Hi Nina
Things that happen in our life continue to affect us, regardless of when it happened, especially when its never properly dealt with. my parents divorced when i was 13, i was fine for years, about a year ago at 19 my life started to fall apart, with friends, work and just me in general. i too stopped eating. i went to my doctor because i knew how i was being wasnt me from there i was referred to a psychiatrist, one year later im still having my weekly appointments but i feel like me again.
please go and see your doctor, the first time is the hardest but you will feel relieved once you start getting things off your chest, if you need to ask any questions or talk let me kno.

Hi there,
Thankyou for your reply.
Yes I understand what you mean by that, I pushed everything away and now certain things will trigger a reaction that sends me completely out of control. And I don’t know what to do when that happens. Other times im fine and I pretend there’s nothing wrong.
How have you been recently then? Has everything begun to pick up for you? I really hope so
To be honest with you I am terrified to go to the doctor. I was in counselling for a while a couple of years ago and I found that I would pretend everything was ok just so I could leave. I didn’t feel comfortable there.
I feel like I don’t have control of myself.
I just don’t really know how to talk to people about these things

Hi there leticia,
Thankyou for you reply.
Yes I understand what you mean by that, I pushed everything so far away that now when certain things trigger it I lose control and I don’t know what to do with myself. I just go crazy!
So now you are going ok? Things are looking up for you? Im really glad for you, if you ever feel like you’re going down again the offer is here if you’d like to talk as well
Doctor? To be honest with you I am completely terrified to go see a doctor. I was in counselling a few years ago and I found that I would pretend I was ok so I could leave. So I didn’t allow myself to open up. I don’t really know how to talk to people.
I really think im going crazy.

RE: What’s the point -
There is none. We are the product of cell division & adaptation. Evolution is a misleading term. Adaptation is more accurate. In our present state propagation of our own DNA could be the exception, or ‘the only point’ i.e the survival of the species. Everything else that comprise the illusion of self awareness, literature, sciences, emotions, race, etc., play a secondary role at best. We are the product of a ‘growth’ or circumstances that occur when the materials preexisting in the universe bombard a sphere suspended in space. These ingredients coalesce, much like the celestial dust that created the planets, into increasingly complex forms. On this planet we have a rich array of life forms none more important than the others - animals in wide variety, insects, microrganisims etc. These are the examples before our eyes that prove the wholly uncaring intent of this process. It doesn’t matter what it looks like or it’s cerebral capacity or it’s life span it is simply an expression out of infinite possibilities that these ‘circumstances’ produce or will ‘try’ for continuation.
Taking a human of similar makeup as your own and placing it in an environment say of a third world county ( say America as and example ) where the unfortunate circumstances you had to endure through no fault of your own were also inflicted upon this similar person they would most likely not be as self aware of the harm done to their psyche. Rather it would be the ‘norm’. Why? Because the person would just accept it as the norm and still accept themselves. Your self worth is placed upon different circumstances though. You are aware of the communication that the ‘other’ transferred to you of their own self worth and you accepted this in a different way than your third world counterpart. At the age this happened to you, you were defined by what others thought of you, how they treated you, cared for you. You could only ‘accept’ this other persons act as a definition of who you are at the time. You did not yet posses the comprehension to know that the one who inflicted their sorrow upon you was just an unnecessary sack of s**t.
Option 1) Give as good as you got. Find this person and publicly accuse them of what they did in front of their family or friends. i.e. Give them back their junk and say that you no longer want it, accept it, or agree with it and how sorry you feel for them but not yourself because you had nothing to do with it.
Option 2) Are they even worth your time ? If not. Laugh at them and yourself. Accept that you could not have known or defended yourself. Accept how pathetic and sad a person they were and most likely still are. Understand them to wholly refute them. Love yourself unconditionally. Just like working out at the gym or filling your mind with knowledge it takes time and dedication. Prove to yourself each day and in every way that you are stronger than them and begin to realize how laughable it is that they could ever dampen or dim the real you. Don’t hide from it. Each day shine more and more disinfecting, brighter & brighter, light directly upon the original incident, upon every related feeling you have about it. Allow nothing to hide or escape. It’s time to turn the tables for good.
And while your at it… spend 15 minutes each day talking directly to yourself in the mirror. Speak of nothing else but the good qualities you posses. Your creativity, insight, humor, stubbornness (yes that’s a good thing ), strengths, best features, etc, etc. Do not drift from the positive while doing any of this.
Simply put … Would you have done to another what this person did to you? NO. I didn’t think so. Therefore that proves that what your feeling did not come from you and does not belong to you and is not your fault.
So let’s work on understanding why such a good person is still holding on to someone else’s issues.