My story
Why is everything so messed up?
I was told by a doctor that I have depression and anxiety. Honestly, it isnt a shock to me. Since late year seven I’ve had this constant feeling of sadness and anger and I’ve also been self harming since then. To start of with I did it because I was angry and wanted to hurt someone, but everyone else would tell other peple and I would get in trouble, so I would hurt myself.
I’m now in year ten and nothing has gotten better, its all just declined. I cant focus at school, I cry in class over the smallest of things, I yell at my teachers and friends and get in trouble all the time. I’m quite smart and I’m capable of good grades, and I want good grades but I just can’t do the work. I get my books out, go to do the work and just stare at the page until I am sobbing because I cant do it. I’ve been to see a psychologist, it didnt do anything. My self harm is more of an addiction now, I black out and have an out of body experience, I see myself doing it, I try to stop it but I’m powerless. That makes me scared because I don’t know if one day, I’ll go too far. I think I need a psychiatrist but I just don’t have that kind of money. So alas, I am trapped in the prison called my mind.
Brianne
May 20, 2012
Replies
I have tried for so long to stop hurting myself but unfortunately, I did it again last night. the whole time whilst doing it I kept on telling myself “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.” but it happened anyway. I need help and I know it. Nobody actually understands how I feel and what I’m going through so they may say “yes I understand” and “oh thats so terrible.” but they have no idea what-so-ever. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore but it’s so hard to stop!
please help.
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Hi there Brianne,
Sorry to hear that things have been difficult for you. It’s fantastic that you have been linked into a psychologist though.
You mentioned that you didn’t think that they were helpful though which is a shame. But, often it can take time to develop a good working relationship with a psychologist or you may find that you need to try more than one psychologist before you get one that is right for you.
If you go to a headspace centre there are psychologists and psychiatrists that are trained in working with young people. These professionals can also bulkbill which means that it is free.
Don’t give up on psychologists and psychiatrists they can help,
keep in touch Youth Beyondblue Team