Im 23 and have had anxiety and depression for about a year, but its gettibg worse. It used to be just a social phobia where id find excuses to go to dinners and parties with friends but now it’s effecting my life and my relationships. There was a point where id only go to clubs etc with friends where there was an “escape route” if i felt anxious, and i often got into drugs and alcohol to cope.I live with my bf of 18months…yes it was quick but it felt right at the time. Iv lost most of my friends from the avoidance behavior I have, they stopped talking to me.
My bf has been very supportive up until recently as he gets frustrated. He has a lot of friends and they’re always asking him to do things, before I’d always have an excuse why I couldn’t come. More recently iv been trying to make an effort to do things with him and his friends as we’d had a discussion about how he hated “making up excuses for me not being there”. The anxiety attacks have gotten worse now. There was one time when we went to a beach party and I needed to go for a walk and have a few mins to calm down. My bf started yelling at me as he was clearly frustrated and we ended up havibg a massive fight that went on all afternoon, it nearly ruined us.
We went to a festival with his friends recently and the same thing happened.. I started having an anxirty attack on the bus and needed a few mins. We ended up losing his friends and he started saying he hates having to “baby” me all the time. He said I ruined th day for him and he never wants to go to a music festival again with me and doesn’t want me to come out with his friends again. He kicked me out of the apartment that night, I have since moved back but I’m so unsure about what’s right in this situation. I’m so hurt by everything he said to me and I hate not being able to do stuff with him, his friends are so important to him.. I don’t wanna be left at home alone every weekend…
I have seen a psychologist before which helped a little but I didn’t see any significant improvement. I recently went back to the doctor and explained how I was getting worse and it’s ruining my relationship and effecting work. I was prescribed some long term antidepressants that should take effect in 2 weeks and some anti-anxiety medication.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m hurting so much inside and can’t stop crying.. I just wish things were back to how they were before…I don’t want to be like this anymore
March 12, 2012