My story
I want to be normal again.
I guess about a year and a half or more ago I started crying throughout the night, a lot. I thought it was because I was worried about basketball for most of it. That continued for a long, long time. I can’t remember how much. So my parents and I figured I’d quit and have a break for a while.
In that time I partied with my friends a lot and ended up doing lots of things I told myself as a little girl I would never do. Until I got really sad about some things girls and boys were saying about, or doing to me I didn’t care - I just wanted to have ‘fun’.
So I stopped going out or hanging with the popular kids. I even stopped talking to everyone at school for a while, at least half a year. All the while the crying continued.
I was sad about everything. How sad my mum was; How I was being treated; Like no one knew me anymore; Like I wasn’t good enough; And how my dad went up and down all the time.
It wasn’t untill a year later dad told me mum had post-nadal depression and mum told me dad had bipolar disorder. It was a massive shock and dad is still seeking medical help. I still think my older brother has some sort of anger issue. They all have turned to drugs at some stage or more to ease their strain, and I can now understand why.
While this was all going on I met my bestfriend and boyfriend, soon to be husband. He’s older then me by a bit, and it caused an uproar in my family. My parents, him and I were he ones to suffer. The people I thought loved me decided we were all crazy… And I just broke into pieces.
I couldn’t deal with it anymore, any of it. It wasn’t fair. I hated myself for everything I had done, and couldn’t get out of bed. I still struggle.
Mum and I went to the doctors, and he sent me to the psych. I’ve seen her a lot, and have been pescribed anti-depressants. And as much as it has helped, there is stil pain.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. A white house, family and hide-away from the world. That’s where I’ll be most happy. Away from all the dramas that have such an influence on my weakened mind.
Where I can feel normal. One day I will feel normal again.
Morgan
September 6, 2010
Replies
Hi Morgan,
Wow, so much of your post sounds like me, all your feelings, and watching your Mum go through depression, I’ve been there too. The endless crying, the just wanting to hide from the world, I know just how you feel. And I also get what you mean about how psychs and medication help, but they really only help to a certain point. But stick with it, cause once you start to believe you can, and are, getting better you will feel things start to improve. By simply saying that you will feel normal again is great. I sure hope things improve for you, you’ve had a pretty hard time. Best wishes, and good luck.
Take care, Amy xx
I’m so happy you see light at the end of the tunnel, Morgan. That’s what we all wish for, hey! 
Take care. Hope it all works out!
This is a really nice post. thanks for sharing
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hi Morgan,
i know what you mean about crying evey night.. and i know its hurts so much. it will stop though and its a good thing that you can see the light at the enf of the tunnel. i’m still trying to find the light so you are so lucky you have found it.
keep striving to reach it and when you do you will feel amazing!
you sound like you had a rough time and are still going through it… please keep going i know what it feels like and you can get through.
i hope things get better for you soon.
Gabby