My story
My story - straight up.
I don’t know how to describe it.
It’s like I’m looking at myself from the outside, and I’m all numb inside.
I used to love playing soccer - now I can’t without actually feeling tears, and being afraid I’ll screw up or something. I feel like I absolutely suck at it, and I don’t know why I was even picked for the team. The coach doesn’t act like she knows either.
I don’t want to talk about this to some-one without being anonymous. I don’t want to be treated like a crazy person or something, but I wanted to share this.
My close friend has depression. She’s being treated, but I want to help her more. She keeps pushing me away - says she has a support team. It makes me feel unwanted and unneeded and that is so urghh! It sucks!
I can feel anger and fear and sad, but nothing else. I laugh but it’s not real. I’m wearing a mask, and I feel like if I get close to anyone they’ll see right through to who I am and I don’t want that! I don’t want to be known as the weird, stupidly dramatic girl! I want to live life to the full, and enjoy everything, and get good grades and have heaps of friends! I don’t want to be constantly unable to concentrate and always getting angry at myself!
I’m not an extreme case, and I don’t really know why I’m posting. I should be grateful for what I do have, but I just can’t. It’s like it’s all too hard and I just don’t have the strength.
So that’s my story - straight up. I’m sorry if you judge, I’m sorry if you hate. It’s just my truth.
Laura
May 17, 2012
Replies
you will be ok
No one can hate you being honest, just don’t let it bottle up inside. I have and almost destroyed myself doing so. Talk to someone and they will understand.
Thanks guys. I’m really feeling strange today - got a math test due on Monday, and I don’t get anything. But feeling upset is better than nothing, right?
Hi Laura, as a uni student, i also often have to do study when i least feel like it - when i feel exhausted, anxious, angry, sad; all the fun stuff. I find it really helps to go for a walk, listen to some calming music and have a big pot of nice strawberry tea.
I have the following taped to my wall, it helps me to deal with my negative feelings sometimes, i hope it’s helpful to you:
“When things go wrong
as they sometimes will;
When the road you’re
trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low,
and the debts are high,
And you want to smile
But have to sigh; When
care is pressing you
down a bit- Rest if you
must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned
inside out; The silver tint
of the clouds of doubt;
And how you can tell
how close you are, It may
be near,when it seems
so far; So stick to the
fight when you’re hardest
hit- It’s when things go
wrong that you must
not quit.”
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i feel the same way you do, just remember that you are never alone, i hope thast you feel better and talk to someone who can help, no stories are too small or pointless