Hi Irene,

Thank you so much for sharing- I’m so sorry that you feel ashamed, you’re not alone hey! I’m 21, dropped out of uni and have an anxiety disorder. I know that it is a little different to what you’re going through but I really struggled with self esteem issues because of my panic attacks. I have a boyfriend of 2 years and was so ashamed at who I’ve become because it was nothing like who I was when we met. He has been so supportive and I feel like the biggest inconvenience since i’ve become ‘higher maintenance’. My list of insecurities became longer and I felt so inadequate for him. My counsellor helped me distinguish between the Anxiety and the fact that I still am who I was before it took over my life. Understanding my condition really helped improve my self perception.

I’m not sure where you’re from and I’m assuming this website is international??? I’m from NSW Australia and if you happen to be from the same area, did you you know there is a Government initiative for psychology sessions? I went and saw my doctor just over a year ago when I started having Panic Attacks. They were so horrific and scary and I didn’t know what to do because I so desperately wanted help but knew how much Clinical Psychologists cost. My doctor examined and did tests with me and it turned out I qualified for a type of financial assistance under medicare.

The financial assistance i received through medicare doesn’t cover all the costs what so ever, and I personally had to make a few sacrifices to afford the sessions. But now that I’ve gone through a good 6 months of them, I don’t think I can put a price on the difference they’ve made on my life. Search for a psychologist who is right for you! Thats what my doctor told me, and I was so lucky that the right one happened to be the first one that I booked in to see. I really hope that you find the help you’re looking for.

Hi Irene,

I’m glad you reached out, good for you. It does help to get it off your chest and realize you are not alone, and that people do care and will try to help you. You know, you can talk to the YBB Helpline people: http://www.youthbeyondblue.com/get-help/

You can also take their guidance on finding another counselor and navigating the medical system in getting pay assistance etc. with the appointments. I would suggest you do this, give it a try.

It is great you have a good boyfriend, you are obviously deserving of him if he is sticking around. You should give yourself a break, and give yourself more credit. I’m sure you are a wonderful, loyal girlfriend to him are you not? If yes, then you should certainly go easier on yourself.

Parents have a hard time with these emotional issues quite often, either they don’t understand or want to believe that it is not affecting their kids and live in denial of it. Either way, it does not mean you have to suffer through it, or should suffer through it. Perhaps if you pro-actively make continued efforts at making the counseling work, you can get them onside here?

We should also balance the mental and physical when we are suffering depression. What I mean by this is the two are completely linked, negative mental = negative physical/vice versa. Likewise positive. So, we can manage the physical by ensuring we eat well and healthy, exercise, breathe properly, learn to relax, laugh loud and often, get out and about in the sunshine, smile. This can and will change the way we feel. Ensure our body language is always happy, and the mental will come around.

When we get traction mentally, we should maintain this by ensuring we are vigilantly monitoring our negative thoughts, challenging them, not judging them or ourselves, ensuring that the quite “observer” in us is at the helm, not our negative thinking mind. The two are quite distinctly separate. Do an internet search on ‘mindfulness’ if youd like more info.

Come back and chat anytime Irene, I hope this helps. Know that there is a real and true way out of this situation, but it will take continued vigilance and effort, as well as trial and error. You have the courage, you can do it. I wish you well.

Steve

Thanks for your post Mia,

The Beyond Blue websites are Australian. Your comments about getting financial support for mental health treatment are very helpful. All you need to do to access the Federal government’s ‘Better Access to Mental Health’ initiative is visit a GP who can assist by completing a mental health care plan and referring you on to an appropriate health care professional.

Youth Beyondblue Team

Hi Steve and Mia,

Thanks so much for your replies, it means a lot to me, and thank you very much for your advice.

Thanks Mia for sharing your story, it’s nice to know there’s someone out there in similar situations who’s getting through it
Can I ask? How do you manage if/when your boyfriend is going through a tough time and you’re in a bad place too? I’ve had situations where my boyfriend’s had a tough day and just needs a shoulder to lean on, but I was in such a bad place myself I couldn’t do anything to help. All I could do was panic quietly in my house in front of a computer while he sat in front of his computer hundreds of meters away at his house… I couldn’t even muster up a couple of comforting words because I was in such a crappy emotional/mental state… It makes me feel so horrible that I can’t seem to help out, and all I can do is take the help…

I’ve noticed I’ve started getting Panic Attacks too lately… My depression has gotten so bad that I can’t seem to get through any of my uni work. I’m usually alright with organisation and whatnot, I may leave things a little late, but this semester… It’s literally hell. This semester (and currently), I’ve left 2 essays till the very last minute and I completely forgot about a lab report, all of them conveniently due within the space of a week… I forget dates and read things wrong, remember things wrong… It’s like I don’t have my head screwed on at all! I have no idea what to do with myself… Right now I should be doing essay-work but I can’t because my head has switched on some kind of white-noise thing and all I get is blank buzzing, I get headaches and nausea… Yesterday I wore myself out so much and got so stressed out I had to go to bed early and my mum had to put a bucket next to my bed since I felt like I needed to throw up constantly… I don’t know how it got so bad… People say to take a break and take a breather but I can’t :S Because it makes me think about how much time I’m wasting trying to meditate when I should be typing up a 3000 word essay!

I’m dragging my sorry carcass to the GP at uni tomorrow to see if I can get some help immediately… To be completely honest, I’m terrified of doctors… I’ve never felt comfortable opening up to some complete stranger and telling them all my problems face to face.
Whatever’s going to help though I suppose…

Can someone give me some advice on how to cope with the panic attacks?

Thank you.. so much

Good on you Irene! How did your Doctor Visit go?

I hate visiting doctors and have actually been to see 3 different ones within the one day before. The reason why I had to do this, came down to each individual Doctors’ personal perspective on Mental Health. It’s so obvious Some Doctors clearly haven’t experienced any type of Mental Health issues themselves and clearly haven’t had someone close to them suffer. I actually wonder if they even attended the lectures on Mental Health when they were at Uni.

The first doctor I saw that day was so insulting, I walked out of that Doctors surgery and had the biggest breakdown. Mental Health is not black and white like a physical injury- like a broken bone which is either broken or not. There is so much grey in Depression and Anxiety and that’s why I researched a GP who was reknown for being interested in assisting Mental Health Sufferers. He even went as far as Bulk Billing all Patients who’s visits were related to depression/anxiety/bipolar etc.

Most of my Panic Attacks have triggers which my psychologist helped me identify. At the start, 80percent of my Panic Attacks happen late at night and Stressful days are something that makes me so much more susceptible to waking up in the thick of a Panic Attack that night. I use to wake up in the middle of the night when all my usual physical symptoms had taken over (Pounding Heart, uncontrollable shaking, sweating, tight chest and throat,and then hyperventilating) I feel so cheated when this happens because it’s at the height and takes so much longer to get through them.

I have learned to control my Attacks while conscious/ awake and they never get to the hyperventilating stage when I’m awake because I’ve learnt how to stop them from esculating to that stage with Breathing exercises.

Don’t be scared of Panic Attacks. My earlier attacks lasted around for the longest 40mins eva- it was horrible because I just wanted them to be over. Once I started to become less scared of Panic Attacks they started lasting only 10-15mins. A psychologist will be able to give you exercises and mind games to practice and use when in Panic.

Some things that help me when feeling really anxious are
- focusing on my slow breathing & counting
- making a green tea to drink
- drinking warm milk (No Caffine- it makes it worse!)
- getting fresh air outside
- doing stretches on the floor
- I watch the clock because I know the average time of my Panic Attacks & it helps me realise that the feelings Will Pass even though its hard to remember that in the moment.

When I’m beyond Anxious & Panic is taking over
- Breathing big and Slowly
- Having someone sit with me & hold my hand or rub my back
- telling myself that i am medically ok and that my brain is playing games and that my brain is the reason for my physical symptoms. (I got medically tested for heart conditions that can sometimes be mistaken for anxiety) So knowing this reminds me that Panic Attacks are Temporary & that I’m not going to Die.
- I have medication that i only take when in a really bad Panic Attack & sometimes just holding it knowing i can take it if i need to helps

I know that everyone’s symptoms and triggers are different but I hope I’ve given you some ideas of the types of things that can help you.

P.S.
I am so fortunate that My Boyfriend is incredibly stable & that he rarely has moments of insanity half as bad as mine. But I believe you’ve gotta help yourself before you can be there for someone else. There are times to be selfish and I think that the space you are in at the moment is calling for it. We can only do what we can do, and at the end of the day, you’ve got to put time aside for yourself and forget about all the other things you could or should be doing. Find a constructive outlet (facebook is Not constructive lol) I like to- listen to music, guided meditation, write crappy poetry (no one knows this though haha), go for a walk, lie on your bed stare at the ceiling. When I am in a state where I cannot be there for my Boyfriend- everything gets put on hold & I take the time out even if its only 20mins that I can afford, usually 20mins is enough. Uni makes things tough though- maybe get a doctors certificate to get some extensions on essays? just to buy some time to sort this stuff out in your head cause then you’ll be able to focus better.

PPS.
Do what Steve said- google “Mindfulness” its a fantastic concept that has really helped me.

(I’m sorry- I didn’t realise how much I’d written untill After I pressed Reply I would have shortened it by Alot!)

Awesome advice above, Mia you really go into some intense and invaluable detail about your experiences. I concur with everything you’ve said.

Irene, taking a break and breather is really necessary right now. If you feel you are breaking down, then it really is one of the only ways to recover. You are not much good writing a 3,000 word essay if you can’t get your thoughts together, or don’t even have the energy to think straight. Your essays will be so, so much better once your body and mind have rested.

When this “pull” of “I should be doing this/that/the other” takes over, just observe this thought. Observe the feeling. Allow it to come, it will eventually go. Just let it be and be the observer of it. Then, slowly focus on your breath. As the anxiety that tells you “if you don’t do this/that now, you are going to be a failure” comes over you, just let the feeling be. Don’t judge it. Don’t act on it. In time, you will weaken this faulty thinking habit, and see that it was your constant thinking and constant anxiety that was holding you back, NOT driving you forward, all of this time. ONly a calm mind and body can get ultimate results.

Give some time to yourself, take some real time out if you need it. You are young, you can always re-engage in studies and other activities as you recover. I wish you well.

Steve