Hi everyone, I’m Jack and I’m currently in my last year of high school and the stress is overwhelming me. I cannot get anything done, i’m losing sleep over it and feeling guilty which makes me annoyed at myself because I think I should be doing more!
To make things that little bit more interesting I’m gay, and have came out to my family. I’m not sure if they accept me for being who I am and I try not to bring anything up about my sexuality because it embarrasses me. I hardly know any same-sex attracted teenagers which makes me frustrated as I cannot connect with other people who are like me. I’m out to everyone at school and am mostly alone with no friends.
All I seem to do is work, work, work because I have no choice. I want to do well!
I’m worried that this stress, coupled with lack of sleep and anxiety will push me back into a depressive mood. 2 weeks ago I was depressed, and self harmed for the first time. I’m currently ‘at the cross roads’.. not knowing if its the right thing as it relieves my isolation and stress, or a bad thing, as I think to myself ‘What have I done to myself?’
I have thought about suicide in the past and thought about making a feeble suicide attempt but I’m too scared of death. I don’t think I have the guts to commit to carrying it out…
What a rocky road it has been so far.. I’m sure it will get better but at the same time i’m uncertain
May 10, 2012