Hey David
Mate what you are going thru with these women is an old replay with mum…very early stuff.
The self harm is about your rage at these women getting turned back on yourself.You have to to talk to a therapist to understand better how angry you are.
Bottom line is you have not been seen, mirrored and understood by your mum from an early age.She was meant to take these difficult feelings away for you but alas she couldnt.So now you are stuck with them and they tend to come out around these women who in the end offer you little.

You of course want these women to get you to understand you and you are hanging off them like a little boy waiting for something to come your way…just like you did when you were much younger with mum.You have to see this….you are hoping that something will come your way that will help validate you and hence you give them all of your power to just get a small acknowledgement.Part of you on some level has also got to feel sad and even chaotic.You never were contained in a way that you needed David.Hence what containment you did get tends to get fractured easily with these women around abandoning you.
Can you start to see the pattern of why you select these ‘unavailable” women ?….they are really not there for you in the way you need. They are the wrong women for you. The trouble is you are seeing them at first in such a positive light that you cant see their other sides until you are well into the “relationship” you have split off these not so good parts in these women in order to keep the not so pleasant feelings at bay. this again is an old replay with mum. So David you are dealing with old stuff mate.
In fact what happens when you first meet these women is you would tend to fuse with them, lose your identity with them and when it comes time to pull back from them because you dont like what you are seeing then it all tends to get difficult due to seperation anxieties coming to the fore.

The good news is you can learn to understand yourself a lot better and learn to make better conscious choices.Mate best you talk to a therapist who understand what im talking about.

Remember sometimes all we have is breath….dont identify with these difficult feelings coming up, they are not you just a part of you. Also dont go up into the head and think of ways to get rid of these difficult feelings…thats when ideas start to pop in of killing oneself…its all a trick David.

hang in there mate..

All the best

john

Hey Dave,

Sorry mate for the delayed reply - no internet where i was but am back in OZ now so all good.

YBB have erased the last few posts, so I’m not entirely sure what’s going on - but if I had to guess judging by John’s last post, I’d say that you’re feeling depressed because Sarra still hasn’t left her boyfriend yet. I will respond on the assumption that this is true.

Mate I completely agree with John when he says that you need to see a therapist to get to the bottom of why these issues make you suicidal/want to self harm. Love is a beautiful thing but it’s also very difficult - like I’ve said before, if you don’t sort these issues out, I feel that you’re going to battle depression for the rest of your life. You’ve got to sort this stuff out, mate. Immediately. It’s the only way to get better and free yourself from this misery. John has offered the suggestion that perhaps your depression with women stems from your relationship with your mother. Perhaps there’s some truth to this. I’m not a psychologist so I don’t want to offer any type of professional opinion but once you start getting help you’ll be able to get to the root of your depression and beat it for good.

In terms of Sarra - if you want my honest opinion - I think you should chuck her. I know it’ll be tough, but I think it’s in your best interest. I don’t think she’s good enough for you. Firstly, I don’t think she’s trustworthy. She cyberfucked you while she was in a relationship with another guy - say you were to go out with her, do you think she’d be faithful? She’s cheated once already, what’s to say she won’t do it again? If it was me, I wouldn’t be able to trust her. Secondly, she’s proven herself to be very weak by not breaking up with her boyfriend if she really has true feelings for you. She’s either to weak to break it off with him or she’s just stringing you along - trying to have her cake and eat it too. Either way, it’s not a good scene. You deserve better. You’re a good guy, David - you deserve to be with a girl who will love you unconditionally and be entirely faithful to you. In my opinion you’re too good for Sarra. I know there’s a girl out there for you mate, but I really, really don’t think she’s the one. Just some guy-to-guy advice.

Mate keep hanging in there. Will always be here if you need to talk.

Your mate,
Dan

Hey guys, well, John let me start with my response to you:

Sorry to tell you John but I don’t think you have it quite right, but thank you for your opinions and advice. I really dont think the self-harm is about my anger with these women. it started well before any of them came into the equation and i havent done it since about June/July last year. Which was around when these kinds of problems really began to arise. But i do agree with you, when you say I’ve never been able to “have” my anger with my mum. i think that does store anger inside me, BUT ONLY WITH MY MUM. although you said that when i was younger, i would “hang off” my mum waiting for something to come my way - i dont think this is true. ive never really wanted anything from her, other than her treating me fairly. but i can see what you mean in me hanging off these women.

my reasoning behind this is that, well im a persistent little bastard. when i find something that gives me happiness, like these girls, i try to hang in there even if it causes me so much pain, so that in the end i might get the gold. i guess a VERY simple way of explaining it it like walking through a mine field with scattered $100 notes and a big treasure chest on the other side. along the way, i may get hit a few times, but i do find some small rewards, but at the end, if i can make it, theres the jackpot. so in a way, i am, like you said, “giving them all my power, for such small acknowledgement” but there is the possible prize at the end which you didnt mention.

to be honest, im not quite sure what you we’re talking about with the “containment” bit. you might have to re-explain that for me, if you like

i dont think im choosing these “unavailable” women as part of a pattern. i think its just pure coincidence to be quite honest. but i do agree a little with you saying that i dont see them in their “full light” at first. i do idolise them a little… i think your “fusion” idea is spot on accurate though. that sounds so right. i do lose my identity a bit at first… and at the end i do see the bad things more… so thanks for you post John and i will take into consideration what you have said. sorry for my reply being so long.

Now, Dan :)haha. Great to hear you’re back in Australia!
and yes, i was feeling very depressed earlier about something but its not something Sarra caused, just me coming to the realisation that im so easily affected by the “twists and turns” of these girls, especially Sarra.

i actually had another psych appointment yesterday and we did talk a lot about these “issues” causing me great grief. im seeing it in a very different way and im much more accepting of it. i dont think they will affect me as much as they used to anymore to be honest, im willing to take the risk of this backfiring on me by putting so much trust in her. i know you’re going to say otherwise, but i think our relationship is different to her others…

However, Dan, Im sorry to say but NO!!! i will not “chuck” Sarra. I think we’re moving much closer to the end of this “saga” and i can see it coming out my way. she really wants to end her relationship with her bf and well i know this is a little unrelated, LOL, but we did DO IT over the net again last night. haha. we both enjoyed each other so much. BUT, Dan i completely see where you are coming from, yeah, maybe she’s not entirely trustworthy… or maybe she just never found the right guy before.

Also, Dan, we cant all be incredibly mentally strong. I know a lot of people have trouble ending relationships and it can become a real problem for them. Sarra’s reasoning behind finding it hard is that she doesnt want to hurt him and i truly believe this. she is such a caring person and she puts others before herself. so i dont think this makes her mentally weak, but rather, very compassionate. and i really dont think she is stringing me along either. shes not that kind of person. i know this is gonna sound kinda dumb, but i dont think she wants a lot of cake. haha. she really isnt all that into the “cake” side of things.

okay, maybe i do deserve better than Sarra, and maybe i dont, (in my opinion i dont, because i know i have my faults too), but to be honest, i dont really care. I conceed that Sarra isn’t perfect, but who is? She is so much of what i’ve always wanted and im willing to let her few faults pass. we all make mistakes and i know she regrets them so i cant see it happening again, i think she has learnt better now and you know what? i think she IS the one. she makes me so happy i can’t even begin to explain it.

so yeah, thats my piece for the day. i really look forward to seeing both of your responses as this is a very big “topic” for me.

ps: if my bit to you Dan, sounds weird it’s because somehow 2 paragraphs of it like deleted itself and scrambled stuff around so i had to try and remember as much of it as possible to re-write it. lol. anyway, thanks sooo much guys. bye

well…. after all of that being sad… Sarra and i are over… we’re never talking to each other again. she decided to end it with my which i agreed with when i was actually close to doing the same. thingss were all ok i guess. i was standing strong and then she got nasty…. i asked her if it was ok if i told amber about us breaking up then she said, “well why, not? you’ve told the whole world” (refering to me talking about our relationship on here) so she accused me of spreading her private life every so i said, “well, isnt what we did together just as much mine as yours?” she didnt like that… then (i previously had showed her your last comment Dan) she said i had obviously been calling her a bitch on here, because you guys “thought so”, which we all know is not true. i just asked her to stop saying it because it wasnt true and it was hurting me having her say it. but she just didnt believe me. so i copied my last reply to her and all she had to say was, “oh, well i cant be nice all the time”….. so from then i decided, no. thats it! we (somehow after the argument) wished each other the best and “happily” left. we have now deleted each other from all methods of our contact… my reason for deciding to end everything was (and i told her this), how could we go on when she couldnt even trust the one person who had never done a thing wrong by her… anyway, thats it now… i dont know what im going to do anymore… i had been thinking i was gonna turn my life around before she started the argument… now that i can see it - she had one hell of a cruel temper… well i could always see it, its just she didnt use it against me much earlier… this time i got the full extent…

bye guys, we’ll see how things go from here :’(

And now, after I’ve gone to bed, I’ve realized another 4 ways in which we have contacted each other and I still can…. It’s reminding me more of how much I’ve just lost. There’s more I want to say to her… But I can’t say it now. I will look weak and foolish. She really needs to read the lyrics so Scars by Papa Roach to get a good jist of how I feel… They’re pretty bloody accurate for me.

I just threw out all the poems I wrote for her and ones I was working on… At the end of one I wrote, I Love u Sarra xox. It made me burst into tears when I read it…

Hey Dave,

Sorry to hear that everything ended, man. It’s tough when these things happen but like I said in my previous post, I think in the long run you’re better off without her.

I’d like to latch onto a point that John made, that you seem to idolise these women. I’m going to have to agree mate, I think you were really idolising Sarra. To both John and I she had very obvious flaws - being with both you and her boyfriend being the most obvious one and not being able to make a choice. I think you saying that she didn’t want to end it because she is such a “compassionate person” is idolising her greatly and not looking at the full picture. Think about it this way - how much did it hurt YOU that she hadn’t ended it with him? A shitload - you admitted this yourself. What did she do about this pain that she was causing you? Does that sound like she was being compassionate to you? Of course not. I still think she was just being weak - putting off doing something she knew she had to do (make a choice between the two of you). And mate - she’s definitely not trustworthy. She cheated, dude. How do you know she wouldn’t do the same thing to you if you ended up getting with her? You say that perhaps it’s because she’s “never found the right person”, but I don’t think this has anything to do with cheating. Say you were the “right person”, instead of cheating on her current boyfriend with you, the right thing to do would’ve been to end it with him and then start a relationship with you. What she did wasn’t right. I think the reason you couldn’t/still aren’t able to see this is because you were/are blinded by your love for her. To me - someone who has no emotional connection to her - she had obvious flaws, and to be honest, I really didn’t see this having a good ending (because of her obvious flaws and the way she was mistreating you). But when you’re involved in it as intensely as you were/are, it’s much harder to see these things. It comes back to ‘idolising’ these women, Dave - you had some great times with Sarra, yes, but there were clear warning signs signalling that it may not work out. Next time, I’d advise you to make a point of trying to be as objective as possible - try to see the situation in its entirety instead of focusing only on the good parts. This way, you’ll have a clearer perspective on things and not allow yourself to be mistreated in the way that I believe Sarra was mistreating you.

It sucks that we can’t talk about this shit face to face - talking about these issues is best done over a beer in person. But yeah, try to think about what I’ve said mate and see if you can’t see some of Sarra’s flaws and see the ways that she wasn’t treating you particularly well. You’re still young, a lot of this learning about girls/relationships etc just comes with age and experience. I’m what, 4 or 5 years older than you? I’ve learnt heaps in those 4 or 5 years and still have a lot to learn, so don’t sweat it - you’ll get there in time.

Hit me back mate,
Dan

Really sorry about my last comment - that came out really wrong - saying that I’m a bit older than you. Really wasn’t trying to be condescending, all I meant was that all this stuff is a learning process, and that as you get older, you’ll learn more and more and girls and relationships and with this knowledge you’ll be able to make better and better choices about potential girlfriends etc. The only reason I referenced myself was to say that everyone learns as they get older and have more experiences with girls/relationships etc. That’s all. Just wanted to clarify that mate. You’re just a normal bloke going through normal issues with girls - it’s all part of growing up. You’re gonna be fine - sooner or later you’ll find a keeper and be really happy with her.

Hang in there mate,
Dan

P.s. that’s great news about the psych, keep that work up mate and keep me posted on how it’s going.

Daaan… Lol. I think your gonna be a bit pissed off with me… Ummm…. I discovered yesterday (the day after we ended it) that Sarra had sent me a message an hour after the fight…

I’ll copy it onto here so that you get the full view.

David…. I dont like this…. Please come back… =\ I’m dying here… :(… I know what I did was wrong… Aaah… I just miss u lots… And it’s only been an hour… I feel stupid writing this… U might not even read it…. But… Yeah… I just miss u…

So I replied and after much thought and consideration I told her that I had been missing her heaps too but I could only take her back if let go of any feelings for anyone else and COMPLETELY committed herself to me. The things she had done had ripped me up and I didn’t want to go through it all again.

So Dan, I know this is probably a pretty dumb idea…. But I’ve taken her back and she’s promised to dump her bf and commit herself to me. I missed her so much too and I cried me eyes out on the night… Work the next day was horrible… I just wanted to talk to her to set things straight…. She couldn’t even sleep at all last night, surely thats a sign that she has huge feelings for me? She has admitted she was be a total bitch and apologized for it.

By the way, you’re allowed to slap me if u want. Lol…. This is the first time I’ve ever been the person to choose whether a relationship continues or ends. I’ve always been the person to get dumped… I guess like you said, we learn things as we grow older. Well, we learn from our mistakes and if this is a mistake then I wanna make it. I will try my hardest to see Sarra in her entirety and I think now that I have, I can continue to do so.

I know, I know, you can say it again this is a bad idea, but I want to try it. This is my persistence and great forgiveness kicking in… Anyway, I would really LOVE to hear what you have to say about this. Haha. Thanks guys, bye

OMG. I cant stop screwing up… U guys don’t even have time to reply to a post of mine before I make another big mistake… It was a dumb idea taking Sarra back… I should have just listened to you guys… Youre always right…. I’m always wrong… Things are just back to how they were before the split… I told Sarra, she has a week to make up her mind what she wants to do because she changed her fucking mind again and this makes me going against my original conditions of taking her back… But then of course she went all sad so I gave her an extra week… I wish I didn’t… Oh shit… Ive made such a mess of my life… It’s a joke. You must all think I’m a retard… But, I still love her and I still want her, I just don’t want all of this pain that I’m going through in attempt to have her… It’s making me so anxious…

I’m such a hypocrite though… Today I changed my mind 3 times about whether I still wanted to try to be with her… Then she went and threw in something else just to confuse me further… She said she’s jealous of me talking to Amber… Sarra just doesn’t make any sense…

I’ve got to work tomorrow…. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m sick of this crap and it is making me think of self harm again…. I swear, I must subconsciously try to put myself through so much pain… It’s like I’m masochistic… To be honest, right now I wouldn’t mind if I just got hit by a truck… I’ve already been hit by enough emotional ones… I hate my life…

Hey mate,

Ok first up I’d never ever getted ‘pissed off’ with you for anything you do - it’s your life mate, I’m just trying to be a mate and give you some advice. Secondly, yeah, fair enough, if she says she’s made a mistake and wants to dump her bf and totally commit herself to you then I reckon that’s cool. People make mistakes and if they seem serious about correcting them (which she does) then I think it can be worth giving them a second chance. So yeah mate, go for it, see how it all pans out. It should be enjoyable and it’s all a learning experience so why not give it a crack.

Keep me posted on how it goes bud. Didn’t you also say she lived overseas? When do you first plan to see each other?

Also, by the way, I think it’s really good that you stood up for yourself and told her that you could only take her back if she fully committed herself to you. This assertiveness is really good, and it’s the sort of thing that at times can protect you from getting hurt. I think this is a really big step for you, and I hope it’s something you take a minute to think about and try to maintain so that you can avoid, at least to some extent, people hurting you in the future. So yeah, I’m proud of you mate, that’s really good work. I think this for example is something that might be part of your “recovery” - making permanent changes to the way you think etc. that can prevent you from getting depressed. I think your unwillingness to do this in the past has caused you pain (eg with Sarra much earlier), so now that you’ve done it, that’s great - think of the pain you’ve saved yourself. Try to remember this so that you can continue being assertive in the future.

Keep me posted mate, good job again.
Your mate,
Dan

Mate just read your most recent post (obviously my response before was in reference to your one before that).

Anyway, I think this comes down to being assertive (see above). If you’re assertive, you can protect yourself from Sarra’s bullshit - ie not put up with it. She’s really fucking you around here - if you still want to give her a chance I think you’ve got to stick to your guns here and say ‘either dump your boyfriend or else’. She can’t have it both ways - that’s just making you miserable. You don’t deserve that.

Keep me posted,
Dan

thanks for the replies Dan but im actually in a pretty good mood at right now and i can see a little clearer…

so yeah, i think the 2 weeks is fair for Sarra to decide. although, i think im gonna struggle on the assertiveness bit… i dont know what im gonna do if she hasnt decided by 2 weeks. ive had a really good night with her tonight (not sexual) and i loved it, so did she Last night was pretty good as well to be honest. I don’t want to let her go at the end of this. she’s so important to me.

Sarra’s really becoming more…i think mature and understanding or accepting of my situation in this and its making things easier. it allows us both to communicate better and its really benefiting both of us.

And Dan, in reference to your earlier post, i cant remember if i have told you before, but we had been planning for me to go over and see her sometime in March, probably April now if we continue after this 2 weeks we’re both really looking forward to it and i can see we’re becoming more mature and realistic with our ideas for this visit. i can really see we’re both growing in this (just as you said we would)

anyway, thats me for the moment. things are quite good so im happy with that. look forward to hearing your response… i hope JoJo comes back…. i miss talking to her too… i hope she’s ok.

ok then. talk soon Dan, bye

Hey Dave,

Sorry I’ve taken so long to reply to this - haven’t been near my computer much recently.

Anyway mate, I hope things are going well for you. I think the only advice I can give you is to be assertive throughout this process. Don’t take any shit. I think this is the best way to protect yourself and not feel miserable over the next two weeks. Stick by your guns - don’t let her walk all over you.

Give me an update though mate.

Hope all’s been well, and sorry once again for the late reply.

Dan

Heaven

I think that’s where I’m at right now… well, almost.

Sarra, is… Amazing

I love her to pieces. I want to be with this girl FOREVER.

The last almost 2 weeks have been so great for us and we’ve been really happy. This message from Sarra just topped it all off:

I really miss u =/ wanted to talk to u all day and could only talk for like an hour maybe? D: … i do think i love u .. but i didnt wanna admit it or say it becuz i have a bf and i sorta feel bad >< but i dont wanna say that i dont when i do. sweet dreams aye xox tty tomoro

This is pretty much what I’ve wanted to hear for months!! Sarra’s had a pretty rough day today and we talked tonight and it really touched me… Her message was from last night… I really do love her sooooooo much. I’m seeing things clearly and I can see her “downsides” but Sarra is the girl of my dreams. Everything else is irrelevant when I feel the way i do about her… and it seems she feels the same about me too. Sarra said she doesnt want to be with her bf anymore and he’s getting way too sexual for her. I think she’s probably gonna leave him very shortly… and my 2 weeks of time is this Sunday… when she will also see him again, im not sure if she will see him tomorrow or saturday though. i hope my 2 weeks is going to be irrelevant because she will want me anyway. i really like how things are at the moment. Keenly awaiting her decision and the trip to NZ. It’s going to be the best week of my life so far!!!

Anyways, thats my update guys. Isn’t it good i gave her a 2nd chance!!! Thanks so much for the continued support guy’s it really means a lot to me talk soon

Mate that’s great that things seem to be going well but you really need to be weary of this boyfriend. Why hasn’t she chucked him yet? It’s been ages. And if you do end up with her, how will you be able to trust her not to do something similar to you (ie cyberf*** some other bloke and tell him she loves him)? Just be careful mate, I still think you need to have your guard up and be assertive. Remember all the pain her having a boyfriend caused? How has that situation changed? Just be careful mate, and if I was you I’d really be sticking to your two week rule. If she doesn’t stick to that and you just let it slide, it sets a terrible precedent in the relationship - that she can basically do whatever she wants and you will accept it and let her walk all over you. This will in all likelihood create a large power imbalance in the relationship and set you up for a lot of pain. Don’t ever underestimate the need to be assertive - it’s critical in any relationship.

I’m glad you’re feeling good mate but I really, really urge you to be assertive so that she doesn’t end up hurting you again.

Keep me posted,
Dan

Oh my god, just typed so much then my computer screwed up and got rid of it all…

Well today’s Sunday. To be honest i dont want to have to retype this in such detail again so i’ll give you the basics. Sarra didnt get to see her bf today but she has talked to him. She has tried to leave him but he’s being very stubborn and doesnt want to let her go. He has said, he “ISNT” going to leave her and he doesnt want to. He cant accept her feelings. She has told him that she loves me and she tells me she loves me all the time too. Things have been really great for me lately and it makes me feel amazing when Sarra says she loves me.

as for he trust thing Dan, I dont have an issue with that. as you know, im a very forgiving person and i trust Sarra with all of my heart. I know she wants to be with me and i know she’s trying as hard as she can. I honestly cant see her cheating on me for someone else. i think this whole situation has hurt her too much and she just wouldnt want to go through it all again.

I’m finding it very hard to be assertive with Sarra when she’d sad. I just dont know how im supposed to get completely what i want and not upset her more. i mean, i dont want to ruin things between us just because ive been over assertive because i want things done before my deadline which was only set because of my wants and without any other occasion behind it.

As for your setting a precedent thing, yeah, i get that. but the thing is, i dont think i would be setting a precedent by giving Sarra a bit of an easier time during this hard period for her. I she knows what i really want and she is really appreciative of me being a little more lenient.

Anyway, i cant remember much else of what i had said before and i cant think of anything else so i’ll talk again soo ok.

Cya Dan, we’ll see how things go from here. Thanks for your support

Yeah mate all good, whatever you think’s best. You definitely are a much more tolerant person than me - I used to be like you but I got fucked over too many times by being too lenient so now I’m more assertive about these issues, but each to their own. Do what you think’s best mate but if you find yourself feeling depressed, then I think you need to change things up - tell her what it is you want and why the current situation isn’t working for you. If you’re not feeling depressed like you were before, perhaps you can afford to be a little more lenient. But even still think you should be assertive. This is kind of the way I see it: if the boyfriend says that he “isn’t going to leave her”, how, in your mind, are they ever going to break up, and accordingly, how will you ever be with her yourself? My interpretation of “him not wanting to end it” is that she’s not really trying hard enough to end it - or perhaps not trying at all (lieing to you) - because she still has feelings for him. Regardless of what she says to you, how do you know she’s really trying to end it? How do you know she doesn’t have feelings for him too? Remember that you’ve never even met her face to face - in all likelihood the boyfriend knows her much better than you do. Don’t these issues bother you at all? I’m not trying to be negative or anything - rather, I’m just trying to make you see what is perhaps a more ‘complete’ picture of what is going on here. Seeing the complete picture doesn’t necessarily mean that you love her any less, rather that you have a more realistic understanding of what’s going on, meaning that you can act in a way that it perhaps in a way that is better for you. To be brutally honest mate - and I’m saying this from experience - I think she has feelings for her boyfriend. She’s been ‘trying’ to end it for weeks now, and hasn’t. As you obviously know, people can lie or not give the whole story - even people you love. Again, I say this from bitter, bitter experience. That’s why I keep advising you to be assertive - make her make a choice. In my opinion, it’s ridiculous how long she’s dragged this out, and I think it’s because she has feelings for her boyfriend, regardless of what she says. I think you need to be really careful with this one mate. You say that you don’t want to be assertive because you think it might wreck things, but often when you’re not assertive is the times when things fuck up - question: can you see her ever ending it with her boyfriend if you’re not assertive? How long has this dragged on for now? To be honest, I can’t - if this is true, then it’ll never work. If you’re assertive, you make her make a choice, and then you give yourself a chance. She’s also more likely to respect you and take what you say seriously if you’re assertive than if you’re not. Just my opinion mate, but it’s coming from experience from a similar situation. Really not trying to be negative mate, just trying to give you some friendly advice and insight, like an honest mate would do. Of course, you do what you think is best.

Keep me posted bud, always here if you need me.
Dan

Dan…. I feel horrible….

It’s Sarra…. she’s killing me. Tonight she was sad and i had been trying to help her feel better. then she kept saying that it was impossible to feel better and things like that… then i kept telling her i loved her and that i really cared how she felt, even if she didnt want to try to be happy anymore. she started laughing at me randomly… she was laughing at me saying i loved her…

then she started getting twisted… the turned things on me and she was trying to mess with my mind. she kept saying she wanted to do this to me.. i asked why and she said “because its fun”. so i asked wat she was trying to achieve and she just said “trying to make you mad”…

by this time i was getting to feel quite sad. i told her she was really hurting me and she likes “so?”. i said she was making me feel like self harming and she just said “thats a kewl story. your fault, not mine”

i asked her if she loved me and she said, “well thats what i say dont i?” so i asked her if she felt bad about hurting someone she loved and she said she didnt.

from here i just gave up and said i am going to talk to her tomorrow and see if she has changed her mind on if she feels guilty or sorry for what she has done…. what i didnt say is that, if she hasnt changed her mind…. im leaving her…

tonight she was f*****g insane, and i think she was having some kind of mental episode… i had never seen her like this with me before, but she has showed me some of her convos with her bf where she had done this…

this is hurt me so much Dan. i dont know wat to do with this… i feel like self harming but i cant because my uncle is staying here for 3 weeks and i dont want him to see as well as my family…

im lost… i dont know about any of this anymore… maybe i should just end it all….

David,

What Sarra did to you is f***ed up - completely and utterly f***ed up. You have been nothing but good to her and she is being nasty and horrible (I also assume she hasn’t dumped her boyfriend yet, which can’t be making you feel good). I’ve thought you should end it with her for a long time but this is just getting ridiculous. I know you love her mate but she’s making you miserable. Anybody who does that she to you is nasty and blatantly just f***ed in the head. I know you love her but I really think you need to pull the plug. Do you really want to be with a girl that does that to you? That enjoys seeing you hurting? She says she loves you but that’s the complete opposite of love. My advice: chuck her ASAP. You deserve better. The “right” girl wouldn’t treat you this way and you shouldn’t have to put up with that sort of thing ever.

Keep me posted.
Dan

Hey Dan…. things have been, good but bad but good but bad… lol. its really… difficult.

I did what i said i was gonna do…. I spoke to Sarra the next day and she was really sorry. so i gave her her final chance…

she broke up with her bf the day after she made me feel crap. which is good. but the wants to be alone for a while. then she wants to explore her “bi” side and she wants a relationship with a girl. she has a bunch of other goals she wants too… i mean, im happy for her to do these things, and i WANT her to be happy. but its so hard for me… i cant wait around for her while she goes out and lives. we still love each other but it’s just not what she wants. i couldnt be around her for this time and not love her and try to change her… so i think… i think it is for the best if we stopped talking, but i still wanna be her friend… but, i just cant be her friend, i either have to be more or nothing. i dont know, i mean, i dont want to get rid of her forever, and then have no one again… but i dont wanna go against what she wants either… its so hard to decide.

i think i need to move on… its the last thing i want, but its what is best for me i think… i dont, tell me what you think.

thanks dan

Hey David,
I think your good mate Dan has it right. Run for the hills with this one….hard i know to do…but she isnt going to give you what you really need. I like how your thinking of making a stand mate.

Just remember the separation is old feeling stuff David…going back a long time with your family experiences , particularly with mum…

Man we do want you to move past this stage with Sarra…I hope you havnt self harmed, but if you have be gentle on yourself.

Dan asks some really good, hard questions because he cares about you like a lot of people on here do. We only want the best for you. Sarra isnt that way inclined. She has a lot of issues David and I think you are starting to see these very clearly. Good on you. The more balanced you can see her good, bad sides the more you will chose the right outcome. A woman like Sarra doesnt really see you how you need but one could almost say she has a sadistic side. Perhaps she is trying to deliberately lose you because she doesnt think she has the courage to say no to you or on some deep level she feels unworthy of anything nuturing.

So hang in there man.

All the best
John

Hey Dave,

Yeah mate, my advice would be to bail immediately and never talk to her again. Sounds really harsh I know, but that’s what I’d do, even though it’ll be hard.

I’d do this for the following reasons:

1. Well, all the reasons I’ve mentioned previously.

2. The whole ‘bi’ thing - she said she wants to explore this and have a relationship with a girl etc. - really doesn’t sound like she’s at the place you want her to be (ie ready to commit to you). This isn’t good - I feel that if you hang on to her, you’ll feel miserable. Who knows when she’ll be ready to date you, if ever? For me, this reason in and of itself would be more than enough for me to pull the plug.

3. I think trying to be friends with her will be very difficult and ultimately will end up making you feel miserable. In my experience, the ‘friends’ thing after going through a lot together has never worked. I’d make a clean break for it. From then, you can begin to get over her and gradually heal.

4. She lives overseas, right? If this was the only problem that existed I wouldn’t necessarily think of it as a reason to call it quits - but when you add it to everything else, it really doesn’t help matters.

But yeah, it seems you’re thinking along the same lines. I know it’ll be hard mate, but sometimes moving on from the one you love is the best thing to do.

Always here for you,
Dan

Hey Dan… Things have progressed. Well, the first big thing… On Thursday… Sarra lost her virginity to her ex (who I’m guessing is probably gonna be her bf again very soon) This absolutely destroyed me when she told me it happened… I couldnt stop picturing it in my mind. It disgusted me… I can’t even look at photos of her anymore without thinking about it. But well… Of course it just confused her more and on Thursday night she got to the stage where she was suicidal… Needless to say, I was compelled to help out out… It’s just that before she told me about what had happened I was planning on leaving her… But yeah, she said she wanted to kill herself so I held this off, not wanting to hurt her more and possibly tip her over the edge. Her bf got involved and she was pissed at him for telling me something… That something was that she had decided she only liked girls and the only guy she was interested in was him… This hurt me a lot… Especially to hear it second hand. Anyway, I completely cheered her up by the end of the night and taught her a few more things to deal with her pain… But yeah… It worked and she was appreciative of that…

The next day we made the decision… Or rather I did because she wouldn’t make up her mind… We r “separating”. But, I said that we would talk to each other on the first day of each month to catch up and see how each other are. I guess I wanted this, one, so that she would feel afraid of killing herself because she knows I am there for her to talk to later, and two, so that I know myself that she’s not dead. I really care about her still and even though she has hurt me so much…. I don’t want her to hurt herself.

Now, for the other thing, that came up today… I can’t remember if I told u but Amber has a guy she has been “with” for a few months now over the Internet Iike she and i were… I’ve talked to him a few times… He hated me from the word go. I don’t know why. And well, I told him what had happened between Amber and i, and i also told him I still really care about amber, BECAUSE I DO. but I clearly stated it was as a friend and that’s all. Of course he didnt believe me. So he kept telling Amber to stop talking to me but she told him the same as I did. We are just friends. He didn’t and still doesn’t believe her. Theyve been fighting and it’s all over me. He just won’t believe either of us, the stupid ….

So today, out of the blue when I went to talk to her for the first time today, Amber told me she couldn’t talk to me anymore and said goodbye…. All in one sentence. Now she won’t talk to me and I don’t know why, although I suspect it’s something he has said… So I’ve lost my 2 best friends in 2 days… Fun times… I thought after splitting with Sarra that I could handle it because I had Amber still…. Now i don’t have either of them… I’m back to being incredibly lonely again. I hate it….oh well…coincidentally it’s the 1st of April tomorrow… Let’s see how Sarra is… She’d better not do an April Fools joke…

Tell me what you think Dan, especially about still keeping this distant friendship with Sarra… By the way, with all of this going on… In the last few weeks, I’ve well… Been having a lot of thoughts about my sexuality. I don’t know how much this has been influenced by Sarra’s sexuality but it feels “right” I guess…. I’m really starting to think I am bi too… No one knows this other than Sarra… And well, I have told Amber ages ago that at one stage I was quite “into” one of my best guy friends… Well, my best mate before I met these 2 girls. Anyway, we will see how that goes… Thanks for being here for me Dan and sorry I didn’t reply sooner. I guess I was kind of just waiting for things to climax… Bye

Hey mate,

Sorry for the really late reply - things have been hectic with me lately.

Perhaps there’ve been updates since you posted but anyway - I think your decision to ’separate’ from her is a very good one. I know you loved her but she was nasty to you and made you miserable. She seems unstable as f***, as someone like that isn’t good for you bro. So I think that you’ll be happier in the long run without all that f***ing you up. If it was me I’d cut all contact with her and make a clean break for it, but I can see why you might want to talk to her every now and again. One thing though: don’t let her suck you back in to all her bullsh** and make you miserable again. Then you’ll be in the same mess you started in.

With Amber . . . that’s unlucky mate. Sometimes this happens, jealous boyfriends etc. You hope in those cases that the chick still keeps you as a friend but sometimes she doesn’t. I know it hurts but there’s not a whole lot you can do about it unfortunately. Best to move on I think.

Not sure what to think about the ‘bi’ stuff mate - I guess if you’re bi, then you’re bi. However, I believe it’s possible to, for example, have a ‘crush’ on someone of the same sex, without actually being bi. From speaking to people who are bi it’s my understanding that they’re attracted to people of the same sex as well as the opposite - I know that’s stating the obvious, but what I mean is like . . . well, a guy who’s bi for example gets turned on by other guys as well as girls, gets horny for guys as well as girls, and is capable of falling in love with guys as well as girls. At least that’s my understanding, not from personal experience but from knowing people who are bi. What do you think? I’d be inclined to think that if you don’t find the concept of having sex with a guy arousing and if you can’t see yourself falling in love with a guy then it’s probably just a phase, but I’m by no stretch of the imagination an expert. Maybe best to talk to your psych about it, or maybe a doctor. Keep thinking it over though mate to try and work out your true feelings.

Keep in touch bud, and sorry again for the late reply.
Dan

Hey Dan, dont worry about the “late” reply. You have a life outside of YBB and i dont want to impact upon that.

You’re right, things have changed in the meantime. Well, when i spoke to Sarra on Sunday (the 1st) she was kind of pissed off at me for deciding to stop talking all the time. she said she still wanted to with me all the time and stay as normal frieds. i basically explained to her that i made what i thought was the best decision at the time and i hoped she could forgive me for that. she did.

so, well, i know its like the 3rd time its happened but we are back to being just friends again and well… i was fine doing this but… she did something that kind of bothered me in a way. well, she did a little “x” kiss. and she’s doing it all the time now… but im doing it back too…. and i can see this as being that little way of creeping back into the same old f-ing situation. i dont want us to feel miserable again… but, im doing it as a “friendly” kind of kiss, but i just dont know if she is too… she probably is… but it just confuses things a bit more. she’s not back together with her ex though which is a good sign. but she said she really thinks she is just lesbian now. at least she is finally being more decisive…

all this being said, things are pretty good at the moment. Sarra and i have been getting on well and it feels “good”? i guess.

about the whole “bi” thing. im not 100% sure about it… im not sure whether i can picture myself falling in love with another guy or being… physical. i think i can probably see it being physical but as for falling love im not really sure. although, Sarra has been a BIG help in all of this, with all of her personal experience. she made me realise something really important - as ironic as it sounds sexuality and sex are not necessarily related. for example, a virgin can be straight, gay or bi-sexual even though they have never had sex. like, thing of all the celebate priests and stuff like that. I told her that im not sure about it because i wasnt REALLY enjoying, erm, experimenting. but i having what she said in mind, this doesnt necessarily mean im not bi… im not sure to be honest, i think it will come to me in time. maybe the best way to find out is to, well, do something with a guy and see how it feels. i dont know. theres no crush involved so i dont think its something to do with that but i understand what you mean about a straight guy having a “crush” on another guy but it not being sexual. i definitely dont want to tell my psych about this though. for the moment, Sarra is enough people knowing.

ok, so all of that out of the way, now to amber… i still havent heard from her and shes not even talking to me at all now… maybe you’re right and i should leave her alone… i just want her there because she and Sarra are the only real friends i have anymore. and you of course but we cant exactly hang out. lol.

anyways, thanks for the reply Dan, i really appreciate it.

Hey mate,

If I had to have a guess I’d say that I don’t think the kisses mean anything - I mean, you said she’s pretty set on being a lesbian right now, so it seems pretty clear that she’s not into guys right now. I wouldn’t read too much into it. Have there been any other developments?

With the ‘bi’ stuff mate - yeah, I think it’s best just to see how it all goes. I think your “true feelings” will come out sooner or later, and as you get older you’ll figure things out.

With Amber, I guess you also just have to see how it goes. Hopefully she comes back into your life but it’s hard to say what will happen. Just have to hope for the best.

Keep me posted mate,
Dan

Hey Dan, sorry i havent posted anything in a while. nothing has really happened i guess… my life is just really boring now and im getting more lonely. Sarra and i are still good, and Amber is talking to me again, but she still wont say why she stopped and things are the same as they used to be anyway…

im almost certain now that i am bi. i really want to explore things more but im so lonely and scared, i just dont know how to start. i really want to move out of home. really, i would be able to do it now if i chose to, but i just dont know where to start really.

my sex drive has been going ballistic the last few weeks which is pretty weird. i dont know if its something to do with the whole thing around being bi, but i really want to lose my virginity now. im getting really desperate… im getting more and more lax about how it could happen, which i shouldnt be doing, but i just want to do it. ive even been thinking about… cheating the system, if you know what i mean. im too much of a social wreck to do it the way every single other person does… im just a joke.

anyway, let me know how you are Dan. looking forward to hearing from you.

Hey mate,

I can understand your feelings of boredom and loneliness, and I know how difficult these feelings can be. On that note, I reckon you should move out of home. I think it will be good for you to go somewhere different where you will have the chance to make new friends and meet new people. Maybe looking for somewhere to move is just something you have to just do - and see where it takes you. It’s only looking - no harm in doing that until you actually make the decision. Perhaps this is something you can get excitement from - the prospect of moving out of home and living somewhere different. I know it’s scary but don’t you also find it exciting?

Mate with losing your virginity - I dunno, I don’t really think there’s a “right” way or a “wrong” way to do it. It’s also been my experience that once you get older how you lost your virginity really doesn’t matter, in the sense that it’s just not something you really think about anymore and just not something that you consider very important at all - but perhaps that’s just me. Keep having a think about things but I don’t think you should feel ‘guilty’ or judge yourself or whatever for the way it happens - I think you just need to do what’s right for you. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

Anyway mate, keep me posted on everything. Let’s try and work through some of these issues though and see if we can get some ideas going for how you can get more excitement out of life etc.

Dan

Hey again Dan, well, last night was horrible. You can blame Sarra for that. I was feeling pretty lonely and crap about myself and I told her how I was down and said that i was worthless and stuff like that and she said “dont say that” So I replied “but it’s true”. Then she replied “no it’s f***ing not and if you say it again I’m gonna f***ing slap you”. Yeah… Anyway because I was depressed I said, “but it is true”. Anyway, she cracked the shits. She basically starting yelling at me and telling me how she has her own shit to deal with too and im being stupid. Makes you feel good when you’re called stupid and you’re depressed… So basically I told her about how I help her when I have things to deal with too but she obviously never thought of that and I had been hoping she might be able to help me too and say nice things about me because that was what I needed… Not to be called stupid. So I said I was sorry for annoying her and could we please just forget it, and I asked her to say sorry too… She wouldn’t do it… I kept trying and trying but it took like an hour for her to say, “sorry then”. As if it meant anything by then. So I told her to think about how important I am to her and how her life would be different without me. I also told her to remember that I am the nice kid who is going through all of the trouble to give an awesome birthday present to a girl he has never met (I’ve bought her a really awesome new dress and I’m writing her a poem and making a card for her. The dress cost me $130)I wanted to do that for her because she means so much to me and she still does because 99% of the time, she is awesome, but that 1% she is a cold bitch. She made me go from lonely and a little down to suicidal… Last night I was on the verge of suicide. I would tell you what happened but I know YBB wouldn’t let me (which I can understand) Anyway, I’m taking the day off work today to try and feel a bit better so we’ll see how things go. Bye

F*** man, that’s not good to hear. Sarra again is causing you to be miserable, man. Read the last 50 posts or whatever - she’s slowly killing you. How can you say 99% of the time she’s awesome and 1% of the time she’s a cold bitch? She’s done shit like this a million times to you. Again - I’d cut her off. Also, it sets a bad precedent you continuing to come back to her after she treats you like shit - it’s like telling her ‘yeah, I don’t like it when you treat me like shit, but I’ll never leave you, so whatever you do I’m going to take it’. With that message, mean people are going to be mean. So far all Sarra has done is prove that she’s a mean person. Also, you buying her a present/writing her a poem etc . . . I think doing this sort of stuff is opening yourself up to get hurt. She either into girls at the moment/with her boyfriend/has other shit going on to not make her want to commit or anything to you of whatever - basically she’s made it clear you guys are only friends - and you doing all this stuff for her - it’s like the sort of thing you do for a girlfriend. And since she won’t reciprocate in that way, aren’t you just going to get hurt? Ask yourself: are you doing this stuff to try and “win her back”? To try and make her your girlfriend? If yes then I’d scrap it all. I just think it will end up hurting you.

I still think Sarra’s just a black hole of misery, and I’m not sure how you’re going to beat your depression with her in your life. Again, I think you need to beat this shit through seeing a psych and working hard on yourself - not by talking to girls who make you miserable. I know you’re lonely at the moment man but this shit isn’t good for you. I’d recommend putting my energy into working out how you can meet new people etc. rather than talking to old people who have a history of making you suicidal.

Let me know your thoughts,
Dan

Hey Dan, thanks for your very quick reply

Well, the first thing i want to comment on is, well, this post realistically doesnt give a very clear picture of my life, because i generally only comment on her when im depressed. so i yeah, i guess i could probably agree, its 99% - 1%. probably more, 95% - 5%. i figure that from the amount of days where she is really awesome, and the amount is horrible to me in 100 days. im guessing its about that.

ok, well i can understand where you’re coming from with you interpretation of what im “saying” to Sarra. but i dont think its necessarily completely accurate, because i have left her before, despite coming back to her when she begged for me back, and also ive threatened to leave since, but if it werent for the night (or rather, one of the many nights) she was suicidal, i probably would have left her again. so yeah, i can definitely see where you’re coming from but i dont think its completely true, but it is to an extent. ill keep it in mind.

ok, next thing. lol. my reason for buying her a present isnt that im trying to win her back. ive accepted now that she is lesbian and im comfortable with that, so we have both agreed now that we are friends. the reason why i’ve bought her the present is because she really does mean a lot to me and despite what it may sound like, she DOES make me REALLY happ, so i wanted to show my appreciation for that. also, she has been trying to her her EX, yes, ex, that she wants him to leave her alone because she wants to be alone for a fair while until she gets better. she has said to him that she is only interested in girls, just like she said to me but he cant accept that. to be honest, he seems to be acting just like i was when i was obsessed with Jackie. (do you remember her? its so long ago now. lol. like 9 months since the massive calamity) its like ive been pregnant! haha. Sarra actually asked me for advice on how to deal with him and i told her to do exactly what Jackie did to me. yes, its hard, but it will be the best thing for him, just like it was for me and im so glad Jackie did that now. so yeah, ive asked myself the question and winning her back isnt the reason why ive done this for her and i dont expect her to reciprocate, and i dont mind if she doesnt. i like being generous to show my appreciation. you know, i think Sarra is almost becoming a bit like a sister to me, and its kind of interesting really, because i see Jackie as a “sister” in a way too. shes the big sister i never had and Sarra is the twin sister i never had and amber is the little sister i never had. lol. its really weird to think ive had serious feelings for all 3 girls but its turned out this way for all of them, although, Sarra is obviously still in that transition phase.

Well, i think its a little harsh to say Sarra is a “black hole of misery”… (although, she actually got given Miseryy as her nickname by her friends and she has donned it herself - kind of interesting…) anyway, i think i can beat my depression with her in my life and actually i think she could be a major part of getting better, as long as she recovers with me, which is why ive been helping her as much as i can. also, you say shes a girl who makes me miserable, but shes also a girl who makes me so frickin happy. surely, you think girls who make me happy are good to have in my life for my recovery?

ok finally, i agree with you that i NEED to put more effort into finding new friends. it is a major part of my happiness, especially because it would involve “getting over” my social anxiety which i believe is the main cause of my depression and the main factor in keeping me down. oh and also, i TOTALLY agree with your idea on looking for places to move out to again. definitely a good idea and well, ive saved enough money to last a while without a job so now is probably a pretty good time to move.

anyway, thanks so much for the consistently good advice Dan. it means a HELL OF A LOT to me, i really appreciate, if i could i would buy you a present haha, thanks mate, bye

Hey mate,

Sorry again for the late reply - been so busy lately but things are settling down now so all good.

You’re right mate - my bad - I guess you only talk about the bad aspects with Sarra so sometimes I forget about the good aspects etc. Still, she has done quite a lot of things to hurt you which still worries me - I think just be cautious of it all mate, but yeah, all good. Just one thing though mate - you know how she said you think she can help your depression if she ‘recovers’ with you ? - Just be careful with this mate - I think you beating your depression has to be something you do on your own - it takes courage to face your problems and hard work to beat them, and not everyone is able or willing to do what it takes to knock their issues on the head - I guess what I’m saying is that is Sarra is not really committed to solving her depression - ie doing the things you really need to do to solve it - she may end up slowing your own recovery down, which isn’t good for you. I don’t know - I’ve gone down your route before - trying to recover with someone - and all it did was f*** me up - I’ve come to believe that recovering from an illness like depression is best done independently - but maybe that’s just me. Try to think about what I’m getting at though and see if you think Sarra is really the best person to try and beat your illness with - maybe she is, I don’t know. But yeah, if she’s not seeing a psych or taking meds or anything then I’d say she wasn’t - but of course your call. Just a thought mate.

Anyway, have you had a chance to look for places to move to yet? What have you come up with?

Also, any more thoughts on losing your virginity/the bi situation?

Keep me posted bud, and sorry for the late reply.
Your mate,
Dan

Hey Dan, dont worry about the “late” reply. i really appreciate anything at all

ok, you know, i think wat you said is right about Sarra not being the “right” person to get better with. shes too unstable and unpredictable. not what i need to get better. i will still obviously have her as a friend becaus i need and want her in my life. she makes me happy the last few days have been really good. ive actually been talking with her ex who ive talked to before and actually get on REALLY well. so now we r friends and helping Sarra when she needs it. and well, he still wants to get back with her and im happy for him to do that. hes proven to me that hes actually a good guy. in all of the talking that ive done with him, weve discovered Sarra has told A LOT of lies to both of us and ive found out theyve done a lot more “things” together too. But like i said in my last post, things with Sarra and i are set at just friends now and i want them to stay that way. to be honest, im actually, right now helping her ex get back with Sarra. its pretty clear that she wants to be with him again… i know… can never stick with a decision, but hey, at least it will make them both happy and thats what i want.

i did have a little bit of a look at places in adelaide, but theres so much to choose from and because ive got no idea about adelaide… im pretty much lost in it all. so at this stage, im pretty well lost with where to start.

thoughts about the bi/virginity things… well, ive been getting a lot more comfortable with being bi and i love it now. i just feels so real and right for me so it makes me happy. but no progression on either fron really.

some sad news now though… i am going down south to see my grandma and pop on thursday til monday because we found out 3 weeks ago my pop has cancer and he doesnt have very long left. so we’re going to see him maybe for the last time before he dies… its gonna be a pretty uncomfortable trip i think. and i feel bad too because… well… i feel like i should feel worse about him dying but i dont really feel so much like i should… it makes me feel like a bit of an arse.

anyway, thats it for the moment. thanks again for your reply… this has actually depressed me a little… cya Dan

Hi David, I might only be 15 but a the age of 7 my mum left my dad and caused me to hate her, because she abandoned me and my brother. Now I see her every second weekend and she pissed me off to the max. She does hundreds of little thing that hurt my feelings. In the past I have moved out out few times but every time I leave she gets desperately sick and then i end coming back because I can not do that to her. Even though she was the one who started my depression, I still love her a little bit!

So good luck!
Love, Hannah

Hey Dave,

That’s good man, I think you and Sarra remaining at friends is the best thing for you. In terms of you getting better though, are you still seeing your psych etc to work through your issues? I have been thinking that this will also seemingly be quite essential to your move as well - if you can kick your social anxiety then the move should be much smoother - meeting people etc shouldn’t be as hard. Perhaps this is some additional incentive to try and get to the bottom of your issues as soon as possible.

Anyway with the move, mate, I think you need to keep looking for places etc - if you don’t “start” as you say, then it will never happen. So I just think you need to actually start. I’d probably start researching a city/town on the internet - find one that seems to suit your needs, maybe go there on a bit of a holiday and see what it’s like. Then if you like it you can think about finding a place and a job there etc. I reckon just give it a crack though mate and see where it takes you - it’s scary but also exciting, right? A whole new life for you.

With your grandparents mate . . . yeah, I don’t know. Your feelings are what they are, I don’t think there’s any “right” way or “wrong” way to feel, and I don’t think you need to feel “bad” for the way you feel. Those feeling are what they are - why fight them? Just my take.

Keep talking mate,
Dan

Hey guys, i’m back again. I was away for 4 days to go down south to see my pop because hes not very well obviously.

Thanks for sharing your story Hannah. That sounds like some very tough things to go through and im glad you’ve come through it to tell us about it. It’s really good that you’re still capable of loving your mum after everything you have both been through. It shows real character

Well Dan, my trip was good i guess, but theres one thing… I missed Sarra like crazy. I could rarely think about anything but her. Its not good that I’ve still got such huge attachment to her. I’m trying to let her go but i just cant knock the feelings on the head. Maybe its because i can still picture myself ending up with her, even though i know its not going to happen. I’m not sure really… She wasnt doing so well either while i was away, which well… i could kinda see that happening. i am still seeing the psych once a fortnight and shes given me a few ideas on how to approach moving out. despite this, im not sure how much use my psych is to me anymore. i never really have much to talk about.

but what you said about the social anxiety, i dont think i CAN kick it before i move out. i think its something which i will have to treat along the way and meeting new people could be a very good way of conquering it, if i approach it right.

my feelings of being bi are still there so i think theyre here to stay, and im happy with that. and also, in reference to one of your earlier posts, where you said it really shouldnt matter how i lose my virginity, i guess what i was getting at wasnt, just making it not very special, but well…. using an escort. ive talked to Sarra about this too and she told be she thinks its not a horrible idea which is reassuring. i hope it happens soon though really. maybe it will happen when i move out and start meeting more people, after all, there more people who will be open to that kind of thing for me now; some guys and girls

ive been using a few online dating sites too, in efforts to meet new people and theyre going ok i guess. havent met anyone though.

anyway, thats my bit for now. thanks for the support guys, i really appreciate it. talk soon

Hey mate,

F*** sorry for the late reply again - internet’s been on the fritz all week, only got it up and running again yesterday.

Interesting about Sarra, mate. Ideally yes, I think it’s best if you don’t have that “attachment” to people. I mean it’s all good to care about someone and want to talk to them etc., but attachment is a bit different to that. Why do you think you have these feelings? I would suggest this is something you talk to your psych about - although I understand that your relationship with your psych doesn’t seem that good if you don’t find them helpful/can’t open up. Hopefully if you move you can find someone who can help you more.

On the moving front, have you had any developments? Looked at any more places? Keep searching mate. Maybe if you find somewhere you like you can take a trip down there to check it out?

I think it’s good that your doing what you can to meet new people, mate. Like you said this is essential to moving past your social anxiety, plus the more friends you have, the better, right? Keep up the good work mate.

Give us some updates though mate.

Hope all’s well,
Dan