My story
No light at the end of the tunne..
i am a 14yo student at a public high school, and have recently broken up with my girlfriend of over a year, because she was ‘high maintenance’, as one of my teachers put it. she was never able to cope with her own moodiness and depression, harmed herself majorly, and it was up to me to keep her from harm. because of this, i was spiralling further and further into depression. i couldn’t cope, it was burning me out, so i had to leave. afterwards, i realised that, because she had occupied my attention totally, i have friends i can number off on one hand. one of them, a girl in my SOSE class, i realised i had a major crush on. i asked her if she wanted to be with me, and she refused me, instead getting back with a guy who has never shown her any affection whatsoever. i loved her more than anything else, and she ignoed me! since then, i have just gotten worse. i know i cant make myself commit suicide, having tried a couple of times before, but i have started to feel like that again… i would talk to people, but the school counsillor, and everyone on the special needs faculty, make me worse for some reason. i sometimes talk to other friends, but they have been drifting away recently…
i know that if i have someone to help me through this, i can pull through, but i have noone, noone but whoever reads this.
a world of demons can be tolerated for the sake of an angel, but i can see none. please help me, if you care
Lindsay
October 22, 2010
Replies
i would give you my email, so we can talk freely and help each other when either of us is feeling down, but the conditional page to get here said not to post stuff that could be used to contact me…
i wont totally give up, i’ve been periodically like this for over a year, and have contemplated suicide more than once, but i cant go through with it, no matter how hard i try to… good thing, probably…
Hi Lindsay
You seem to have a pretty strong fantasy of this new girl. Can you see many negatives about this girl ? I would try and see these sides instead of just the “idealised” good side you have now mate. Its important you try and do this to get a more balanced picture of her.
Going from one relationship to the next can be tough to find our own inner balance. We risk getting buffeted around and our own sense of self can get distorted somewhat. Try not to identify with the rejection and get caught up with the thoughts/feelings that go along with it eg im a loser, poor me, wanting to crawl up and die etc etc
You are 14 yrs old and on a strong learning curve with the women. Good on you for trying and putting yourself out there. This is the only way we grow, even if it means pain.
You have lots of strengths and you will know when the right girl comes along. This new girl doesnt seem like a good match for you. If she isnt interested in you then let her go mate, she aint worth the trouble.
Good luck Lindsay
Best
John
thanks for that mate
thing is, where i hang out after school, everyone is a happy couple, everyone but me! i just want someone to be here there for me, who can help me through rough patches in life. there are one or two people who are sometimes like that for me, but whenever someone else comes to wherever we happen to be chatting, they just walk off and leave me, whoever it is…
it feels like im the least important person at school… i just need someone to change that…
Post a reply
im here and im going through the same thing. im depressed and i feel like i cant talk to anyone either. we can get through this together we are both too strong to let this depression take the better of us. please dont give up (if your wondering about my story refer to “why do i feel this way” from the 17th of september)