Hi Mitchell,

Mate, thanks for sharing your story! Seriously, I read it twice and learning about your prior family situation, what you went through, broke my heart.

But more than that, where you are now, how you got through it all, your mum’s recovery, and the fact that you have converted all this pain into strength and courage to help other people, is absolutely inspirational. It also makes me think that as bad as our society has gotten, amazing character traits such as those you have shown still exist in spades. It is people like you who are the “seeds” needed to rebuild a compassionate base in our society. It is unfortunate that real pain is required for us to “see” what needs to be done, but it is a necessary ingredient, it is what it is.

I really hope to see you here on the posts mate, I think you have an amazing amount to offer. Thanks and all the best.

Steve

Thank you Steve
It has been a rough ride, espically because I am only 17 now. But it has shaped me into the person I am today.
I see a councillor at Strathpine and was selected to be apart of the Images of a hero calander, which is where 12 people get selected each year and you can put your story in the calander. This year I was selected for next years calander. If anybody can get a copy of the calander keep a hold of it because each person in the calander has been through a rough time and there storys are amazing

I am writting this as an update. Life has been very crap for me over the past few months. In July I was sexually assaulted at a railway station by another guy. He died 2 days later. My home life is crap and I am self harming again and have tried suicide again. In the past 5 weeks I have had 3 hospital admissions. I am the most depressed I have ever been. I do not want to be at home. I got no where I can go. I do not see the point of living. I blame myself for all the crap with my mums health recently and I also blame myself for all the shit going on in dads life. I feel I would be better of dead some days.
I have also stuffed up a lot of friendships and i am hurting everyday.
I have now left school and I am working full time

Mitchell, you have been through an enormous amount and we are sorry to hear that things are feeling so hard again. IT is VERY important to get the right support when you have been through a traumatic experience or if you are harming yourself and feel like dying. Are you still seeing the counsellor? If not please make contact again. It is really common for the road to recovery to be rocky with setbacks along the way. Your counsellor can help you to think about what helped last time and may have some new ideas too. You are a survivor Mitchell, please keep reaching out for support. As you know things can improve. We wish you all the best, Youth Beyondblue Team.

Mitchell,
Sweetie, thanks for reaching out and things sound like they are really hard for you right now and have been for a while but you will get through this, you will be okay. Suicide isnt good to be thinking of- if it helps at all its kind of a getaway. You will be okay and i believe you will make it through this - despite not knowing you.
Stay Strong and keep reaching out to us.

i have gone through many things similar to you. i have been sexually assualted by my ex boyfriend and bullied and everything it makes you feel horrible but we are stronger the this if we can go through everything and live to keep helping other we have made it and i think we can get through this together.

Hey Mitchell

You’re story is really inspirational. At the start of this year I lost my Uncle a few days before my birthday than a month after that I lost three of my best friends in a car accident due to a drink driver. Two weeks after that I lost a friend to suicide and lastly a month ago my aunty lost her battle with cancer. Plus on top of these death my mum has gone into hospital multiple times this year for operations which has really affected me because I am in grade 12 and the workload was full on and my brother wouldn’t help me with the housework, so on top of my school work I also had to do the house work.

I explained to my teachers about what was going on and at first they were understand but as the year progressed and more friends passed away I went into severe depression and my teachers started arguing with me about how I wasn’t concentrating in class. This put heaps of pressure on me as I thought my teachers were understanding.One day I just started crying in class and told my teachers what was going on and because I made this move they became understanding again.

Your story has taught me that when times are tough there is always a reason and the reason is that God wants you to have a closer relationship with him.

Kathryn: that sounds like a very hard situation. I know what it is like to lose a friend to suicide. I lost a friend last year. Also my mum has said on numerous occassions that she has wanted to kill herself. I know it would be really hard for you with your mum going in for operations. I can remember sitting there in the ER looking at mum, and the doctors did not know if she was going to make it. I am sorry to hear about all of your losses.
I recently done a project called images of a hero. If you ever get a hold of the calander I am Jan 2012. The message that Iput in the calander is that life may seem very tangled and very dark at time but there is always a light, you just have to look for it.

Hey Mitchell
you know what suffering and despair is. Keep talking to someone man.
The mistake a lot of people make is when they are at that rock bottom they can face the real fear, terror or chaos.It is very hard to do as we often are not given tools to do this. The key is not to judge how F$#%ed up it all is and we are. Dont go down this route is my advice to anyone here. We need another to help us through these phases in life. The worse thing anyone can do is act out those feelings by ending ones life.This is another sad mistake people make.

These dark feelings are there for a reason. Old stuff it is. Presenting itself again as a sort of “gift” for us to understand. The only bitch about it is is that it hurts a lot, confuses us and makes us go into our normal defenses. When these defenses fail then we need to break down before we can build up.This is where we need someone to help us.

If you look at the big picture this has been whats been happening to you. The external things happening are testing your internal structures and are causing you to buckle under the strain. Who wouldnt hey ?

so your ego thinks its in charge and trying to maintain control. Well it isnt in charge. The unconscious is. The ego will fight and fight to exist as long as it can by doing so it causes a lot of pain for us. the unconscious wins in the end and has a large force that comes through in pain, numbness and chaos etc..Many people judge this as bad but it isnt….it is a creation process that does have meaning. The ego is getting remade into something bigger and more stable/resilient. This takes time and patterns of suffering and stability. The psyche moves in the following cycle ie from order to chaos to order etc

You can stem the magnitude of these cycle fluctuations by talking to someone and having them “see” you on levels you have not had before.

So keep talking Mitchell. What happens on the outside of our lives we can learn to not let it affect us so much on the inside. Your job is to unglue yourself from identifying with the external world and find that space within you that is yours and resourceful. The Self can appear when we are at our lowest point, something amazing can come that wasnt possible before if we are open to it.

I wish you well

All the best
John

HI MITCHELL,
I THINK THAT YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION. YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION THE WORST THIG FOR ME THEN WAS THAT I WAS AWAY FROM MY FAMILY FOR TWO YEARS BECAUSE I CHOSE TO COME TO AUSTRALIA AND GET A BETTER EDUCATIO I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS HARD UNTIL I READ YOUR STORY. I WAS ABOUT TO QUIT EVERY THING I WORKED FOR IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE. WHEN I READ YOUR STORY, IT GAVE ME COURAGE AND IT TAUGHT ME HOW TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I HOPE YOU KEEP ON POSTING. YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR THANK YOU AGAIN.
HALIMA

Thank you halima. Never give up. I am writting this as an update as well. Last saturday night I tried,to end my life on 2 occsssions. I am in a very bad spot atm and I can not get out of it

Hey Mitchell,
I am reading your posts to others and hearing the advice you are giving them.
Never give up. Life is a game, you can only make two moves, backwards and forwards.
Don’t forget these words.
Reach out and see and doctor, get into counselling, take a long walk, centre yourself.
Your an inspiration to many people.
People need you.
Don’t be alone.

Mitchell,

We are all still here for you mate, we have tracked your story and your update and now that you are in need of support consider us “all in”. Your last 2 attempts should be your last 2, period! That’s it, no more harming yourself to numb the pain.

The events in your life leading up to this point are going to cause you some emotional pain. They are going to manifest, arise, hurt like hell, upset you, but they are also going to GO AWAY. They can’t stay forever, everything is temporary and nothing exists under its own power only. Your strong emotions and negative thoughts have a catalyst, something that is triggering them. Until you deal with the underlying trigger (the mental, emotional and physical abuse you have endured and the habit behaviours and scars they have left you with) they will recur. But if you stop identifying with them, stop fueling them with the thought that they are “real”, stop fearing them and just accept them for what they are, slowly they will lose power over you.

You need to see a counselor mate, and you need to commit to this process. You also need to keep good people around you, and you need to keep your eye on the goal: recovery so that you can be the real hero that you deserve to be labelled by using your experiences to help others.

I wish you the best mate, we are here for you.

Steve

Hi Mitchell,
i am very glad to see that you are still posting. i just wqanted to tell you that l;ife is like gambling you always have bad luck and good luck. for you it is different. you have basicly spent most of your life facing the bad side of things. never think that is all your fault. it is never anyone’s fault. things happen because they are meant to happen.
my advice to you is to always gamble safe. there is always a silver lining to every cloud. what i mean is that you should always look for the silver lining even though it is covered by the dark clouds, it is always there. you just haveto find it.
good luck mitchell, hope you find the silver lining and remember always gamble safe!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxx:)
Halima

Hi eveeyonegiving u an update just got discharged from hospital. I am now living in a youth shelter because I am not allowed to return home. I had another attemt at suicide, but I will get through this.

hi,
my advice to you would be to find a hobby. like writins or in my case, being a singer/song writter. that would help you just like it helpe me and helped a lot of people that i gave that advice to. when you are sad always think or do your hobbie and it will hel you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhalima

What aride it has been. I have had another 2 attempts and more self harm. 2 weeks ago I hurt myself but I will get through this and also my dad is back in contact with the pedo that he was sleeping with 16 years ago that sexually assualted my brother and I am back living with mum

this brings me to tears. thinking how brave you are. thinking of how many people must attempt suicide because of serious issues in the home. i find that when you have suicidal thoughts…. its hard to ignore them. some say self harm or suicide attemps are addictive. and in a way i agree. you can make it through this. you having told us your story shows your courage. you WILL make it through your life. i believe in you.
best of luck to your future
XX

Thank you Emma, yes it is hard to ignore the thoughts to self harm and kill yourself, but you just have to try and find ways that can distract yourself from them, for example music, putting ice on your wrist and flicking a rubberband etc.

Have not been on here for ages, this is an update. So much has happened They have changed my diagnosis to Emotional Borderline Personality Disorder, been back in hospital a few times, still self harming and a number of suicide attempts.

I have a massive gambling addiction, been in a up and down relationship with a girl I met in the hospital been back and forward with accommodation, mums health is not great again

Hello Mitchell,

We are happy that you have returned to the website to tell us how you are going. We are sorry to hear that things are feeling so hard again. IT is VERY important to get the right support when you have been through the things that you describe.
Are you still seeing the counsellor? If not please make contact again. It sounds like you could use some support. And always remember that you can call lifeline 131114 or kids help line 1800 55 1800 when you are feeling suicidal

We wish you all the best,
Youth Beyondblue Team.

Thanks for the update Mitchell. We had trouble posting your reply to the above message.

We are sorry to hear about the suicide attempt 2 mths ago and recent self harm. SO glad to hear that you have linked in with adult mental health and are about to start treatment for the new diagnosis. We hope that this support can help get things back on track for you.

Take Care,
Youth Beyondblue Team.

Hi mitchell,

Im 14 and im moving to the adolescent mental health ward in brisbane. I read that youve been admitted to hospital and I was wondering if you could tell me what its like in there? im really sorry to hear of everything youve gone through. Im sure it will get better. Keep us apdated.

Zara xo

Hi Zara. If you are going to the ward in RBH. It has both its positives and negatives. I found it hard in the wards on a few reasons. 1 of them is they usually stick people on the Distress Tolerance program which is like bed rest for three days and you go insane ffrom the boredom. A lot of the nurses it seem like they do not care for me and some of the docotrs are hard to speak to. Good luck in there Zara and get well soon

Hi Mitchell,

Thanks for replying it really means a lot to me. I think it is the RBH that I’m going to. What are the other patients in there like, if you don’t mind me asking?

Zara xo

It depends on what they are in for and stuff like that, I have been in when there were angry people who wanted to fight the staff, other times they are fine and you get along with everyone. Do not stress about it though, you will get through it and come out of there better

Hi mitchell,
Ive been wondering how your doing and keeping track of your story for updates. Let us know how your going.

Zara xo

Hey everyone this is an update. Like usual things have been up and down but at the moment not going to bad. I have not cut in about 5 weeks. I have been getting rid of people in my life who were bad for me, but I am really struggling with a gambling addiction.

Im really proud of you for not self harming in 5 weeks! It shows how strong you really are and you can get through this. It’s great that your getting rid of people you think arent good for you. It’s a great start. Are you seeing a councillor or shrink to help you with your gambling addiction?

every day for 5 years i’ve been putting up with the name calling, the punching, pushing but lately i’ve noticed that i tell some one what happens every time it will build up and the teacher/perant will deal with it and it stops

Thanks Zara, yes I have got an appointment to see somone next week for the first time to start working on the gambling problems. Zara we are all strong in our own way. I am so glad that people are able to find some help on this post. That is why I continue to post and put my life story on here. We all have crap go down in this world, but it is how we deal with it to who we make ourselves in the future. I have done it all and seen it all. I have lived in youth shelters, I have self harmed, I have tried to kill myself. I have been sexually assaulted, My dad lives with another man. My mum has had very bad health issues, my brother used to be a drugo, but I am able to get myself help as well as start making a future for myself that does not involve all of the negative stuff off the past few years.

Ben I am sorry that you have had to go through that for 5 years. The best option is to tell someone when it happens. I tired fighting back and it does nothing but fuels them even more.

Hey everyone this is an update. I have not self harmed for over 3 months and other then one little setback I have not tried to overdose in about 4 months. Things seem to be going really well atm

Hey Mitchell!
This made me bawl my eyes out. I can relate to some of the things but somethings that you’ve gone through? Sheesh, you are strong.
I’ve been abused by my mother then raped by my stalker. I ran away 8 times before anything was done. I felt violated as if he’d taken something from me that only I should be able to give.
So, I moved to my dad’s a year and a half ago. It was great, new town? NEW LIFE! But it went down hill around four months ago. One of my friends tried commiting suicide. I was lost thinking she was dead. It wasn’t until a month later that I found out she was alive. My dad turned violent and strangled me. I ran away and I tried to get out but no-one seems to be able to help. I’m glad you had a few places to go. You were lucky (in some sort of twisted way). I have been diagnosed with depression and my dad wants to put my in a mental ward to ‘teach me a lesson’. He thinks I’m “sick in the head”.

Best of luck! I’m praying for you at night, Mitchell/

Bryn, that sounds so hard. I think an good option would be to go to a mental health hospital. Not because of what your dad said but just to get looked at and seen if there is anything they can do for you. Just keep fighting.

Hi Everyone.
Long time no speak. I am writting this as an update. Everything seems to be going really well. I have not self harmed in almost 6 months and am able to hold a job now.